TBAY: Snape the Killer/ Filk: My Lord

[eloiseherisson at aol.com]

No: HPFGUIDX 46896

Diana really enjoyed working in George's Bar far more than she ever let on. 
The quality of conversation that she overheard was very high and it was clear 
that this was the place where the brightest minds in Theory Bay chose to hang 
out and chew over their latest theories. Although she sometimes had 
difficulty in following all the trains of thought, especially when she had 
forgotten that she was supposed to be serving other people, not herself, she 
couldn't help joining in occasionally.

One of the Bar's regulars, George's close friend Eileen, was deep in 
conversation with her new acquaintance, Wendy.

Eileen looked a bit sceptical. "But Wendy, I told you I 
think it really cheapens Snape's redemption story to say he never was as 
horrible as those others."

"But that's my point," Wendy says, a bit breathlessly. "It doesn't cheapen 
the redemption if he's not yet actually *done* the thing for which he needs 
to be redeemed! At this point, canonically, we know of *nothing* concrete 
that Snape has done which would necessitate a redemption, do we? Yes, he was 
a Death Eater, but we have no details of crimes he committed. We've got LOADS 

more dirt on Sirius Black, for example. We know of a very specific awful 
thing he did." Wendy looks around nervously, ready to run if a pack of rabid 
Siruis "Prank" Apologists show up with wands drawn. "Why, for all we know, 
Snape only joined Voldemort specifically to be Dumbledore's spy. I don't 
happen to believe this, but I can't think of any canon which disproves this." 


Diana pulled off her rubber gloves, to reveal long nails, painted blood red, 
the same colour as her lipstick.

"I agree that it could be very tempting to suggest that Sqeaky-Clean!Snape 
joined Voldemort specifically as Dumbledore's spy...but I don't think he can 
have done. Just think about Dumbledore's evidence in the Pensieve: 'Severus 
Snape was indeed a Death Eater. However he rejoined our side before Lord 
Voldemort's downfall and turned spy for us, at great personal risk.' If he 
had only been a sham DE, a spy put in place by Dumbledore, why didn't he say 
that? Why suggest that there was any changing of sides, any *turning* to 
spying at all?

"As for knowing nothing that he has done to necessitate a 
redemption....Wendy, he was a *Death Eater*. One of Lord Voldemort's inner 
circle. One of the *younger* members, probably, of the inner circle and 
therefore perhaps more likely to be directly in the fray, rather than taking 
up a managerial position directing operations.
I mean what *did* DE!Severus do, then? He wasn't baking cakes for the next DE 
Bring and Buy sale, or circulating houses with 'Support Your Local Evil 
Overlord' campaign leaflets now, was he?

"Unless Snake-Face wanted him for other" (she shuddered) "reasons, at which 
you've hinted. I suppose those might have let him off other duties. 
"But let's not go there. I know I myself proposed that Snape turned to 
Voldemort in search of a father figure, feeling let down by Dumbledore. But I 
didn't have exactly *that* kind of 'fathering' in mind. 

"Let's just think about what we know about what some of the named DEs got up 
to."

Diana picked up the well-thumbed hardback copy of GOS which was leaning 
against a half empty bottle of single malt, poured herself a glass of the 
latter and started to turn the pages.

"Yes...Page 511, Karkaroff's testimony. Dolohov - tortured countless Muggles 
and non-supporters of Voldemort. Page 512. Rosier, who took part of Moody 
with him, when killed, resisting arrest. Travers helped murder the McKinnons 
- helped, that means that others were involved too. Mulciber forced countless 
people to do horrific things under Imperius. Now Augustus Rookwood,"  - Cindy 
and Eileen both perked up at the mention of this name, "(whom I have recently 
been persuaded by others is ever-so-sexy, no mean achievement for a man who 
not only doesn't speak, but isn't even *seen*), is merely accused of passing 
information. But look, you can kill someone by passing on information, can't 
you? Conspiracy to murder is morally no different from the act of murder 
itself, is it? And Snape, as far as we know wasn't in a position to pass on 
any useful information, anyway, until he joined Dumbledore,so that's unlikely 
to have been his role at that stage.

"Now, who else is there? The Lestranges, Crouch Jr and Fourth Man." 

Avery visibly shrank further into his corner and Eileen shot protective looks 
in his direction.

"Torturing the Longbottoms (p 516). Not nice people. Not nice at all. 
Pettigrew (p 553) AKs Cedric Diggory without a second thought. Malfoy (p564), 
*still* ready to take the lead in a spot of Muggle torture. Macnair (p 565) 
slaughtering dangerous beasts, but thanking Voldemort for a promise of better 
victims.

"These are the Death Eaters. They kill, they torture, they betray people. Can 
you name me one who didn't? Do you really..." Diana paused to drape a pink 
flamingo-feather boa (which clashed horribly with her nails and lips) around 
her neck, "Do you *really* think that Severus could have got away with being 
part that crowd and not doing anything of which he might later be ashamed?

"Because I don't buy it," she said, tossing her featherboa over her shoulder 
meaningfully. "No, he was part of it, doing whatever he did, a fully paid-up 
DE. I don't know what his specialty was - they do seem to specialise 
somewhat, don't they? But I'll bet he had one. What do you think, folks? 
Torturer? He'd be good at that," She sighed involuntarily and then got a grip 
on herself. I mean, there's Bent and there's Bent. "Or supplier of poisons 
and other evil brews from his cauldron?"

At that point, the lights in the bar suddenly dimmed. A spotlight focussed on 
the small stage lit up George's face. He'd obviously been playing with 
Marina's make-up again and was sporting a pink feather boa just like his 
sister's and which in fact had been maufactured from the same poor beast 
which Eloise had once despatched, having found it wandering round a gothic 
catherdral for whose ambience it did absolutely nothing (it's a long story). 
He pointed his wand at his throat, whispered, "Sonorous" and his magically 
magnified voice boomed out,

"Meine Damen und Herren, Mesdames et Mesieurs, Ladies and Gentlemen; 
it is almost midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. 
You have only ten seconds in which to hone your Snapetheories! 
Five- four- three- two- one! 
It is time for Cabaret!

And all was dark for a second, until the spotlight instead illuminated a 
tall, thin dark figure standing provocatively, one foot raised upon a chair, 
chin supported on the slender fingers of one hand. He fixed the audience with 
his black, tunnel-like eyes. Around him, a chorus of women, suitably attired 
(you've seen the film), sat astride more chairs.

He started to sing (and dance).

(Snape)

In trusting me you make a great mistake,
My Lord.
Though I'm a Slytherin, I'm not a snake,
My Lord.
My loyalty to you is now a fake,
My Lord.
So I do...
What I do...
When I'm through...
Then I'm through...
And I'm through...
Toddle-oo!

So it's goodbye, My Lord.
I've left you now, My Lord.
Served of my own accord,
But now I'm going.
Though you I once adored
My past I now deplore,
I'm better off without you,
My Lord.

Don't look too close, My Lord
Can't be exposed, My Lord
I've told you I'm your faithful double-agent.
Please don't suspect me now
You mustn't guess just how
Much reason you've to doubt me, 
My Lord.

The world of sorcery and magic's wide,
My Lord.
Diagon'lly, up and down, and side to side,
My Lord.
But from you I would find no place to hide,
My Lord.
So I do...
What I can...
Brew by brew
Spell by spell
Curse by curse
*Not* your man.

So it's goodbye, My Lord,
I've left you now, My Lord,
Served of my own accord,
But now I'm going.
Though you I once adored
Now I'm with Dumbledore
I'm better off without you, My Lord.

(Snape and Chorus of Snapefans)

Don't look too close, My Lord,
Can't be exposed, My Lord,
I've told you I'm your faithful double-agent.
Please don't suspect me now,
You mustn't guess just how
Much reason you've to doubt me, 
My Lord.



Eloise
Who saw the reissue of Cabaret at the cinema the other night and had an 
insantaneous vision of Severus singing "Mein Herr".


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