There is a Sorting (filk)

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 55725

There is a Sorting 

To the tune of  There is a Sucker Born Ev'ry Minute, from the 1980 
musical Barnum (Cy Coleman & Michael Stewart, first sang by Jim Dale)

Dedicated to Haggridd (for introducing me to City of Angels, another 
Cy Coleman musical)

Hear a MIDI at:

http://www.broadwaymidi.com/shows/barnum.html

NOTE: If Textual Sphinx is correct that the sorting songs are 
actually written by the Hogwarts faculty, this brash and blustery 
number may be the work of Gilderoy Lockhart, the closest thing the 
Potterverse has to a P.T. Barnum
.

http://home.att.net/~coriolan/faculty/sortinghat.htm

THE SCENE: The Great Hall, during the annual sorting ceremony. 

THE SORTING HAT: (Spoken) Hat is the name, the Hogwarts Sorting Hat. 
And whether you think my singing is splendid or accursed, you're 
still going to listen. Because every time I plop down upon a Firstie 
noggin, a delightful phenomenon takes place that absolutely 
guarantees it

 

(music)
There is a Sorting done when I'm on it
Each time that I am placed upon a skull
A process quite remarkable
Occurs right here as I decide
Which of four ways you're classified at Hogwarts
This clever bonnet
Is now all set to let you meet your future peers
'Cause at the Start-of-Term,  the Sorting Hat is on it
As I recite for you this sonnet true, my dears....

(The HAT slides the entire length of the Ravenclaw table, then 
springs over to Slytherin)

Of our four Founders, I'll tell the tale
About a thousand or so years it seems
Ago they had this lofty dream
To educate young acolytes 
In all the wisdom and the rites of magic
Nor did they fail
For their pupils they these quadruple dorms decreed
Since then at Start-of-Term, the Sorting Hat is on it
For due to an odd trick of ol' Godric, that's me!

(This year, instead of waiting on the stool as the students come to 
him, the HAT flies around the room, landing on random assorted first-
year craniums)


If I discern that you're an Al Einstein 
Who revels in the life of mind
Then I'm inclined to call for Ravenclaw
If of courage you've a whiff in store
You'd better go to Gryffindor
The house that is a huge filk-maven draw

If you're a kid who's prone to juxtapose
The grindstone and your own known nose
Then you're for Hufflepuff (beside the salad bar) 
And if your bent's Medici-an 
With just a trace of Nietzschean
Then, you, young friend, I'll plunk straight down with Salazar
 
For you're at Hogwarts, hey, all right!
And here's our headline show tonight
..


..A Sorting done when I'm on it
Each time that I stroke a frontal lobe
An inmost self I then behold
And it's my job to organize
The dark, the brave, the meek, the wise in houses
This witty bonnet
Is now all set to let you meet your future crew
'Cause at the Start-of-Term  the Sortin' Hat is on it

(The HAT spies the smallest & most timid of the First-Years)

And friend, I now purport the next I'll sort is.....

(The HAT laughs exuberantly)

...........you!

(The HAT lands on the head of the terrified Firstie. Black-out)

   - CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS 
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm 
(update 4/20/03 with 52 new filks)