Don’t Use My Number (filk)

[Caius Marcius <coriolan_cmc@hotmail.com>]

No: HPFGUIDX 49051

Don't Use My Number (PoA, Chap. 1)

To the tune of Phil Collins' Don't Lose My Number

Hear the original at:

http://www.foxlink.net/~bobnbren/1990s.html#D

Dedicted to Debbie (aka Elfundeb)

THE SCENE: Four Privet Drive. VERNON receives a call more unwelcome 
by far than the most intrusive telephone solicitor

HARRY
There came a night here on Privet Drive, Ron Weasley placed a call
Nobody taught him to dial right, so he began to bawl,
HELLO CAN YOU HEAR ME?, I heard him shout in the receiver 
CAN YOU LET ME SPEAK TO HARRY PLEASE NOW, Vernon responds as if 
having a cow

VERNON (into the phone):
Weasley, Weasley don't you use my number
'Cos you're not anyone Potter can talk to
Oh now Weasley, Weasley, I'll dial "M" for Murder
I don't like any Wiz on my phone who squawks through, oh no
..

Segue to RON at the Burrow

RON:
Searchin' through the day and into the night
I  didn't stop until I found one 
And then a Muggle loaned me her felly-tone, and so I'd though I'd try
GET OFF OF MY PHONE, I heard a shout, then a deaf'ning  bang
I must try to be a little more discreet
Maybe call-waiting avoids these harangues

With Dursley, Dursley you can't use his number
He won't let anyone Harry to talk to
Oh now Dursley, Dursley, should I let ya slumber?
'Cos he would not even put Phoenix Fawkes through, oh

VERNON (outraged, to RON)
I'll hang up, stop phoning, stop calling
Now I've hung up, oh Weasley, keep him off my line 
(to HARRY) Don't cross me you know that I cannot abide
Don't cross me, oh Potter
You better, you better, you better try suicide

Now Weasley, Weasley don't you use my number
'Cos you're not anyone Potter can talk to
Oh now Weasley, Weasley, I'll dial "M" for Murder
I don't like any Wiz on my phone who squawks through

HARRY
There came a night here on Privet Drive, Vernon gave me what-for
Weasley will never redial it, after he heard Vern roar
He's never calling back, he won't reply, cause Vern aggrieves him
Vernon threw such a hideous fit, he covered me with gobs of sprayin' 
spit

HARRY & VERNON 
Now Weasley, Weasley don't you use his/my number
'Cos you're not anyone Vernon/Potter will/can talk to
Oh now Weasley, Weasley, he'll/I'll dial "M" for Murder
He/I don't like any Wiz on his/my phone who squawks through

Now Weasley, Weasley don't you use his/my number
'Cos you're not anyone Vernon/Potter will/can talk to

..

    -	CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS 
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm 
(updated 1/1/03 with 47 new filks)