Snape the alleged vampire

[David]

No: HPFGUIDX 47265

I have been trying to get my head round this one for a while and 
finally come up with something that works for me.

First some thematic stuff.  Whatever he may be magibiologically, 
Snape is not a *thematic* vampire.  He doesn't drain anyone of 
anything.  You only have to think of the Dementors (metaphorical 
vampires) or Voldemort (both literal, via Quirrell and the rebirthing 
potion, and metaphorical) to see the difference.  So, while it might 
be that Snape gets his physical nourishment from blood, is hard to 
kill, etc., he isn't a parasite, and doesn't IMO represent any form 
of parasitism.  Indeed, it is his excess of bodily fluids that marks 
him out, as has been remarked here before.

But he does look the part, doesn't he, swooping around like an 
overgrown bat?

So how's this for a scenario: in a future book, it emerges that a 
vampire is on the loose at Hogwarts.  Girls turn pale and wan, 
someone dies with the prick-marks and is seen again at night, a comic 
vampire hunter with a foreign accent and dysfunctional detection 
gadgets turns up etc.

Harry and the Scooby Gang are on the case, and with their usual 
unerring accuracy, decide it must be Professor Misdirection himself, 
Snape.  Suddenly all the precedents of Lupin, Hagrid, and the animagi 
become relevant.  Hermione protests: 'But surely Dumbledore 
wouldn't...', Ron answers: 'An evil vampire like Snape would have no 
trouble fooling Dumbledore'.  Sirius will add that he suspected it 
all along, and that's why he was prepared to let him face a 
werewolf.  Suspicion will fall on other dark-haired people with good 
flying abilities, partcularly but not only those from the Balkans.  
In the final confrontation Voldemort, in his usual conversational 
way, will let drop how insufferable it was sharing a turban with all 
that garlic, just because Quirrell believed Snape to be a vampire.  
And then it will turn out to be the new DADA teacher, who was turned 
into a vampire by Voldemort's agent (the pale Lucius?) just after her 
first (outside Hogwarts as usual) meeting with Harry.  Cue the choice 
of endings, as the DADA teacher finds forgiveness, redemption, and an 
antidote courtesy of Snape (enter Percy with the MOM guidelines here 
too), or not.

Not that I approve of speculation, you understand.

;-)

David