September Contest Results

[joywitch_m_curmudgeon]

No: HPFGUIDX 45257

Mid-October is rapidly approaching, and where, you may ask, is the 
October HPfGU contest.  And the results from the September contest?  
The answer is -- well, they're a little late, you see, the dog ate 
them and then I was busy and like that.  And I still haven't quite 
finished adding up the scores for the September puzzle contest.

But anyway, here are the results from the September creative contest, 
in which you were asked to come up with the strangest SHIP (romantic 
relationship) which is supported (in any weird, distorted way at all) 
by canon.  There were only a few entries, but they are all beauties.  
I think you'll all agree that they give a whole new meaning to words 
like "far-fetched," "misinterpretation," and "weird." Thanks all, for 
your absolutely wonderful, nutty creativity!

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The first is from Cindy C.:
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Arthur Weasley, bless him, simply doesn't have enough to do in the 
series. He turns up now and then, true, but JKR hasn't done nearly 
enough with his character.

Or has she?

If you look closely enough, it is plain that JKR intends the reader 
to see that Arthur is smitten with another character ––- a character 
who is *not* his wife! And "smitten" is an understatement. Head over 
heels would be more accurate!

Consider the evidence:

In "Bagman and Crouch," Arthur is in the company of three of his 
sons, Ginny, Hermione and Harry. Ministry members greet Arthur 
cordially as they pass. Arthur keeps up a running commentary so dull 
that his own children aren't even interested, mostly just giving 
names and titles of various MoM colleagues. Even when he spots two 
Unspeakables from the Department of Mysteries, Arthur is nonplussed.

But look what happens when Arthur first spots Ludo Bagman: "They were 
halfway through their plates of eggs and sausages when Mr. Weasley 
jumped to his feet, waving and grinning at the man who was striding 
toward them. 'Aha!' he said. 'The man of the moment!  Ludo!'"

Hmmm. Quite a warm welcome for old Ludo, eh? Very, very warm, I'd 
say. Oh, I can almost *see* those sausages practically flying through 
the air! And when Arthur introduces Percy to Ludo, Arthur is 
described as "grinning." Arthur just can't hide his excitement 
for Ludo at all, can he? 

But then, Ludo begins to display a bit of interest of his own. 

Bagman "eagerly" invites Arthur to place a bet, "*jingling* what 
seemed to be a large amount of gold in the pockets of his yellow-and-
black robes." "Jingling," was he? That Ludo really knows how to 
reel 'em in, don't you think? "'Don't be a spoilsport, Arthur!' 
boomed Ludo Bagman, *rattling his pockets excitedly.*"

Does Arthur react negatively to all of this jingling, rattling and 
booming? Does he storm off? Does he assert himself at all? Oh, no! He 
eats it up! "Mr. Weasley looked on *helplessly* as Ludo 
Bagman whipped out a notebook and quill . . . " Look at the language 
JKR chooses there -- "whipped out," "helplessly." Arthur has a weak 
spot all right, and Ludo Bagman knows exactly where it is.

Still don't believe it? Check out "Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes." Percy 
says, "We're just not getting the support we need from the Department 
of Magical Games and Sports. Ludo Bagman ––" Percy  barely has time 
to utter Ludo's name and *BAM!* Arthur is right there defending 
Ludo: "I *like* Ludo," Arthur says. 

Not only that, but Arthur blurts this right out in the middle of a 
*family dinner!* What a slip of the tongue! Then Arthur has to cover 
it up with some cockin' bull story about how Ludo gave him QWC 
tickets in exchange for smoothing over a problem with a supernatural 
lawn mower. Supernatural lawnmower, huh? <huge eye roll> A likely 
story. Tell us another one, Arthur –– we'll believe *anything!*

Yup, the only thing JKR didn't do is *draw us a picture!* Arthur 
Weasley and Ludo Bagman, an item if I ever saw one!

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And from Dicentra  we have this entry:
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Serverus Snape had a secret. A deep, dark, frightening secret: he was 
in love. But not with just anyone, mind you. He was in love with the 
most famous Dark Arts wizard of them all. He was so much in love that 
he transfigured himself into a witch and went to the famous wizard's 
book signing, just for a chance to look into those forget-me-not blue 
eyes.

And now he was coming to Hogwarts to teach! Severus could hardly 
contain himself. What would he do? How should he act? What should he 
*wear*? Surely the great Gilderoy Lockhart would be impressed by a 
well-dressed wizard. He decided to go with basic black--how could you 
go wrong with that?

At first, Severus tried to play it cool, not really look at "Gildy," 
not really talk to him. Don't want to seem too eager, do we now? But 
then when Mrs. Norris was Petrified, they all went into Gildy's 
office, and finally Severus was *close* to him. He stood there, 
trying hard not to smile, but there was Gildy and all his paintings, 
and a feeling of warmth and glee came over him.

And then Gildy set up the Duelling Club and asked HIM, *Severus* to 
help him with it. Oh, he was delighted to help! Now was his chance to 
show Gildy how he felt. So, half-smiling (it might have looked like a 
sneer to others), he faced his One True Love and blasted him off his 
feet. Surely Gildy would be able to feel the *passion* behind that 
spell. It was a Disarming spell, after all, and Severus was 
determined to break down Gildy's defenses. Then when the students 
began to duel, and things got out of hand, Severus demonstrated 
his "take charge" qualities and quieted them down. 

Severus knew he had accomplished his goal when they set Potter and 
Malfoy to duel with each other. Gildy was so flustered by Severus's 
display of power and passion that when he went to demonstrate proper 
wand technique to Potter he dropped his wand. Severus tried again not 
to smile, but one corner ofhis mouth went up in spite of himself.

Then for the coup de grace, Severus told Malfoy to produce a snake so 
he could show Gildy that he, too, was a master of Dark Arts. But now 
Gildy wanted to show Severus *his* skill, and he beat him to it. 
Gildy made the snake fly into the air! A fitting tribute to the head 
of House Slytherin!  Severus was weak-kneed with happiness. He'd 
noticed him!

From then on, they were inseparable. To help alleviate the stress 
from the Petrifyings, Gildy and Snape concocted a wonderful 
Valentine's day celebration. They giggled as they put their heads 
together, planning the cupids and the love potions. Severus brewed up 
a love potion just for the two of them, and they drank it in a secret 
room of the castle. Then they stared into each others' eyes all night 
long by the light of a single flickering candle, sighing and swooning.

And then, it all came to a tragic end. Ginny Weasley was taken by the 
Heir of Slytherin. Snape nearly fainted when he heard the news, but 
he knew that his love, Gildy, could handle it. He encouraged Gildy to 
find her, knowing that he could not fail, but then--then. That 
*Potter* got involved again, he and his rotten friend Weasley. 
Because of them, Gildy forgot everything that happened between him 
and Severus. Gildy was sent off to St. Mungo's to recover, and 
Severus didn't have the heart to visit him. Gildy wouldn't
even know who he was. So Severus had to be content with *his* 
memories of his most wonderful year at Hogwarts and with the 
knowledge that some day, he *would* get Potter back, if it was the 
last thing he ever did.

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This charming entry was sent all the way from Germany by Sebastian:
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Well, there is as a very obvious ;-) couple: Moaning Myrtle and Mrs 
Norris. Remember Mrs Norris always sneaking around in the floors at 
night. We think she is helping Filch to catch the students, who were 
out of bed, but in fact she is dating Myrtle. Stop, you might say, 
Mrs Norris seems to be everywhere in the castle, while Myrtle always 
stays in her toilet. But we don't know this for sure. Remember when 
Harry says in the first book to Peeves: "The Bloody Baron has his own 
reasons to stay invisible", or something like this. And Peeves 
believes this. This means, ghosts can become invisible, whenever they 
want. So Myrtle can be flying in the floors without someone recognise 
it. And remember that Mrs Norris always comes and sniffs, when Harry 
is under the invisibility cloak. We thought, she can see Harry, but 
in fact, she just senses that there is someone invisible and she 
wants to find out, if it is her Myrtle. The problem is that the happy 
couple is very seldom undisturbed, because the jealous Filch is 
always following Mrs Norris. And when he finds her, she must pretend, 
that she is helping him to cath the students.

Remember the night when Mrs Norris was petrified? She was saved by 
the water from Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. What, if it wasn't by 
accident? What if Myrtle has seen the Basilisk in the bathroom, and 
she knows, how to defend someone against the beast, which killed her 
fifty years ago?  She knew her darling is in danger, because she knew 
that Mrs Norris wanted to visit her. So Myrtle set the floor under, 
hoping, that the cat just sees the reflection of the Basilisk's eyes. 
And it worked. Mrs Norris was just petrified. 

But of course it was a very hard time for Myrtle, when her girlfriend 
was petrified. And she started to whin and moan even more. Remember, 
how happy she was, when Hermione turned into a cat, after the 
Polyjuice mistake? This was, because there was someone, that reminded 
Myrtle at her beloved Mrs Norris.

And then remember book 4. Harry went into the prefect's bathroom to 
solve the riddle of the egg, and who was in the bathroom: Moaning 
Myrtle! Yes, you said, she is spying on the prefects, but what if 
this was just her lie to cover her real reasons for beeing in the 
prefect's bathroom? It was very late in the night, so she couldn't 
expect that Harry or one of the prefects would visit the bathroom 
that time. But why was Myrtle in the bathroom? Of course, she wanted 
to meet her beloved Mrs Norris. Remember who Harry saw at his way 
back? Filch and Mrs Norris. Of course, Filch followed his cat, who 
was on the way to the bathroom, and when they heard the noise, Mrs 
Norris had no other possibilitie, as to accompany Filch and pretend 
that she also wanted to caught the troublemaker Peeves. 

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Qaztroc sent in this one:
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I have gathered convincing evidence from canon that
Ron will eventually end up with... Winky, the female house-elf.

1. Ron is obviously impressed the first time he saws her at the
quidditch world cup. "So that`s a house-elf? Ron muttered. Weird
things aren't they?" (GoF p.90 canadian hardcover). He really says
*weird* and not *ugly* or anything else disrespectful. This is the 
first clue that Ron is curious about house elves, and that he is about
to develop a relation with them (or at least one of them).

2. While the house elves seem repulsive to most wizards, Ron seems
to be quite confortable with them. For example, while Harry still has
mixed feelings for Dobby, it is clearly stated that Ron really likes 
him. "Tell you what Dobby, said Ron, who seemed to have taken a great 
liking to the elf, I'll give you the [jumper] my mum knits me this 
christmas [...]" (GoF p.333). Throughout their first meeting with the 
kitchen elves, Ron is relaxed and at ease.

3. Ron clearly doesn't view a possible relationship between a human 
and a house elf as something disgusting. Seeing how Winky is attached 
to Barty Crouch Sr. he just casually remarks: "She seems to love him" 
while eating a cream cake. (GoF p.334) Now this cream cake is no 
doubt one of the very subtle metaphors that JKR uses thoughout her 
books as clues. The cream cake represents Ron's desires. That he eats 
it while thinking about Winky's love for a human is very revealing!

4. The most obvious clue to Ron's interest in non-humans can be found 
in the infamous "The unexpected task" chapter. Says Ron: "We should 
get a move on, you know... ask someone. We don't want to end up with
a pair of trolls." (GoF p.344). Not an innocent remark coming from 
Ron!  We know that he often hide his true emotions from others (or 
even himself) trough derisive remarks (see his relationship with 
Hermione). In this case the mention of trolls is not merely a 
metaphor, it shows a hidden interest in a human/non-human 
relationship. It ia a clue that on a unconscious level,
Ron would really like to go to the Yule ball with a house elf (which 
look like diminutive trolls).

5. Winky, on the other hand, appears very shaken after she lost her 
master (Crouch). She very much wants to devote her life to the well-
being of a human. In this respect, Ron appears as a savior in GoF 
chapter 21 ("The house elf liberation front"). Ron goes into the 
kitchen trying to get the most out of the house elves (food, etc...). 
He is young, he is poor, he has never had much in his life because of 
his familial status. There are so many things he would like to do, to 
have. In short, he's the ultimate "taker", whereas the elves can
be considered the ultimate "givers". "Slave needs master", Winky 
advertises.  "Master needs slave", Ron advertises. Pheromones make 
their call and throw their webs. The two are meant to be together!

6. Both Ron and Winky have the same, conservative ideas about house 
elves. Hermione, on the other hand, is in constant dispute with Ron 
about this (throughout GoF). As soon as Ron and Winky get to talk to 
each other, they will no doubt realize how similar their views of the 
world are. The resulting harmony will be beneficial to both, and lead 
to more than just a "master and servant" ship.

7. Ron is very shocked when the house elves throw the trio out of the
Hogwarts kitchens after Hermione's revolutionary diatribe (GoF 
chapter 28). "You couldn't keep your mouth shut, could you Hermione? 
Said Ron angrily. They won't want us visiting them now" (GoF p.468). 
And who is there to visit?  Winky, of course, who lives there now. 
Though he may not admit it, the realreason Ron is devastated is 
because he won't get to see Winky again. But JKR knows better, of 
course. Surely their paths will cross again soon! 

Frankly, Isn't this the most obvious SHIP of all?