TBAY: MATCHINGARMCHAIR: the Debate Rages On (WAS: Yellow Flags and Jobberkno

[cindysphynx]

No: HPFGUIDX 39038

"CUT!!!!!!"

Steven Speilberg hurried forward waving his arms overhead, his feet 
crunching shards of paddle.  

"CUT! Cut, I said!  Everybody take it easy," he bellowed. "Just 
*relax*, all right?" 

Cindy pushed past Elkins and stormed from the platform to block 
Steven's path. "What is she *doing*?" Cindy demanded, her face 
flushed.  "Will somebody tell me what she is *doing*?"  Cindy hurled 
the remaining Zwieback to the ground in disgust, where they lay 
absorbing the Kool-aid that slicked the floor.  "Where is *that* in 
the script?  Somebody show me where it says any of *that* in the 
script.  `Cause I'm not seeing it!  And you want to know why I'm not 
seeing it?  "BECAUSE IT'S NOT THERE, THAT'S WHY!"

"I was just . . ." Elkins began.

"Oh, I know what you were `just'!  You know, she always does this.  
She does this Every Single Time, Steven!"

Speilberg stepped in front of Elkins, shielding her from Cindy's 
wrath.  "OK, everybody.  Take five.  It'll be fine, really.  We can 
shoot it again.  Just  . . . just take a break."  

"Good!  Because I need a massage right now!" Cindy cried.  "I mean 
it.  It's in my *contract*, Steven.  It says so right in my 
contract, Paragraph 73: `Swedish massage to be provided on demand 
for coping with *stress*.'  Like, *stress* from so-called 
professionals who *won't follow the script*!  I mean, what *was* 
that?  Was that *Latin* or something?  Are we making a foreign film 
now?" 

"It's all right, Cindy.  I'll talk to her.  I will," Steven assured.

"Well, you'd *better*!!!  BECAUSE I CAN'T WORK LIKE THIS!"  Cindy 
stormed from the set, slamming the door behind her.  The tinkle of 
broken glass filled the set.

Steven turned to Elkins, sweat beads forming on his 
forehead.  "Elkins, honey.  Elkins, Elkins, Elkins.  That was 
Marvelous, darling!  It really was.  It was  . . . it . . . it was 
so *you*.  I mean, I really *felt* that.  You really made me feel 
that."

Elkins smiled sweetly, her eyes wide with surprise.  "Really?"

"Oh, you have no *idea* how I felt that, honey.  We all felt it, 
right everyone?  You were just downright *Dangerous*, that's what 
you were.  Really, you are just amazing!"

"Oh, Steven, I'm so *glad* to hear you say that.  I mean, I know I 
was opening up a bit there, and I just didn't want it to be *too 
much*, you know.  But we can shoot it again and I can take it *up* a 
notch, if you want . . . ."

"NO!" Steven interrupted.  "No, no, we don't have to do that.  No.  
But there is the little matter of the script.  I mean, none of that 
was in the script.  And you know the paddle thing?  The part where 
you smashed the paddle?  Well, we don't really *have* that many 
paddles.  We're *way* over budget on this thing already, and we 
can't go around smashing the paddles.  Especially the Big ones."

Elkins' face fell.  "You . . . you didn't like the paddle smashing 
climax?" she whispered.

"No, no, I didn't say *that*.  Did I say that?  Didn't I just say I 
loved the whole thing?  No, I meant that we have to have some 
*balance*.  The Cindy character has to win once in a while, you 
know.  That's cinematic balance.  The Elkins character has to take 
one for the team in this scene.  She's a SYCOPHANT, you know what 
I'm saying?  I mean, how can there be a reconciliation if you . . . 
if you smash Cindy's paddle?  Trust me, Elkins.  It just won't work, 
doll.  I'm sorry, but we have to follow the script on this one."

Elkins nodded, her eyes filling with tears.  "I . . . I could save 
it for the sequel.  Can we do it in the sequel?"

"Oh, absolutely.  That's what we'll do.  Look.  Let me take care of 
this next scene, and we'll roll with you and Cindy in just –"  he 
glanced nervously at his watch – "a few minutes.  You relax, and 
I'll be *right* back for you, OK?"

Elkins nodded slowly, a tear slipping down her cheek.

Speilberg swung open the door to the next soundstage, kicking the 
slivers of glass aside.  The sound of scraping glass masked his 
muttering:  "Oh, there's not going to *be* a sequel.  I'll direct 
*Harry Potter* before I put up with *this* again."

He cupped his hands over his mouth.  "Debbie!  Naama!  Eileen!  
You're up!  Get in here!".

*************
Debbie (wrestling with the limitations of Imperio):

>If Imperio is a substitute for Veritaserum, why isn't it used all 
the 
> time?  Why would torture ever be necessary?  And if it wasn't 
used, Crouch 
> Jr. doesn't give a full explanation of how he got Moody to talk.

Well, I guess it depends on context.  I mean, we can hardly expect 
Dumbledore to use Imperio to interrogate Crouch Jr.  It's 
Unforgivable, after all.  Good guys have to use Veritaserum.  Bad 
guys don't, I suppose.

But you've given me a bit of a brain wave.  Only a little one, 
really.  But all this Memory Charm business aside, why isn't Neville 
simply operating under the Imperius Curse?  

Don't laugh, I mean it.  I mean, maybe he was placed under the curse 
as a small child, perhaps by Mrs. Lestrange. . . .  And Neville had 
no way to throw it off, of course, lacking magical training and all.

Or maybe his parents did it.  Hmmm.  Did Frank place his son under 
Imperius to protect some really important secret as the Lestranges 
stormed the place?  I mean, Imperius makes you happy and compliant, 
and Memory Charms seem to give people the outward appearance of 
being happy and compliant if a bit forgetful.  Oh, I think there 
could be a link between Trevor and the Imperius Curse if Trevor 
really isn't just a Toad.

<note to self:  fix all holes in ToadKeeper I with Imperius!Neville 
with Evil Toad variant>

I wrote:

> > I see no reason to think that Frank knew where Voldemort was -- 
particularly 
> > if 
> > Voldemort was but a noxious gas at that point.

Debbie replied:

> But there were plenty of animals in the forest with knowledge of 
the noxious 
> gas.  If Pettigrew could find him (GoF p. 655, US), it is not out 
of the 
> question to think a trained Auror could too.

Ah, but Wormtail found Voldemort by chatting up the other rats, 
didn't he?  Unless Frank is an Animagus (heaven help us!), then he 
wouldn't have any way of gathering this information, no matter how 
good an Auror he was.

Eileen wrote:

> CINDY, THERE'S A DE MURDERING ME IN THE BASEMENT! AND I WANT TO 
>LIVE! 
> I WANT TO LIVE TO RELAX IN OUR NEW CANON SUPPORTED MATCHING 
>ARMCHAIR!  HELP!

You're on your own, honey.  It's a jungle out there. ;-)

Naama wrote:

> I should say that not only is it probable that there was a search 
> after Voldemort, but that it is highly IMprobable that there 
wasn't. 

<snip>

> In fact, using the same argument, I'd say that they wouldn't have 
> attacked Frank unless they thought he actually knew something. Why 
> would they? 

Oh, Naama.  I can tell that you are *ready* to join up under the 
variant whereby Mrs. Lestrange has a score to settle with Frank.  
You're right that much of her behavior isn't that of a cold, 
calculating DE at all.  Now, maybe she is just woozy from her time 
in Azkaban . . . 

<shoots Debbie a look> 

 . . . and is not thinking straight.  Or maybe she is sloppy and 
careless by nature.  But it all makes sense if you just go ahead and 
make that big ol' canon leap that there's a link between Mrs. 
Lestrange and Frank that goes *way* back to when he arrested her.  
Heck, you can even turn the Bangometer *way* up and decide that 
Frank tortured Mrs. Lestrange when he arrested *her*.  Aurors were 
authorized to use those Unforgivable Curses, after all, and maybe 
Frank was much more willing to get dirty than Moody was.  So Mrs. 
Lestrange uses Crucio for a perfectly good reason -- because Frank 
used it on her first.

And it came back to bite poor Frank, didn't it?

Naama:
 
> The only real problem with assuming that Frank did in fact have 
> important information, is the going crazy part. Would he really 
hold 
> on to the secret to the point of going insane under torture? 

<snip>

> But, still, isn't it a bit strange that with all 
> the Cruciatus curses we've encountered, we've never had any 
> indication that Cruciatus causes insanity? As far as I remember, 
when 
> Harry is hit with a Cruciatus, the description of what he felt 
> doesn't include "Harry thought that if this continues one second 
> longer, he would go mad", or something like it (right? I don't 
have 
> the books here). If I'm correct, then it's fair to assume that 
> something else (or in addition) caused the Longbottom's insanity. 

Well, even working off the top of your head, you got that right.  
Harry thinks he wishes he could die:  "He wanted it to end . . . to 
black out . . . to die. . .   And then it was gone."

But the second Cruciatus Curse does start to sound like a move 
toward insanity:  "The pain was so intense, so all-consuming, that 
he no longer knew where he was."  There's also no question that the 
cumulative effects of consecutive Cruciatus Curses is, uh, rather 
exhausting.  After the first Cruciatus Curse, Harry is described 
as "hanging limply."  After the second, he fares much worse:  "He 
was shaking as uncontrollably as Wormtail had done when his hand had 
been cut off."  

So I guess it makes sense that Frank lost his mind, and I'm not sure 
we can really dispute Dumbledore's take on it at this point.

But then again, these DEs tend to use the Cruciatus Curse in short 
blasts, don't they?  I think it makes sense that even Mrs. Lestrange 
had no idea that Cruciatus causes insanity.  I mean, that is the 
sort of thing a DE discovers in the field, don't you think?  So Mrs. 
Lestrange isn't illogical.  She is (1) woozy; (2) interested in 
torturing Frank to avenge an old grudge; and (3) learning on the fly 
about the effects of extended Cruciatus curses.

So there it is, Naama.  VindictiveYetWoozy!Mrs. Lestrange.  And it 
is right Bangy, too!
 
**************

Speilberg clapped his hands together forcefully, quieting the 
chatter among the crew. "All right, then.  Are we all ready?"

"Is *she* ready?" Cindy demanded, glaring at Elkins.  "Because I do 
*not* want to be here all night, Steven."

"It's cool, Cindy.  Trust me.

"OK, everyone.  All right.  This is "Elkins' Unconditional 
Surrender, Take II!  Let's take it from Elkins' line, `Then I will 
retract my yellow flag.'  Places everyone, places.  
Aaaannnnnd . . . . Action!" he cried.

"People, people, people!" Cindy laughed. "The Egg is Not A Problem 
for MATCHINGARMCHAIR."
 
"Um. . ."  Elkins' eyes flicked to the cue cards behind Cindy.  "Now 
that you mention it, you're right.  You are absolutely right.  I 
cannot *believe* I didn't see that.  Thanks for helping me see 
that.  

"So what's your answer to the Dementor problem, then?" Elkins 
continued flatly. " 'Cause I gotta tell you, I just can't *wait* to 
hear this one."

Cindy beamed at her.  "That's not a problem either, because that is 
exactly as it should be."

Elkins hesitated, almost choking, then forced the words from her 
lips.  "You are a genius, Cindy.  I really mean that.  A genius, 
that's what you are," she said, in a dead, hollow voice.

Cindy replied, "Oh, that's so very kind of you.  So . . . will you 
convert, Elkins? A deal's a deal, right?"

Elkins fingered the script, glancing downward imperceptibly.  "But 
of course.  My only regret is in not converting *months ago*  I ask 
only one thing.  Can I carry your Big Paddle, just this once?"

"Oh, no, I don't think so . . . " Cindy replied, pausing for 
dramatic effect.  

" . . . I'm down to just the one."

*******************

 Cindy

*****************
> For an explanation of the acronyms and theories in this post, visit
> Hypothetic Alley at 
> 
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e
> ticalley.htm 
> 
> and Inish Alley at 
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