It’s Just TEWW EWWWWW to be TREEW (A TBAY filk)

[Caius Marcius <coriolan_cmc@hotmail.com>]

No: HPFGUIDX 49151

My first filk of the new year......

It's Just TEWW EWWWWW to be TREEW

To the tune of Can't Take My Eyes Off of You

Hear a MIDI at

http://www.angelfire.com/ma2/Gem/canttake.html

Based On The TEWW EWWW Trilogy
http://www.i2k.com/~svderark/lexicon/faq/hypotheticalley.html#eww

Dedicated to the TBAY gang

THE SCENE: The Safe House. The usual crowd is once again debating 
LOLLIPOPS

MARINER 
It's just TEWW EWWWWW to be TREEW
A giant cauldron of goo
To portray Snape with a crush
Will turn Book Five into mush
Severus all romantic
Will make each tummy get sick 
It's just TEWW EWWWWW to be TREEW
LOLLIPOPS should be taboo

TABOULI
The LOLLIPOPS that's I've forged
Is quite congruent with George
It readily underlies
Theories like The Prince of Lies
I'd rather see Snape seduced
Than slurp down more Polyjuice
It won't be EWWW if it's true 
Just count on Jo to pull through

(Suddenly a spotlight reveals what appears to be SEVERUS SNAPE 
himself, in black robes, with a pale lily pinned to his chest. On 
closer examination, it proves to be a Hypothetic Snape (transfrigured 
from a pincushion), who bursts into song.) 

HYPOTHETIC!SNAPE
I need you Lily, I was a total Geek
I need you Lily, I was a Dark Arts freak
I want you Lily, for those green eyes I pine
Oh, Lily baby I couldn't make you mine
Oh, Lily baby, from DE's I resigned
Now let me save you, oh Lily, let me save you, oh Lilly

(Spolight out. The debate resumes)

CINDYSPHINX
It's just TEWW EWWWWW to be TREEW
LOLLIPOPS please say adieu
You made Snape Voldy's ally
Till he said, "Jimmy must die!"
Snape by true love is redeemed
Now ain't that kind of extreme?
But what is even more EWWW 
Is the Dark Lord smitten, too

(Anther spotlight reveals LORD VOLDEMORT, also with a pale lily 
pinned to his chest - with what appears to be snake venom dripping 
from it. This VOLDEMORT proves to be another Hypothetical Construct 
(transfigured from a plush toy of a bunny rabbit)

HYPOTHETIC!VOLDEMORT
I want you, Lily, oh, you're my ingénue 
Straight from the sewer because it's truly EWWW
I want your baby, panic hard in dismay
That Potter baby could bring me down, they say 
That Potter baby, let's do it Herod's way
And let me love you, oh lady, and then kill your baby
.

(Hypothetical!VOLDEMORT and Hypothetical!SNAPE join together for the 
big finish.)

VOLDEMORT & SNAPE
We want you, Lily, please be my ingénue 
Straight from the sewer because it's truly EWWW

VOLDEMORT
I want your baby, I count on his demise

SNAPE
Oh, Lily, baby, for you I'm turning spy
But, Lily, baby, it's time to say goodbye

VOLDEMORT & SNAPE
`Cause now I've/he's  killed you oh Lilly, now I've/he's killed you, 
oh, Lilly

..

(HYPOTHETIC!VOLDEMORT prepares to kill the Hypothetic!Harry toddler. 
Black-out. Standing O from the TBAY crowd.)

   -	CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS 
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm 
(updated 1/1/03 with 47 new filks)