[HPforGrownups] Convenient Plot Devices

[Dave Hardenbrook]

No: HPFGUIDX 43711


Thursday, September 5, 2002, 4:05:35 PM, manic wrote:

m> There's a spell or device for everything. Need to know
m> someone's innermost thoughts? look into their pensive. Need a few more
m> hours, use a time turner. Want to sneak around? Don't worry, there's an
m> invisibility cloak. Need to do something? Create a potion or spell. I
m> feel like Chuck Jones might have felt when giving the Wile E. something
m> to do, need a tool? Simply place a 'ous' or something after it to give
m> the thing a vaguely Latin feel and go with it.

I have just one question to ask: Have you ever read an Oz book?  :)


Here's how _GoF_ would have ended if it had been an Oz book:

Glinda looked in her Book of Records, and read that Voldemeort
had just kidnapped Harry and was using him to rebirth himself.  So in her
swan-drawn chariot, which is much faster than apparating, she went to
the Emerald City Palace and informed Ozma.

Ozma looked in the Magic Picture and saw Harry helplessly tied to a
tombstone and being taunted by the newly reborn Voldemort, with
his faithful Death Eaters looking on appreciatively.  Quickly
she called in her maid Jellia Jamb and commanded her to fetch her
Magic Belt.  Jellia, mumbling something or other about serving as a
mere go-fer and not having a single funny line in years, ambled out
and a minute later returned with the Magic Belt.

Ozma grabbed the Belt, strapped it to her waist and cried, "Send me
to the Riddle graveyard!"  And in a twinkling she was.  Seeing Harry
about to duel with Voldy and probably die, Ozma got out the Magic
Wishing Necklace she got from Skamparoo, put it around her neck and
said, "I wish Harry to be returned to Hogwarts!" and he was gone,
without the aid of a Portkey.

"Ozma!  What the hell are you doing here, destroying my big chance
to be Ever-So-Evil?!" Voldy screamed with rage, and turning to his
Death Eaters he cried, "Seize her, you fools!"

But before a single DE could move, Ozma whispered a command to the Magic
Belt: "Turn all the DE's into acorns, and turn Voldemort into a
cactus!"  And it was done.  And Cactus!Voldemort remains on display in
Ozma's Palace to this day.


Don't talk to me about Convenient Plot Devices. :)

-- 
Dave