TBAY: Assassin!Snape Meets Saboteur!Snape (WAS Saboteur!Snape's Next Mission)

[Cindy C.]

No: HPFGUIDX 46839

"That's it!  I'm calling you a cab."

"No, I'm *fine!*  I do *not* need a cab."

"If you try to apparate when you're like this, you'll splinch 
yourself for sure, Cindy."  

"When I want your opinion, I'll ask for it, OK, George?  Just make 
me some coffee, will you?"

A powerful voice suddenly sliced through the Tavern, silencing the 
dull buzz of conversation.  

"Cindy's right, George."  

Charis Julia paused, framed in the light streaming in through the 
open doorway.  Patrons froze, their drinks poised at their lips 
while they stared, mouths slightly open, unsure whether they were 
really, truly in the presence of *the* Charis Julia.  Oh, it had 
been a long time indeed since Charis had dropped by the Tavern for a 
bit of creative theorizing.  An older man stood quickly as she 
crossed the bar, offering her the stool next to Cindy, bowing deeply 
as he retreated into the shadows.

Charis nodded once at George, who immediately presented her with her 
drink of choice -– a Flamingo.  "Cindy doesn't need any help 
apparating," Charis said calmly.  "No, if you ask me, Cindy needs 
help with that Assassin!Snape theory.  'Cause that thing is Dead On 
Arrival."

"You -- you think my theory is dead?" Cindy asked in a small voice.  

"Oh, yessirree, it sure is," Charis replied.  "You're asking me to 
believe that Snape —- the new, redeemed, on—the—good—side—Snape 
would really permit himself to go around *assassinating* people? At 
the request of *Dumbledore*?  And not even in the heat of the battle 
when there is no other solution to be had, but just like that, *in 
cold blood*! No, uh—uh, no way! No *way* would Dumbledore condone 
something like that! I mean, we're talking about the guy who 
wouldn't even use the full range of his powers back at the height of 
Vold War I because that would not show *noblesse*!" 

Cindy hesitated, looking downcast and silently mourning the demise 
of a perfectly good Snape theory, but Marina broke in quickly.  "No, 
don't sell Assassin!Snape short, Charis.  It's plausible, it's 
angsty and dramatic, it would certainly go a long way toward 
convincing Voldemort. I don't have a problem with it at all."

"Uh, yeah, right."  Cindy glanced suspiciously at Marina but 
continued on recklessly.  "See, Charis, you, uh  . . . you don't 
defeat Grindewald without breaking a few *heads,* you know."

"Breaking a few heads?" Charis echoed blankly.  "Is that synonymous 
with Humpty Dumptying the Bangs or something?"

"Never mind that," Cindy said.  "Let me see if I've got this 
Saboteur!Snape theory straight.  You're saying that the thing that 
has Snape all worried –- the thing that has him looking paler than 
usual, that has him staring Harry in the eye just a bit too long at 
the leaving feast –- is that Snape is going to put the Dementors out 
of work and become *The Warden of Azkaban* or something?"

"You know, that does have a nice ring to it -– 'Warden of 
Azkaban.'"  George nodded and smiled broadly before noticing 
Marina's disapproving glare.

"Focus *up* George," Cindy said impatiently.  "The mere ability to 
devise a snappy name for a theory doesn't make it canonical.  Yes, 
the 'Warden of Azkaban' is right Bangy, I'll give you that.  But the 
theory itself?  The idea that Snape's mission is to dispatch the 
Dementors and take over Azkaban?  Oh, it's -– well, forgive me 
Charis –- but it's a bit on the Dud-worthy side."

"Why, though?" George asked.  "I mean, prison stories Bang almost by 
definition.  I mean, even *I* would have a hard time coming up with 
a prison story that didn't Bang, and that's saying something."

Cindy sighed audibly.  "The problem with Saboteur!Snape is one of 
logic, not one of Banginess. Snape leaves Harry in the hospital wing 
and sweeps off to accomplish something important Dumbledore has 
asked of him.  It is dangerous, and Snape has to be 'prepared.'  
Snape is Dumbledore's Number One -– Snape gets his orders after 
everyone else who is going to leave has been asked to leave, so this 
task is Big and secret.

"In the face of that Big set-up, we're to imagine that Snape is 
going to Azkaban, will toss off a Patronus to make the Dementors 
glide away and then –- what?  Sit there, commanding the DE prisoners 
to dig holes and fill them back up again?  Tell the inmates to stop 
making so darn much noise banging their tin cups against the bars?  
Arrange conjugal visits for the Lestranges?

"Nah, 'The Warden of Azkaban' mission would work fine if Azkaban 
were filled with innocent people -– allies of Dumbledore who need to 
be freed or something.  That would be really, really cool.  But in 
OoP, we *know* that Snape won't free the DEs in Azkaban, so there's 
nothing left for him to do but babysit them.  There's no reason at 
all to think that Dumbledore's allies are in Azkaban -– we know that 
the old crowd of Lupin and Mundungus and Figg are not.  I think it 
is way Bangier to allow all of those Azkaban prisoners to escape –- 
including the formidable Mrs. Lestrange -– than for JKR to send 
Snape to play the penal officer."

"No, I still don't buy it," Charis said coldly.  "If Snape is set in 
charge of kicking the Dementors out of Azkaban (or at least removing 
the prisoners from their influence) there would be nothing but Bang!"

"Oh, if you want Bang out of that Warden theory, then you really 
need to let 'er rip, Charis.  Snape could take over Azkaban and 
*kill* every last one of the DEs imprisoned there -– including his 
old Slytherin buddies.  I kind of like that myself -– 
ColdBloodedMassMurderer!Snape, if I understand you correctly.  I 
mean, that *is* Bangy, all right, but if your objection is that 
Snape and Dumbledore are too nice to kill Karkaroff, surely Snape 
won't kill a whole *prison* full of DEs in cold blood, right?"

Marina gave a small shudder and turned away, looking slightly ill.

"Not only that, but there might be a little canon problem, Charis.  
Snape leaves and goes somewhere that night, but he is back in time 
for the leaving feast.  I don't know how many days pass, although 
I've always assumed it wasn't too many.  Are you saying that Snape 
went to Azkaban, dispatched the Dementors and then just came 
straight back, leaving the inmates totally unguarded to fend for 
themselves -– to die a slow death of starvation in their cells?"

"Well . . . "  Charis looked undecided, and seeing this, Cindy 
pressed on.

"Still not sold, huh?  OK.  What we need here to bring you around 
are some Assassin!Snape variants for you.  I seem to have three 
variants right here.  First, there is the 'Karkaroff's Head On A 
Stake' variant.  Snape and Dumbledore have hatched a can't-miss plan 
to absolutely insure Snape's welcome back into the DE fold.  Snape 
apparates straight to Voldemort's lair clutching two things in his 
slimy hands to prove his loyalty beyond question -– Karkaroff's wand 
and Karkaroff's *head.*"

There was an icy silence as the patrons sat motionless.  "BANG!" 
whispered George, his blue eyes wide and staring somewhere in the 
distance.

"But as you point out, Charis, that is awfully mean for Dumbledore 
and Snape to just hunt Karkaroff down like a dog in the street and 
then up and kill the poor man in cold blood like that.  I mean 
*Whoa!*

"So let's consider the next variant -– Snape doesn't kill Karkaroff 
himself.  I mean, where's the fun in that?  No, instead there's 
the 'Bring Him In Alive' variant.  Snape apprehends Karkaroff and 
brings him to Voldemort alive -- furs and all.  Snape is able to 
prove his loyalty to Voldemort without getting any, er, blood on his 
hands, so to speak.  Now, if Karkaroff had his choice, he would 
probably prefer that Snape go with 'Karkaroff's Head On A Stake,' 
frankly.  'Cause you *know* what Karkaroff's fate is under 'Bring 
Him In Alive.'  Let's just say that there will be a great lot of 
screaming, begging, weeping and sniveling and leave it at that.  
It's Bangy -- if you, uh, like that sort of thing.  

"And then there is the safest Assassin!Snape variant for those with 
weak stomachs –- the traditional 'The Devil Made Me Do It' variant.  
Snape goes to Voldemort, who sends him after Karkaroff *or else,* so 
Snape –- deeply conflicted and racked with guilt -– does what he 
must do.  This one is probably the most canonical, I think, because 
the set-up in 'GoF:  The Beginning' is so very strong:  

*********

"What was it that Snape had done on Dumbledore's orders, the night 
that Voldemort had returned?  And why . . . *why* . . . was 
Dumbledore so convinced that Snape was truly on their side?  . . . 
Snape had turned spy against Voldemort, "at great personal risk."  
Was that the job he taken up again?  Had he made contact with the 
Death Eaters, perhaps?  Pretended that he had never really gone over 
to Dumbledore, that he had been, like Voldemort, biding his time?"

***********

"I mean," Cindy said, "would you *look* at that set-up?  How can JKR 
waltz up to us in OoP and say, 'Oh, no, Snape didn't have anything 
to do with Voldemort at the end of GoF.'  Nah, she's stuck.  She 
just needs a convincing way to explain why Voldemort would take 
Snape back."

Cindy reached over and grabbed the last peanuts from the basket 
while Charis and Marina gaped at her.  The only sound in the Tavern 
was the sound of salted nuts being crushed between teeth.

"Are you, uh, sure you don't want me to call that cab?" asked George 
eventually.

"No need, George," Cindy replied.  "I think I'll stay around for 
just a bit longer.  This is just starting to get interesting, don't 
you think?" 

**********

Cindy

***********

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