I Wanna Go Back To Pixies (filk)

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 44051

I Wanna Go Back To Pixies

To the tune of I Wanna Go Back To Dixie by Tom Lehrer

Dedicated to Marina Frants (a fellow Lehrer fan)

Hear an excerpt at:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00004SWBH/qid=1032132729/sr=2
-1/ref=sr_2_1/002-3843865-5912055

THE SCENE: A room in St. Mungo's. GILDEROY LOCKHART, his memory 
almost fully restored, is about to be released.  He plans his 
comeback, despite certain mnemonic gaps as well as a continued 
tendency to confabulate his stolen memories with his own 
experiences



LOCKHART
I wanna go back to Pixies
Teach again about ol' Pixies
A terrific gem for me's renewed memory.
I recall what I'd forgotten
`Bout that kid named Harvey Potten
And my rescue of young Janey Willey
(Got there in the nick of time.)

I'll go back to do more signings
For my fans for me are pining
I'll stage a comeback that will be real grand
They'll all toss bright confetti
While I hawk "Year With the Yeti"
As I clasp some sweet thing's sweaty hand 

(Imagining himself before an audience, LOCKHART role-plays some of 
the fabricated scenes from his earlier books)

Oh, werewolf, 
How I fought ya, how I fought ya
You bad ol' werewolf!

Wont'cha hear just how I caught the Banshee
A scoundrel right out of Thomas Clancy
The spell was simple, it was nothing fancy
But just like that, it worked.

(But in a sudden flash of clarity, LOCKHART remembers that his 
imposture was exposed)

But wait: they all know how I was just a fraud, you see
No one believes a single word of my Odyssey

So can I go back to Pixies
Or are things now just too sticky?
Would a comeback prove to be the Ultimate Flint?
If I speak of vicious vampires
Will they cry "He's a damn liar!"
While Rita slurs my good name in print?

I'm facin' destitution
And bitter disrepu-tion
Will I wander place to place like ol' Remus L.?
They won't forgive Armenia
Should I just resume amnesia
..?

(LOCKHART takes up his wand)

Be they ever so difficult
I still know mem'ry spells
..

(LOCKHART casts a Memory Spell on himself, erasing his memory again)

  - CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS 
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm