TBAY: Avery/Rita. No, not like that. Please.

[Cindy C.]

No: HPFGUIDX 56042

"Come on, you know I'm good for it, George."

"I know no such thing," George said icily, not looking up from the 
glass he was polishing.

"Just put it on my tab," Cindy pleaded.  "As soon as the Hurricane 
arrives, I'll be collecting on all these *bets* I've made."  She 
began ticking them off on her fingers.  "Let's see. . . . Hermione 
will die.  Bagman is ESE.  Real Moody is ESE and working for 
Rookwood.  Harry will go to St. Mungo's.  George, I'm gonna be 
*rich!*"

"And I'll *sell* you a Black Russian when you can pay for it," 
George retorted.  "How would that be?"

Cindy leaned forward on her stool, resting her elbows on the 
polished bar.  The top button of her uniform popped open, and she 
gazed up at George, fluttering her eyelashes.  "Well, maybe there's 
something else I can do for you as a form of payment?"

George paused, then staggered backward, one hand over his chest as 
though suddenly stricken.  He recovered quickly, grabbed bottles of 
Vodka and Kaluha and shoved them roughly in Cindy's direction.  "For 
the love of all that is good and holy, don't *DO* that!*" he 
shrieked.  "You're gonna make me sick again.  Look, just take the 
bottles and fix your own drink.  Make as many as you want.  
Just . . . . just *leave me alone*!"

"Thanks, George!"  Cindy said brightly.  "I won't be needing 
*this.*"  She pushed the Kaluha bottle back toward George, hoisted 
the Vodka bottle to her lips and took a deep swig.  "Aaaaahhhhhh," 
she sighed, wiping the back of her sleeve across her mouth.

Kirstini and Derannimer sat speechless on their bar stools, their 
drinks motionless in their frozen hands.  They glanced briefly at 
each other for strength.

"What are *you* two looking at?"

"Sorry. Sorry. I just wanted to say something about Rita Skeeter," 
Kirstini mumbled through her fingers. "I was outside, trying to 
pluck up the courage to come in, and I couldn't help but overhear 
what Derannimer here said just then -– I wasn't eavesdropping or 
anything
um. Anyway. Rita Skeeter. All I wanted to say was that the 
idea of her suddenly turning embedded reporter for Dumbledore seems 
a little –- out of character."

"Rita Skeeter, huh," Cindy said, grinning widely.  "Oh, I just love 
to talk about her."  She edged toward Kirstini, who scooted her 
stool back a few inches, hardly enough to notice.

"See, Rita Skeeter is something special in canon.  You know what she 
is, don't you?"  Cindy asked quietly.

"A snake in the grass?" asked Derannimer.

"The root of all evil?" added George.

"The spawn of Satan?" said Kirstini.

"I'm surprised at you people!" Cindy said in exasperation, closing 
her eyes briefly.  "Rita Skeeter isn't a snake in the grass or any 
of that.  Or more precisely, she's not *just* a snake in the grass.  
She's something much *better.*"  Cindy paused for dramatic effect, 
but this seemed to have the effect only of boring everyone.

She slammed her fist down onto the bar.  "Rita Skeeter is a First 
Rate *Banger,* that's what she is!" Cindy cried.  "Everything about 
the woman Bangs!"

"Point of order, Captain," Deranimmer challenged.  "Big Bang is a 
theory that encapsulates JKR's approach to storytelling.  You said 
it yourself:  'The Big Bang theory is an all-encompassing approach 
to canon theorizing based on the notion that  . . ."

". . . . JKR herself prefers to use highly dramatic, cinematic, or 
even melodramatic events to serve as catalytic turning points in her 
characters' lives,'" Cindy finished irritably.  "I know, I know."

"So how can Rita Skeeter possibly be a Banger her own self, then?" 
Kirstina asked with interest.

"Well," Cindy began, "when given a choice, Rita does tend to go for 
the drama in a story, doesn't she?  Look at what she writes about 
Harry.  'An ugly scar, souvenir of a tragic past, disfigures the 
otherwise charming face of Harry Potter.'  I *like* that in a 
reporter.  That's the most dramatic description of Harry's scar in 
all of canon, and it goes to Rita.

"Also, look at her personality.  She's opinionated and pushy.  She's 
tireless, aggressive and steamrolls people.  She says just what she 
thinks.  She's probably *difficult* -- even *impossible* to work 
with."  Cindy's voice rose, her nostrils flaring, her eyes 
flashing.  "Maybe she's even a little *disturbed!*  Huh?  *HUH!?*  
She's vindictive, a *threat,* isn't she!?"  Patrons at other tables 
stopped their conversation and craned their necks toward the 
bar.  "She must be *NEUTRALIZED* at all costs, *CAPTURED,* put in a 
little glass jar, **BLACKMAILED**! And then -- "

"You . . . you're *scaring* me, Captain," Kirstini stammered.

Cindy paused for a long moment, collecting herself and adjusting her 
uniform.  She took a deep cleansing breath, her toothy smile 
suddenly tight.  "No reason to be scared, sailor," she replied 
easily.  "Some people are just like that.  It may be hard to 
believe, but I myself have been known to exhibit some of those very 
traits.  Just now and then.  Maybe my appreciation for Rita Skeeter 
is just a form of Affective Fallacy or something.  I dunno.  I'll 
have to ask Elkins.  Or more accurately, *one* of the Elkinses."

"Uh," Derannimer began, "are you *going* somewhere with this, 
Captain?"

"Oh, I'm *always* going somewhere, sailor," Cindy said, exchanging 
the bottle of Vodka for the bottle of Kaluha.  "We've never 
considered the relationship between Rita Skeeter and Hermione, or at 
least, not lately.  Is there anyone who thinks Rita Skeeter will 
suffer the indignity of being trapped in a jar by a kid, kidnapped 
to London and blackmailed into not practicing her trade yet do 
*nothing* to retaliate?"

Cindy paused.  Only the crackling of the fireplace could be heard.

"Oh, no.  People like Rita *always* retaliate.  Rita Skeeter will 
fight back.  She will get even with Hermione for what she did.  Rita 
isn't scared of Hermione, and Rita can simply deny that she is an 
Animagus.  After all, who would take the word of an underage wizard 
on whether Rita is or is not an unregistered Animagus?  Oh, there's 
a lot of animosity between Hermione and Rita, and I'm thinking 
Hermione had better watch her back.  Rita sure will be.

"That's right.  Hermione will die in OoP when Rita settles an old 
score.  And *I* will collect on my Hermione bet and be able to 
bankroll my bar tab until Book 6."

"OK, now I think *I'm" going to be sick," Kirstini said.  "I knew I 
never should have come in this place after all I heard about what 
goes on here."

"Now, now," Cindy said, clapping Kirstini vigorously on the 
back.  "It's not that bad.  Not every theory in the Royal George 
includes the death of a beloved character."

Avery nodded enthusiastically from his perch near the fireplace.

"Let's do this.  Why don't you tell us your 'anti-Florence' 
theory?"  Cindy tossed her scarlet FEATHERBOA over her shoulder, 
where it swayed slightly as she spoke.   "Especially if 'anti' is a 
euphemism for Florence's violent and gory death-by-ambush in OoP," 
she smirked.


***************

Cindy