Reggie and Old Mother Black (filk)

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 76842

Reggie and Old Mother Black (OOP, Chap. 6)

To the tune of Bobby and Jackie and Jack from Sondheim's Merrily We 
Roll Along

Sorry, no MIDI or RealAudio!

Dedicated to Roxanne (fellow Sondheim fan)

THE SCENE: 12 Grimmauld  Place. Canonically, this scene is between 
Sirius and Harry only, but I needed a third voice, hence Hermione's 
presence. 

HARRY 
1995 
 

HERMIONE
It's 1995 
 

SIRIUS
And man, what a bad year it's been! 

ALL THREE
So many terrors, 
Such horrors it has brought, 
We hardly know where to begin: 
There's Voldy and Barty, 
And Cedric Diggory 

HERMIONE
Achieving victory 

HARRY
But now he's history 
 

SIRIUS & HERMIONE
Harry keeps dreaming 
And Hopkirk's owl came in. 

HARRY: 
And my scar hurts again. 

ALL THREE
Good bye then to Four Privet Drive, 
At least till the end of Book Five. 
 
SIRIUS (unveiling a tapestry showing the "Noble and Most Ancient 
House of Black")
Grimmauld that we enter 
Is as cheerful as dementors —
Thanks to my dark Black Family
"Toujours 
C'est Pur" . 

The music turns into an Irish jig 

HARRY:
There's Reggie

HERMIONE: 
And Old Mother Black. 

ALL THREE
With a Sticking Charm on her back: 
There's Aram and Phin and Elladora 

HARRY:
Plus Alphard 

HERMIONE: 
Narcissa 

SIRIUS:
Andromeda
 
HARRY: 
And what's-her-name — ? 

HERMIONE:
Pansy? 

HARRY:
No, no, nada — 
The one in the Pensieve — 

HERMIONE & SIRIUS:
The one in the Pensieve? 

HARRY:
LeOdd
LeWeird
.

SIRIUS:
LeStrange.

HARRY:
That's it! 

ALL THREE 
The family tree goes way back, 
And here's the most salient fact 
This one was a pureblood and Slytherin
That one was a pureblood and Slytherin
The rest are all purebloods and Slytherins — 
With half-bloods they never used tact, 
Not Reggie and Old Mother Black 
And Ella and Bella and Ari and Al and Reg and Dad and Andy and Narcy 
and Phin
And the others all raising this terrible din
Such noise! — 
And the Malfoys 

Segue to the kitchen, where MOLLY leads her four youngest children in 
a vigorous clean-up campaign

MOLLY AND WEASLEY CHILDREN
We're changing the style of the Black House. 

MOLLY
I'm cleaning it up for a start. 

GINNY & RON
We're making it into a Phoenix attack house 
To battle the Dark Lord's Dark Arts. 

FRED & GEORGE
Evenings of some shady deals with Mundungus
And Snape making snarky reports. 

MOLLY
I'll get old Kingsley Shacklebolt
To dine with us and tackle all the 
Meatballs made in our food court
 
RON:
Together? 

MOLLY
He'll lend such perfect support. 

FRED:
Moody will show photos
Of those who've decomposed

RON:
And Podmore reads memos all day
.

GINNY:

.To the morphing
Nymphodora— 
The stylish young Auror— 
Just don't call her by name or she'll hex you six ways! 

MOLLY AND WEASLEY CHILDREN
We're changing the style of the Black House
Begone to each boggart-ish fear

MOLLY:
Get rid of the Doxies — 

RON: 
They sting a guy real bad. 

GEORGE (aside to FRED):
But save some with toxins — 
They prankish appeal have. 

GINNY:
And soon we'll see Diggle
 

FRED:
And Lupin! 

RON & GEORGE: 
And dear Dad! 

WEASLEY CHILDREN (aside, from MOLLY)
And later, when the coast is clear, 
Get out the Extendable Ears!

The WEASLEY CHILDREN dissolve in laughter. Segue back to SIRIUS, 
HARRY & HERMIONE

HARRY:
Now Father

HERMIONE: 
And Old Mother Black.

ALL THREE
Some family branches subtract 

SIRIUS:
Weasleys are off-limits, yes, that whole crew 

HARRY:
And that includes Arthur — 

HERMIONE:
— And Molly, too — 

SIRIUS:
And Charlie and Ginny — 

 HARRY 
—And Ronald too— 

HERMIONE:
— And then there's the Dog Star — 

SIRIUS & HARRY
Dog Star? 

SIRIUS: 
—Pluto—? 

HARRY
Lassie? 

HERMIONE: 
You know — ! 

HARRY:
Padfoot!

HERMIONE:
Yes!

ALL THREE
As all the paintings get packed 
The house-elf is blowing his stack. 

HERMIONE:
And Dumble says treat him with great respect 

HARRY
His rights and his privileges pledge protect

SIRIUS:
It would be more fun to wring his elf-neck — 
That worthless old family hack— 

ALL THREE
For he will not forfeit 
Not one of the portraits
Of Reggie or Old Mother Black 
Or Ella or Bella or Ari or Al or Reg or Dad or Andy or Narcy or Phin
Or other Blacks in stacks and stacks and stacks 
And stacks and stacks and stacks and stacks — 
The Grimmauld Place at Number 12, 
Is home to one packratting elf.

    -	CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm