TBAY: Canon College: DEs and Aurors 101 (WAS "Despiadado"

[ssk7882]

No: HPFGUIDX 43464

Professor Eileen Lucky-Kari smiled mysteriously over her wine glass at
George, who amazingly enough, was smiling right back at her.  He had
been remarkably attentive all through dinner -- that is, if you 
didn't count the part during the soup course, when he had left her 
alone at the table for just *ages* to loiter by the restrooms and 
chat up the women seated near the kitchen.  Or that unfortunate 
period of time when his attention had seemed utterly distracted by 
the brunette in the corner.  Or that bit of egregious flirtation with 
the busboy.  Still, the Professor figured that all of those things 
had been pretty funny, really.  So they probably shouldn't count 
against him.

Right now, though, George was looking right *at* her.  And doing 
something with his foot under the table that probably ought to have 
been exciting...although actually, it sort of tickled and was in fact 
beginning to get truly annoying.  Still, the Professor thought that 
it was probably *meant* to be exciting.  So she figured she should 
probably stop over-analyzing this entire experience and just try to 
enjoy it.

"George..." she began, then froze at the all too familiar sound of a 
rather hectoring voice.  She glanced across the crowded restaurant 
with a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.  Indeed, there she 
was, Professor Lucky-Kari's most temperamental student, Elkins, 
currently engaged in what appeared to be a heated debate with the 
matre d'.

The Professor put her wine glass down on the table and sighed wearily.

"Elkins found us," she said.  

George blanched.  He had always been a little bit afraid of Elkins.  

Elkins, you see, was utterly immune to charisma.  

Also, she didn't like red-heads.

"Can't we--" he began, but at that very moment Elkins came bustling 
up to the table.  She had a sheet of parchment in one hand, and a 
decided expression of indignation on her face.

"Now why did I expect to see you here, Elkins?" Professor Lucky-Kari 
sighed.

"Well, Professor," said Elkins, somewhat out of breath.  "Your 
secretary said that you weren't taking calls, and no one was 
answering your fireplace, and..."

"And so you thought that you'd track me down at a restaurant.  
Naturally.  You know George, of course."

Elkins narrowed her eyes slightly "We've met," she said coldly.

"Elkins," said George, with equal warmth.

"This is about your marks," sighed the Professor.  "Isn't it."

"Professor, I really *must* protest!  A *C!*  I mean, it's--"

"Average.  A C means *average,* Elkins.  You don't have a problem 
with being *average,* do you?"

"Well, I..."

"You aren't some sort of *elitist,* Elkins.  Are you?"

"Well, I...I..."  Elkins seemed briefly at a loss for words.  The 
Professor resolved to enjoy this state of affairs while it lasted, 
which was not, sadly, for very long at all.  

"I *think,*" Elkins stated huffily.  "That it must *surely* be clear 
to *anyone* who can take an unbiased *view* of things that a terrible 
miscarriage of *justice* has been--"

"Do you think I could have the short version, Elkins?  You may have 
noticed that I'm eating dinner."

"The short version?"  Elkins blinked.  "Um...of course, Professor.  
Of course.  Well.  First off, I don't know if I really think that 
Cindy should have received just as much credit as *I* did for her 
response to the question about precisely what Crouch authorized his 
Aurors to do.  I mean, I did a *close reading.*  *I* cited canon.  
*I* carefully parsed Sirius' canonical statement about the changes 
instituted under Crouch and evaluated its meaning.  And I think that 
my conclusion -- that what Crouch in fact authorized his aurors to do 
was to kill *rather* than to capture, in other words, to kill people 
who could *instead* have been apprehended -- was perfectly sound.  In 
fact, you said so yourself, Professor."

"Yes.  And you received full credit for it.  Your point?"

"Well, but you also gave full credit to *Cindy,* now, didn't you?  
And what *Cindy* said...well, it just didn't make sense, Professor!  
She said that it was perfectly acceptable for Aurors to be going 
around shooting suspects in the *back!*"

"She did have all of those law books, Elkins."

"Oh, books!  Books, schmooks!  There are more important things than 
*books.*  Things like...um..."  Elkins thought for a long moment, 
then shook her head.  "Oh," she said. "Oh, well.  Actually, I can't 
think of anything more important than books right now.  Damn!"

"Did you have a point, Elkins?"

"Yes!  The point here is that Cindy said:

> Now, it is entirely possible that, before Crouch authorized the use 
> of the Unforgiveables, the wizarding rules didn't allow aurors to 
> shoot suspects in the back at all. Aurors *had* to try to hit them 
> with some spell and capture them if they were trying to flee. 

Which is precisely what I said!  But then she went on to say that 
this was a *good* thing.  She said:

> After all, we don't know that there would be no accountability if 
> an Auror didn't follow established procedure and killed on sight or 
> something. As Elkins said, the wizarding world does have a justice 
> system, and there's no reason to think Aurors had immunity for 
> criminal action if they abused their authority according to 
> whatever procedural requirements were established.

"But we *do* know that!  Or at least we can infer it.  Because Sirius 
said--"

"Do we always believe everything that Sirius says, Elkins?" Professor 
Lucky-Kari interrupted gently.

"Well...well, no.  But...but, oh look!  Cindy was arguing from real 
world law, to prove that it is possible that Crouch was merely 
expanding the laws of the WW to conform with what is well within the 
bounds of what we Muggles would consider perfectly reasonable and 
commonplace: namely, to permit the police to shoot suspects who might 
prove a danger if they were permitted to escape.  Right?"

"Yes?"

"But why *should* we consider this reasonable?  *Or* commonplace?"

"Well," said George.  "Cindy *is* basically right that police have 
the authority to kill in situations where they are not immediately 
defending themselves or bystanders."

"You're a Snapetheory, George," snapped Elkins.  "*You* stay out of 
this."

"But George has a point," said the Professor.  "Obviously if the law 
does not allow such an action, then it really ought to.  To do 
otherwise would be just so contrary to common sense!"  

"*Whose* common sense?" demanded Elkins.  "Don't you think that's a 
very *American* view, Professor?  Uh," she added quickly.  "A very 
*North* American view, I mean. *North* American.  After all, Cindy 
was arguing from US law.  But JKR's Wizarding World isn't an analogue 
of the US at all, is it?  It's an analogue of the UK.  And in the UK,

> the police are *not* normally armed. Only certain officers are 
> allowed to bear arms and the circumstances under which they are 
> allowed to bear, and even more to use arms are strictly controlled. 
> *Any* police killing is news-worthy and ends up in an inquiry. I 
> don't think we really have a concept (certainly not a publically 
> perceived concept) of the police being *allowed* to kill under 
> certain circumstances: any police killing will have to be justified 
> according to its individual merits.

"So you see, Crouch's measures really *do* constitute unusual war-
time--"

"Elkins!" Professor Lucky-Kari said sharply.  "Whose work was that?"

Elkins opened her eyes very wide.  "What?" she asked innocently.

"I saw *angle brackets,* Elkins.  That wasn't your own work.  Whose 
was it?"

"It's not..."  Elkins sighed.  "Oh, all right.  Fine.  It was 
Eloise's.  But the *point*--"

"Really, Elkins!  Even if the angle brackets hadn't given the show 
away, that 'we' certainly would have.  We all *know* that you're 
a..."  The Professor paused meaningfully.  "A *North* American."

"I didn't mean to *plagiarize," muttered Elkins.  "I just--"

"Plagiarism isn't the issue here, Elkins.  Misattribution is."  The 
Professor reached down to draw a slim metal ruler out of her 
purse.  "You *know* how we feel about misattribution here on the 
list."  

Elkins sighed.  She held out her palm and looked away.

"I'm still skeptical about the idea that the right to kill fleeing 
suspects would have been a war-time measure only," said Professor 
Lucky-Kari, taking Elkins' hand firmly in her own.  "After all," she 
said, "the WW is a lot Tougher than the muggle world."  She laid the 
ruler lightly across Elkins' palm, eyes fixed on her face.  "It seems 
almost impossible to believe that they wouldn't have allowed their 
Aurors to kill fleeing suspects, even before Crouch."

"It doesn't--" Elkins began, then made a small high noise in the back 
of her throat, as she felt the ruler leave her palm.  The Professor 
smiled lazily, then let go of her hand.

"Let's just let it pass this time, shall we?" she said 
pleasantly.  "You're really not much good with physical pain.  Are 
you, Elkins."

Elkins opened her eyes.  She jerked her hand back to her side and 
glared at the Professor with an expression of pure hatred.

"Thanks," she muttered, after a long moment.  She took a deep 
breath.  "It doesn't seem impossible to *me,*" she said.  "This is a 
society that has declared the Avadra Kedavra 'Unforgiveable,' isn't 
it?  And yet, as you yourself have mentioned, it seems like a 
merciful enough death.  Not a bad way to go, really.  And yet, it is 
held to be Unforgivable by this society.  So I think that we can run 
into some error if we take the 'warrior culture' motif too far.  In 
some ways, it is.  In others, it is not.  And I think that we are 
meant to understand that in its *judicial* practices, at any rate, 
the Wizarding World isn't analogous to a warrior culture at all.  
It's--"

"But that's where I'm skeptical," interrupted the Professor.  "Crouch 
relaxing a few safeguards, I can see. But not his having to do away 
with a law that NEVER EVER allowed the auror to shoot the Fleeing 
Suspect in the back. Who would make that law?  Can you imagine the 
*Romans* passing such a law?"

"Well, can you imagine the Romans abolishing capital punishment?" 
retorted Elkins.  "And yet apparently, the Wizarding World has done 
just that.  In the Pensieve sequence in GoF, Crouch calls his son's 
crimes 'a crime so heinous that we have rarely heard the like of it 
within this court.'  The mob is hissing and jeering.  And yet no one 
even raises the possibility of death as a possible sentence.  Can 
you really imagine Brutus sentencing his son to *life in prison?*"

A dreamy expression crossed Professor Lucky-Kari's face.  "Crouch was 
like Brutus," she mused.  "Wasn't he."

"He was, rather," agreed Elkins.

"I have dreams sometimes," sighed the Professor.  "Dreams about 
trembling in the dock, with Bartemius Crouch presiding over my 
tribunal--"

"For God's sake, Professor," hissed Elkins.  "Pull yourself 
together!"  She paused, glanced quickly around the restaurant, then 
leaned in close, to whisper urgently in the Professor's ear.  "In 
those dreams of yours, are you actually *guilty?*  Or do you stand 
falsely accu--"

George cleared his throat.

Elkins jumped.  "Er," she stammered.  "Um, yeah.  Well.  Yes.  But 
anyway, the Brutus analogy really is quite clear.  Crouch was doing a 
Brutus.  So he surely would have been calling for the death sentence, 
if one had existed, don't you think?  His wife would have been 
prevailing on him to spare their son's *life.*  It would have come 
up.  Instead, he calls for life imprisonment, and she faints dead 
away.  Nor is the crowd disappointed in Crouch.  They're all hissing 
and screaming as if they'd just won the...the *Vengeance Lottery* or 
something..."

"There's a Vengeance Lottery?" murmered George.

"I'd say that life in Azkaban is the most severe sentence one can 
receive, wouldn't you?"

"Actually, I--" 

"Ah!" interrupted Elkins.  "What about the Dementor's Kiss, I hear 
you cry?  Well! The Dementor's Kiss has only been authorized twice 
that we know of in canon.  Once for Sirius Black, and once for young 
Crouch.  Both of them Azkaban *escapees.*  So the implication here 
seems to be that the Kiss is *only* used for those who have proven 
that the wizarding prison cannot hold them by virtue of escaping from 
it.  It's a last ditch effort."

"Actually," the Professor began again.  "I--"

"But there's no death penalty, Professor."

"Elkins..."

"There's no death penalty."

"*Elkins!*" snapped the Professor.  "I *agree* with you about the 
death penalty."

"You do?"  Elkins blinked.  "Oh.  Oh, well.  All right, then.  So you 
see my point, I trust.  When it comes to the WW's *judicial* system, 
the analogy that we want to be looking to in order to evaluate 
Crouch's measures is *not* Livian Rome.  And it's not the United 
States, either.  It's a place that has no death penalty.  It's a 
place that does not ordinarily countenance weapons (read, 'spells') 
that make it very easy to kill someone instantly.  It's a place 
without a gun culture, in other words.  The analogue here is 
contemporary Britain.  No death penalty.  And *no* shooting fleeing 
suspects in the back.  Not under normal circumstances, at any rate.  
Only in times of war, or as a special measure taken against terrorist 
activities.  It *is* an unusual circumstance, Professor.  For an 
Auror to use AK on the hypothetical Fleeing Suspect is *not* business 
as usual in the Wizarding World.  Warrior culture or no."

The Professor thought about this, then shook her head doubtfully.  "I 
still think you'd have to be a bleeding heart of the bloodiest 
variety to ban all lethal force in the case of the Fleeing Suspect," 
she said.

"Do you?"  Elkins glanced down at her own heart, then shrugged.  
"Well, but wizards have options that we muggles don't, don't they?  
Take that binding spell,for example.  We've already seen it used 
three times, by three different wizards, in the canon.  Snape uses 
it to immobilize Lupin in the Shrieking Shack.  Shortly thereafter, 
Lupin himself uses it to restrain Peter.  And then Peter uses it in 
GoF, to bind Harry to the gravestone.  It would certainly seem to be 
a very commonly known spell, don't you think?  Snape doesn't even 
need his *wand* to cast it.  He just snaps his fingers.  Can you 
really imagine that trained Aurors wouldn't know it?  For that 
matter, can you really imagine that they wouldn't be familiar with 
*lots* of different ways to prevent a suspect from fleeing, short of 
Killing him?  Muggles don't always have that option, but wizards?  
Wizards *do.*  So it seems perfectly reasonable to me to believe that 
under normal circumstances, they would *not* be able to kill a 
Fleeing Suspect."

Elkins took a deep breath.

"Therefore," she concluded.  "It is an *extreme* measure.  The Aurors 
had just as many options open to them under Crouch's regime as they 
did before.  There is *still* no reason for them to be practising the 
AK on people who have never been convicted, nor even formally 
accused, of any crime.  Therefore, Cindy's argument that Crouch's 
authorization to kill should not be read as perilous does not hold."

Professor Lucky-Kari took a slow sip of her wine.

"Elkins," she said.  "Why didn't you bring this any of this up during 
the actual *exam?*"

"I can't help it," whined Elkins.  "I'm not any *good* with 
competition, Professor.  I never have been.  I can't stand the 
pressure.  I just go all to pieces.  I...well, I Crack."

"Well, that's certainly regrettable, but it's really not my problem, 
is it? You knew when you joined my class that I was sitting an oral 
examination.  You really *do* have to Toughen up one of these days, 
you know."

"Well, I...well, okay, fair enough, but what about the second 
question, then?  I give a complete answer, *with* canon, and then you 
give Avery and Cindy equal marks for a couple of lousy 'me toos?'"

The Professor sighed.

"Look, Elkins," she said.  "You want to know the truth, here, I 
wanted to knock you down a bit for that 

> I think Crouch Sr. authorized Aurors to kill anyone they damn well 
> felt like, with little or no accountability to anyone for their 
> actions.

"That was really overstating your case, don't you think?  It was--"

"Over-analizing?"

"No, not over-analizing.  *Strident.*  Strident and over-stated.  And 
really pretty silly, too, when it comes right down to it.  After all, 
you surely didn't mean to imply that Frank Longbottom was Avada 
Kedavring his neighbours for their tennis table while Crouch Sr. 
looked the other way, were you?  That's Dekulakization, not the 
Potterverse!"

"Dekulakization?" repeated Elkins numbly.

"Yes.  Dekulakiazation is--"

"I know what dekulakization is.  I just...um."  Elkins shook her 
head, then laughed helplessly.  "I, um, just *really* never thought 
that it was a word that I would see on *this* list.  I mean, *ever.*"

"'Dekulakization and Collectivization from 1921-1929 in Soviet 
Russia,'" said Professor Lucky-Kari smugly.  "That was the title of a 
paper of mine that got a perfect mark. Naturally, I remember it quite 
well.  In fact...what?" she asked Elkins, whose lips were twitching 
suspiciously.  "WHAT?"

"Nothing."  Elkins bit her lower lip.  "It's, uh, nothing, 
Professor.  I just, um, well...Well.  Well, my.  You really *do* 
identify with Percy Weasley, don't you?"

"Oh, shut up," the Professor told her.  

"Not that I mind, Professor," added Elkins hastily.  "I mean, I just 
*love* Percy.  I defend him all the time!  You've noticed that, 
Professor, surely.  Haven't you?  Haven't you?"

The Professor glanced down to the floor.

"Those shoes are Italian leather, Elkins," she said calmly.  "If you 
really *must* do that, then kindly stick to the soles."  She shook 
her head.  "I really don't see Dekulakization as a realistic role-
model for the Potterverse.  And that's why I knocked down your 
marks.  You were exaggerating.  You have a terrible tendency to do 
that, you know."

"But I just can't help it, Professor!  The instant that Sirius 
started talking about those Aurors, I just, just..."

"Just went all Alexandr Solzhenitsyn?"

"Well...yes.  I suppose so."

"I know, Elkins.  I know.  But we really do have to stick with the 
canon, you know."

"But JKR worked for Amnesty International!  Surely she felt exactly 
the same way!"

"You aren't really arguing that the reader's best guess as to 
authorial intent is *canon,* Elkins, are you?"

"Well, I, er, no.  No, no, of course not.  Absolutely not.  But is it 
such a bad analogy, really?  I mean, just look!"  Elkins struggled up 
onto her knees, banging her head against the bottom of the 
table.  "Ow."  She fumbled in her pocket, drew out a battered book, 
and began leafing through it wildly.  "Look!"

"Is that _The Gulag Archipelago?_" asked the Professor, with some 
interest.  "That's one of my all-time favorite books!"

"Really?  Mine too.  Here we go.  Section 10 f Article 58..."

"You mean, 'Propaganda or agitation, containing an appeal for the 
overthrow, subverting, or weakening of the Soviet power...and, 
equally, the dissemination or preparation or possession of literary 
materials of similar nature?'" asked the Professor, frowning.

"Yes.  What Solzenitsyn has to say about that is: 'Such was the 
fearlessness of the great Power when confronted by the *word* of a 
subject! . . . . After all, anything which does not strengthen must 
weaken.  Indeed, anything which does not completely coincide, 
*subverts!*'"

Elkins nodded enthusiastically.

"And *then* he quotes Mayakovsky," she said.  "'And he who sings not 
with us today is against us!'"

"Yes, Elkins," agreed the Professor.  "But what on earth does any of 
that have to do with this discussion?"

"It..."  Elkins blinked.  "Oh," she said.  "Oh.  No, sorry.  Wrong 
thread.  *That* quote was relevant to the *Twins* thread.  No, no, 
*this* was the part I was looking for...

"'Lists of names prepared up above, or an initial suspicion, or a 
denunciation by an informer, or any anonymous denunciation, were all 
that was needed to bring about the arrest of the suspect, followed by 
the inevitable formal charge.'

"Now doesn't *that* sound familiar?"

"It doesn't sound like the Potterverse," said the Professor, shaking 
her head.

"Doesn't it?  Just look at what we've seen of the situation under 
Crouch.  Karkaroff gives a bunch of names, right?  The *only* useful 
name we see him give is Rookwood. And then, the *very next thing we 
see* is Bagman's trial.  Why was he arrested?  Was there any evidence 
*before* his arrest, other than Rookwood's denunciation?  Was there
any evidence for Rookwood's arrest, other than Karkaroff's 
denunciation?  Sirius says that Karkaroff 'put a load of other people 
in Azkaban in his place.'  But the only genuinely *useful* name he 
gives in the Pensieve is Rookwood's.  So Rookwood's arrest must have 
led to a whole *slew* of other arrests, and most of those people must 
*not* have been let free, as Bagman was.  Was there hard evidence for 
*any* of those people to be arrested at all?  Or were they just 
arrested on the say-so of other convicts?"

"We don't know," said the Professor strictly.  "And there's no reason 
to suppose that there wasn't a perceived need to find some evidence 
against them before they were formally charged."

"Oh, yes there is!" cried Elkins.  "Because of the Penseive Four!  
Both Sirius and Dumbledore admit that there was not much evidence 
against them at all.  But even more than that, Sirius says that 
Crouch Jr. was 'definitely caught in the company of people I'd bet my 
life were Death Eaters -- but he might have been in the wrong place 
at the wrong time.'  In the wrong place at the wrong time?  He was 
*arrested* and formallly *charged.*  On what grounds?  Sounds like 
an 'initial suspicion' to me.  Or perhaps like an 'anonymous 
denunciation.'  And then he was held in Azkaban awaiting trial.  At 
his sentencing, he pleads with his father not to send him *back* to 
the dementors!  So it really doesn't look to me as if there was any
real evidence needed at all to file formal charges under Crouch's 
regime.  If you're suspected for any reason at all, then you can be 
arrested, you can be formally charged, you can be thrown in with the 
dementors, *and* you can be subject to the Unforgiveables!"

Elkins leafed wildly through her battered copy of _The Gulag 
Archipelago._  She found another bookmarked page and began reading.

"'People have speculated about a Tibetan potion that deprives a man 
of his will, and about the use of hypnosis.  Such explanations must 
by no means be rejected: if the NKVD possessed such methods, clearly 
*there were no moral rules* to prevent resorting to them.  Why not 
weaken or muddle the will?'"

She slammed her book shut with an air of mad triumph.

"Why not, indeed?" she cried.  "But unlike the NKVD, the WW *did* 
have moral rules preventing them from using that technique.  Until 
*Crouch* got his hands on them, that is.  And then, here, when 
Solzenitsyn talks about torture..."

"I know all about the chapter on torture, Elkins," said Professor 
Lucky-Kari quietly.

"You do?  Oh."  Elkins' gaze fell on the Professor's old battered 
FEATHERBOAS.  "Oh, right, of course you do, Professor, please forgive 
me.  Of course.  Then naturally you remember the clause about 'in 
view of the extraordinary situation prevailing....interrogators 
were allowed to use violence and torture on an unlimited basis, at 
their own discretion...'"

"I know all *about* the chapter on torture, Elkins," repeated 
Professor Lucky-Kari grimly.

"Right.  So you see what I'm saying, don't you?  My image of the WW 
under Crouch as falling into the abyss of Stalinist Russia may have 
been a *bit* exaggerated, but there are plenty of indications that in 
some ways, it really isn't all that absurd parallel to be drawing.  
Just ask JOdel, will you?  *JOdel* agrees with me!  She said that the 
Lestranges deserved a *medal* for saving the WW from totalitarianism!"

"Well...possibly," conceded the Professor.  "Possibly.  Although I 
really can't see Bartemius Crouch countenancing Aurors AK'ing people 
in the back and then confiscating their belongings, like happened 
under Stalin.  Can you?"

"Well..."

"*Can* you?  Honestly, now, Elkins.  Honestly."

"Honestly?"  Elkins struggled for a moment with this concept, then 
sighed.  "No," she admitted.  "I guess not.  Crouch was a man of 
honor.  He did release Karkaroff in exchange for his information, 
just like he said he would, and in spite of the fact that Aurors like 
Moody would have preferred to 'throw him back to the dementors.'  
And people *were* acquitted under his regime.  All of those Death 
Eaters got off the hook, and so did Bagman.  Crouch wasn't Stalin."

"No," agreed Lucky-Kari severely.  "He most certainly was not.  And 
*that* is why you didn't get your A, Elkins.  Well...that, and Frank 
Longbottom.  You know perfectly well that Dumbledore liked Frank 
Longbottom.  So he couldn't have been so bad either.  Just like Cindy 
said."

"But that's was *my* argument, not Cindy's!" objected Elkins.  "I 
used that argument all the way back in January, to explain to Eric 
Oppen why I couldn't bring myself to believe that Frank Longbottom 
Was Judge Dredd On Acid!  Cindy was stealing my argument!"

"Well, if you didn't want Cindy to steal your argument, then you 
shouldn't have left an opening for her to do so by making that 
*ridiculous* attempt to smear poor Crouch by painting him as a Stalin 
figure, with the Aurors as his bluecaps.  I'm sorry, Elkins.  
The C stands."

"But..."

"It stands, Elkins."

"But..."

"My dinner is cooling, Elkins."

Elkins opened her mouth once more to object, snapped it shut, turned 
on one heel, and then turned back.

"It was the gum, wasn't it?" she hissed venemously.

"Elkins..."

"It *was.*  It was the *gum.*  There's bias in play here.  Bias, pure 
and simple.  It's...you're...I...I mean, all right.  All right.  I 
can see you favoring Cindy.  But *Avery,* Professor?  Avery?  Over 
*me?*"

The Professor shrugged.  "I like Avery," she said.

"Who CARES if you like him?" screamed Elkins.  "THat's not the *point!
*  The *point* is whether he is a good STUDENT or not!  And that has 
absolutely no bearing on whether or not you happen to LIKE him!  It--

"He gave me gum," said Lucky-Kari simply.  

"So WHAT?  What does *gum* have to do with academic--"

"It reveals character.  All behavior reveals character.  And 
distributing gum shows a generous spirit."

"A generous SPIRIT?  He's a Death Eater!"

"Yes, but a very generous one.  That really mitigates things, don't 
you think?  And besides, Elkins, I really don't think that labelling 
a nice fellow like Avery with a nasty term like 'Death Eater' is 
quite fair.  It just seems...excessive, somehow."

"But he IS a Death Eater!"

"And besides," added the Professor.  "He's funny."

"FUNNY?"

"Yes.  That scene in the graveyard really gave me a chuckle, the way 
he walked right into Voldemort's Cruciatus like that.  Besides, he's 
such an insignificant character, isn't he? He's only had seven words 
of dialogue, and only one appearance, and that's been comedic.  He's 
a Toon, really.  He doesn't even warrant the second dimension.  So 
it's sort of silly to go around calling him a *Death Eater,* don't 
you think?"

Elkins stared at her.  "I..." she stammered.  "I, I, I...but what 
does the fact that he's FUNNY have to do with his CHARACTER?  What 
does the fact that he's TOONISH have to do with his BEHAVIOR?  What 
does the fact that he's INSIGNIFICANT have to do with--"

"Oh, stop over-analizing the text, will you," the Professor snapped 
irritably.  "What difference does it make?  It's just getting 
tedious.  You know what your problem is, Elkins?  You simply aren't a 
sympathetic character.  That's your problem.  It makes people want to 
see you taken down a peg."

"*I'm* not a sympathetic character?  Me?  Well, what about Cindy?  
Cindy proved herself capable of murder all the way back in February.  
Surely you haven't forgotten that, Professor?" asked Elkins 
desperately.  "Surely you haven't forgotten that she tried to kill 
*Avery?*"

"Forgotten?"  Professor Lucky-Kari raised an eyebrow.  "Forgotten?  
Oh, no, Elkins.  No, I assure you.  My *memory* is as good as it ever 
was."

Elkins went very pale.  

"Your grade," concluded the Professor calmly.  "Stands."

The silence was broken by the clatter of an approaching cart.

"Dessert, Elkins?" asked George cheerfully, gesturing to the assorted 
sweets the waiter was bringing to the table.

Elkins glanced at the dessert cart.  She snarled wordlessly, then 
swivelled on one heel and stalked out of the restaurant.

"That last bit was really uncalled for, George," said Professor Lucky-
Kari, eyeing the chocolate mousse speculatively.  "Don't you think?"

"Uncalled for?"  George shrugged.  "Who cares?  It was funny."


======================================================================

For an explanation of the acronyms and theories in this post, visit 
Hypothetic Alley at 

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPforGrownups/files/Admin20Files/hypothe
ticalley.htm 

and Inish Alley at 

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPforGrownups/database?method=reportRows
&tbl=13