TBAY: Operative!Arthur Attacks Auror!Arthur

[abigailnus]

No: HPFGUIDX 45386

Abigail has been trying to get her cabin on the Imperius!Arthur 
catamaran just so, a task which has only been hindered by her efforts 
to install her brand new PRESSURE COOKER at the same time, and the 
fact that she did perhaps partake of too many Pina Coladas when she 
came on board.  But, damn it, Veronica was so thrilled about them!

Her concentration, desperately needed for deciphering instructions 
which have been translated into English from Chinese by a person 
obviously born in Finland, is broken by a voice in the hallway.

"Yeah.  I'm really warming up to Operative!Arthur, but Auror!Arthur 
is leaving me cold."

Abigail sticks her head out and sees that the cabin across the hall 
from hers seems to have been occupied, there's a shiny brass plaque 
on the door, it reads:

      Operative!Arthur
We Speak of the Unspeakable

Abigail shoots a guilty glance at the door to the Auror!Arthur 
cabin.  She really was going to get a plaque.  And a nice potted 
plant and a bean bag chair for visitors to sit in.  Still, there's no 
reason not to be neighbourly.  She knocks on the Operative!Auror 
cabin door and steps inside.

"Abigail!" Cindy says, "I was wondering where the Auror!Arthur 
defenders were these days!"

"Hello Cindy," says Abigail, "Welcome aboard. Nice plaque, by the 
way.  Do you know where I could get one?  Cheaply?  Bean-bag chairs 
are a bit pricey, you know."

"Bean-bag chairs?  Plaques?" Cries Cindy, "Haven't you been paying 
attention, woman?  Operative!Arthur has attacked Auror!Arthur!  If 
you don't leap to your boy's defense he's liable to be thrown 
overboard!"

Abigail gasps, and considers swooning, but Veronica opted for 
hardwood floors on the catamaran and besides, there's business to 
attend to.  She had heard, of course, from her porthole, Cindy 
explaining all about Operative!Arthur and thought it a fine theory, 
well-grounded in canon.  And even if it did stem from a rejection of 
her own pet Auror!Arthur, well, it takes all sorts to fill up a 
catamaran.  This attack come straight out of the blue.

"Well?" Cindy demands, "Are you going to counter-attack or just stand 
there?  If Arthur was once an auror, why on earth would he try to 
hide that fact?  Arthur would just be a former auror who is now in 
the Muggle Artifacts department."  Cindy yawns widely.

Abigail smirks, "Is that all, Cindy?  Haven't you read the original 
Auror!Arthur manifesto (</TBAY> At least, original as far as I can 
recall <TBAY>)?  Auror!Arthur is firmly grounded in Elkins' assertion 
that the Wizarding World is in deep denial about the years of 
Voldemort's reign of terror.  That the taboo on mentioning those 
times extends well past the whole He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named thing.  It 
is not considered at all proper to discuss Voldemort or anything 
having to do with him.  I admit that Imperius!Arthur lends further 
credence to Arthur's silence in the intervening years, but he's 
hardly *necessary*."  Abigail digs around in her pockets, and finds 
the much folded and unfolded copy of her original extension of the 
Auror!Arthur manifesto (#37136 & #37179), and begins to read:

"If Arthur cherished his home as a sanctuary from the ugliness of his 
work, he might never say anything about it in front of his children. 
Or he might have made it clear after [Voldemort's] fall that he 
wouldn't brook any discussion of his previous job with the younger 
children, and Bill and Charlie would have caught the hint."

"In fact," Abigail continue, "In the little bit that we've seen on 
the older Weasly children, much was made of Mad-Eye Moody and his 
closeness with Arthur, and Charlie even says:

'He's retired, used to work at the ministry, ... I met him once when 
Dad took me into work with him.'"

"If Arthur was an Auror, what was he doing brining his young son to 
work with him?" Demands Cindy.

Abigail resists the urge to stamp her foot.  She was hoping to slide 
that one past Cindy.  "I haven't quite puzzled that out yet," she 
admits, "but there could be any number of reasons - Molly could have 
been sick or otherwise indisposed.  And besides,"  she says 
belligerently, "If Arthur was an Unspeakable, he would have even less 
reason to bring Charlie to work with him."

"I'll let that go for now" says Cindy, "But this still doesn't make 
sense to me.  As a general matter, aurors don't hide their 
occupations.  Frank was a popular auror."

"Yes he was, and how do we know that he was?" Responds 
Abigail, "Because Dumbledore tells Harry, after Harry hears Frank's 
name *for the very first time* in a 14-year-old recording.  No one 
else, not even Neville, has ever mentioned Frank Longbottom or his 
occupation.  And as for his popularity, Dumbledore never states that 
Frank was a popular *Auror*, just that he and his wife were popular 
people.  That fact needn't have anthing to do with Frank's job, which 
might not even have been common knowledge. The only living 
acknowledged Auror we have ever encountered is Moody, who is a 
paranoid old recluse - hardly the social norm.  Think about it, if 
being an Auror was something that one mentioned, don't you think 
Neville, or someone who knew his family, would have let it slip?"

"In fact" Abigail continues, "this brings to the only serious flaw 
that I can see in Operative!Arthur, canon-wise, that is.  You see, we 
have seen Unspeakables before, and while I don't have the exact 
passage open in front of me," Cindy glances pointedly at the 
cluttered Auror!Arthur cabin, "I do seem to remember that when the 
Unspeakables were introduced during the QWC, not only did everybody 
seem to know what (if not who) they were, but they avoided them as 
well.  Captain Veronica has offered Arthur's wide network of 
connections within the MoM as corroborating proof for Operative!
Arthur, and she posited that Arthur's popularity is also a function 
of those connections, but from our only glimpse of Unspeakables, the 
reverse seems to be true."

"You said this was your only *canon-base* objection to Operative!
Arthur" Cindy says, in a quiet-yet-dangerous voice.

Abigail eyes Cindy's shiny paddle warily, and calculates her distance 
to the door.  In all fairness, she probably wouldn't normally dare to 
make this last observation, but she did have all those Pina 
Coladas.  "I just don't think Operative!Arthur is very... bangy."

"WHAT?!" Cindy explodes, turning several shades of purple, "Why, it 
is the epitome of Banginess! And it focuses on the upcoming battle 
instead of the past!"

"How?" Counter Abigail, who really can't believe she's doing this.  
There must have been something in the Pina Coladas, normally she'd be 
paddling for the shore by now. "We know nothing about Unspeakables 
except that they work for the Department of Myseteries, which tells 
us absolutely nothing.  Are they the Wizard Police?  That job seems 
to be covered by the magical Enforcers who arrested Sirius.  In fact, 
right now, Unspeakables read like throwaway neatness.  By your own 
standards, Cindy, they belong on the GARBAGESCOW."

Cindy is momentarily rendered speechless, which allows Abigail to 
continue. "And if it's the upcoming battle that you're thinking of, 
well, there is already a group of wizards whose job it is to counter 
Dark Magic." Abigail pauses for dramatic effect. "The Aurors, Cindy, 
they are the one's whose skills will be necessary in the new fight 
against Voldemort, and at the crucial moment, Arthur will be revealed 
as one of them.  Think about it, pleasant, polite, bumbling Arthur 
Weasly, emerging from the between the smoke wafting from the remains 
of several DEs he's just bested.  Think of that, and tell me it isn't 
Bangy."

Cindy, glacing surrepetitiously to see if there's a FEATHERBOA hidden 
amongst Abigail's clothes, is having none of it.  That pause for 
dramatic effect was a tactical error of grave proportions.  Having 
resumed her composure, she lifts her paddle high above her head to 
strike down Auror!Arthur once and for all.  The alchoholic fumes 
powering Abigail finally give out, and she collapses into a corner, 
trapped.

"Wait! Wait!" She cries, "Can't we all just get along?  Why do Auror!
Arthur and Operative!Arthur have to be mutually exclusive?"

Cindy lowers her paddle, exasperated, "What is it with you catamaran 
people and mutual exclusivity?" She asks. "Have you no Proper 
Theorists Pride?  First Veronica tries to adapt Imperius!Arthur to 
accomodate Operative!Arthur, and now this.  Well, I'm not buying it.  
There's no way Arthur can be an Auror *and* and Unspeakable.  That's 
just Rambo!Arthur."

"True." Abigail admits. "But your theory isn't called Unspeakable!
Arthur, is it?  It's Operative!Arthur, and with good reason, because 
I still believe that Unspeakables have little or nothing to do with 
the fight against Dark Wizards.  But what if Arthur was an Auror 
during Voldemort's first reign of terror.  The war ends and suddenly 
he's out of a job.  Sure, Moody tries to argue for constant 
vigilance, but you know what those yokels at the MoM are like - no 
problem is so big that you can't bury your head in the sand and 
ignore it.  So Moody gets pensioned off and Arthur is shunted to some 
boring desk job.  But is that enough for him?  Does he truly believe 
that the dark times are over?  Is he really ready for the quiet 
life?  No!  And so he turns to..."

"No!" Cindy exclaims.  "You can't mean..."

"Yes!" Cries Abigail exuberently. "The Dark Arts Defense League!  
Arthur has been a secret operative of theirs since the fall!  He 
leaves all the boring, getting sugar clamps off noses work to the 
other wizard who works with him, while he keeps his ear to the 
ground.  That's how he learns all about Sirius Black, that's why he 
has so many contacts in the ministry.  And when the time comes, 
Arthur Weasley is going to prod some serious buttock."

The Operative!Arthur cabin is silent for a long time.  Abigail 
glances nervously at Cindy, who is still blocking her way to the 
door.  Finally, Cindy lowers her paddle and says, thoughfully.  "I'll 
have to think about this, but... the idea has merit."

"Yes, merit!" Abigail jumps up and impulsively hugs Cindy.  "Oh, this 
is the dawning of a glorious new day!  A day when a wolf will lie 
with a lamb, and Past-Auror!Arthur and Present-Operative!Arthur will 
run, hand-in-hand, through the flowering meadows!"

"You're hugging me."  Cindy points out.

"Right, right."  Abigail quickly disengages and, seeing her path 
cleared by a pensive Cindy, makes a beeline for the door.  "I can see 
that you have a lot to think about, and if you want to talk I'm just 
across the hall."  She's outside by now, and within sight of the 
safety of her own cluttered cabin, when she remembers her original 
reason for dropping by.  She turns back.

"Where did you say you got that plaque, Cindy?" She asks, just as the 
door slams in her face.

Abigail
Who has never written a TBAY post before, and may not do so again - 
they're so much work!  And who has indeed just moved - into a rented 
apartment near university where there is still no Internet access.  
And who has been writing this post at a station at the computer farm 
on campus, all the while terribly afraid of having to explain herself 
to anyone who looked over her shoulder.