Pore Ced Is Daid (filk)

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 78689

Pore Ced Is Daid (GoF, Chap. 35-36)

Here's the fourth filk from my filk-musical in progress, A!Kedavra to 
the tune of Pore Jud Is Daid, from Rodgers and Hammerstein's Oklahoma!

Dedicated to Wendy

THE SCENE: The grounds of Hogwarts, with all students and staff in 
attendance. HARRY has just returned from the Little Hangleton 
graveyard, clutching the lifeless body of Cedric Diggory. 

HARRY:
Pore Ced is daid,
Pore Cedric is daid.
After we had just achieved joint victory
`Twas a lad beyond compare
But said Voldy, "Kill the spare"
And he kilt him jus' as kilt as kilt could be 

ALL
Pore Ced is daid,
Pore Cedric is daid.
How awful that his youthful life is spent 

MOODY
Life is spent!

ALL (except HARRY, DUMBLEDORE & MOODY)
For a Tri-Wiz win he tied
But like that he up and died 
We reckon it's a tragic accident...

(MOODY drags HARRY away to his office)

MOODY:
[speaking] 
Now, you come along with me, I got something to say. Son, I bought 
you here to tell ya that I know the name of that no-good worthless 
bit of two-faced Death Eater filth what's been skulkin' round this 
here school of our'n. It were he what put your name in that Goblet. 
He helped you see howta beat them dragons. He conversated with 
McGonagall about whether you would use gillyweed in front of your 
little elf friend. He patrolled the maze, cursin' obstacles out of 
your way, stunnin' Fleur Delacour.... 

HARRY:
You can say that again!

MOODY:
....as she passed.  He put the Imperius Curse on Krum, so that he 
would finish Diggory and let you nab the cup.

HARRY:
I jus' knew you were gonna catch that varmint, Professor! Quick, 
let's find Dumbledore and tell him to arrest that guy.

MOODY (slapping his forehead)

You numbskull! It was me! I'm the no-good Death Eatin' skunk!

HARRY: (laughing)
Thanks, Professor, on a day like this I really need a good laugh. 
Now, quick, let's go find Dumbledore. 

MOODY: 
Not only is decent folk easy to manipulate, they is mighty slow on 
the uptake. Look, here, Potter, I'm a-aimin' to kill ya
.. 
[Singing] 
But you folks ain't really knowed me
Knowed that neath that shiny eye what always whirls
I'm a-Eatin' Death to serve Lord Voldemort

(The door is blasted open by DUMBLEDORE, who quickly fells MOODY)

DUMBLEDORE
But now you're on the floor-

MCGONAGALL
That is not Professor M
..

SNAPE
It's that Polyjuice again
.

(MOODY transforms back to CROUCH JR – he is then given Veritaserum, 
much to the consternation of WINKY)

WINKY [Speaking,]
Winky loves her Crouch family 
And Mister Crouch Senior, 
She loved him even though he thought she was less than the vermin 
And not even equal to a rat, `cause he was right!
And she loves little Master Barty, even if he wants to destroy
everything and everybody for the sake of Voldemort...You should never 
let on, you is getting us all in trouble...

(Exit CROUCH, under guard. Enter, moments later, MINISTER FUDGE)

FUDGE:
[Singing]
Pore Crouch is kissed,
Pore Junior is kissed,
By all accounts it ain't much of a loss

HARRY & DUMBLEDORE
Of a loss!

FUDGE:
The boy's out of control so he hadta lose his soul
He'll now just sit around and gather moss

DUMBLEDORE
Ol' Fudge is mad, his judgment is so bad
He's denyin' that the Dark Lord has returned 

FUDGE:
Turned--

DUMBLEDORE
And though Snape showed his Mark, Fudge remains yet in the dark
And seems to be completely unconcerned

FUDGE:
'Cerned! 

(Segue to the Great Hall, for the Leaving Feast, with all Hogwarts in 
attendance)

DUMBLEDORE
Pore Ced is daid, there's dark days up ahead,
May his mem'ry remain beyond reproach
If Voldy's to be defied
Then we must be unified 
(to HARRY)
And by next year you'll see thestrals pull the coach

ALL (except Slytherins):
Pore Ced... Pore Ced!

    -	CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS
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