{FILK} Potions Man

[Nicole L.]

No: HPFGUIDX 44906

(To the tune of "Piano Man" by Billy Joel.)

Dedicated to all the Snape lovers.

[The setting: The Potions classroom in the dungeon.  A
huge, black grand piano is wheeled into the room,
Draco sitting on the bench.  Pansy Parkinson sits on
top of the piano, brandishing a harmonica.  The
candles go out, leaving only an iron chandelier
shining directly down on the piano and its occupants. 
Draco begins to play and sing with Pansy accompanying
him on the harmonica.]

At two o'clock every weekday
The Hogwarts students shuffle in
For their double length class of potions
And the masters insidious grin

You say, "Potter that's ten points from Gryffindor
For your rebellious show of cheek
Don't you do it again.
Seems you will not attain
The adulation that you seek."

La la la diddy da
La da diddy da da

Make us a brew you're the potions man
Teach us to brew glory
Well we'd so like to see how you stopper death
We're ready and willing quarry

That Neville Longbottom is so hopeless
Melted five cauldrons this week
You fill him with strife, threaten his pet toad's life
I admire how you torture the meek

He says, "Snape threatened to kill my poor Trevor"
As he struggled to get his brew right
"Well, I can't afford to make any mistakes
His threat has me filled with such fright."

Oh la la la diddy da
La da diddy da da

Well you always favor your Slytherins
Awarding us point after point
You harass that old Potter, by threatening slaughter
Or expulsion from this old joint

And that know-it-all Hermione Granger
Has received a great share of your wrath
That's what she gets for having the gall to think
She's good enough to walk our same path

(Piano solo, Draco's normally slicked-back hair flying
from side to side as he pounds at the ebony and ivory)

Make us a brew you're the potions man
Teach us to brew glory
Well we'd so like to see how you stopper death
We're ready and willing quarry

There is no foolish wand waving in your class
And all must listen attentively
For there's not one sole chant and we never incant
So you inform us disdainfully

And the potions are really quite powerful
And if we add powdered asphodel
And if we're really good and then add some wormwood
We'll create Living Death, so stir well

Oh la la la diddy da
La da diddy da da

Make us a brew you're the potions man
Teach us to brew glory
Well we'd so like to see how you stopper death
We're ready and willing quarry

[As the music fades out, Draco and Pansy smirk and
Snape smiles nastily and announces, "Fifty points to
Slytherin."]


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