The Stoicism Tango (filk)

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 74965

The Stoicism Tango (OOP, Chap. 13)

To the tune of The Masochism Tango by Tom Lehrer 

Inspired in part by a presentation at Nimbus 2003, "Harry Potter and 
Stoic Virtue" by Edmund M. Kean

Dedicated to Marina F. 

THE SCENE: The DADA office, replete with animated kitty-cat posters. 
HARRY arrives for another in an interminable series of "Detentions 
with DELORES." This evening the office is set up as a dance floor, 
and DELORES, with a rose in her hair, challenges HARRY to that most 
confrontational of dance forms, the tango.

HARRY:
When confronting some person who'd hurt you
I rely on one primary virtue
I don't lack will
I don't fear your black quill,
As we dance to the Stoicism Tango.

To no one will I ever make mention
Of Dolores' horrid detention
Pleasant it ain't
But no word of complaint
As we dance to the Stoicism Tango.

UMBRIDGE:
You tell such lies
To help you realize,
I'm one of the good guys


HARRY:
Yeech!

UMBRIDGE:

.Compliance I demand

So still your rage
I will unlock your cage
Once we're on the same page:
Your penalty's at hand!

You will learn penmanship and calligraphy
Through my exacting choreography

HARRY
My hand is on fire
Not one drop I'll perspire
Which is what she desires as we tango.

UMBRIDGE:
All Hogwarts knows
How you're spending the whole week
With a Ministry control freak
Who has you in her grip 

HARRY:
So in class I suppose
It would be far more Stoic
If somewhat unheroic
If I kept my mouth zipped

UMBRIDGE:
Twixt' Potter and I it's a standoff

HARRY:
Like Wormtail I will cut my hand off
Before I give sign
That this writing of lines
Can weaken my spine as we two Tango.

UMBRIDGE:
See how we mesh,
My words carved in your flesh,
I feel so refreshed,
You know you cannot win.

HARRY:
This ranks quite low
Compared to Crucio
That I felt when You-Know-
-Who set out to do me in

(UMBRIDGE glares at HARRY for daring to mention his imaginary 
encounters)

Yikes! - 'Scuse me!

UMBRIDGE:
Return here tomorrow precisely
At the same time to do further slicing.
Write with your blood,
"I shall learn to be good"

BOTH
As we dance to the Maso... 
....Oops, we mean Stoicism Tango!

    -	CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS
 http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm 
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