SHIP: The Four Loves: Why R/Hr is very much preferable to H/Hr

[Eileen]

No: HPFGUIDX 50193

Weve been having a very interesting discussion on the
OTC about the romantic paradigm, or couplethinking.
For those who dont buy the criticisms voiced on the
OTC of couplethinking, this post is not likely to make
much sense. In that case, you might want to add your
voice to the OTC discussion. If you do harbour
grievances against couplethinking, though, this post
aims to show that R/Hr is very much preferable to
H/Hr, as the dynamics of that particular relationship
are much more reflective of the realities we would
like to seem emphasized in place of the romantic
paradigm.

The story begins with Elkins mentioning in passing
that she hated shipping. She was asked to elaborate,
and wrote a trenchant critique of what she termed
couplethinking. In it, she talked about a romantic
paradigm in our culture, in which the most important
goal is held to be becoming a couple. That struck a
note with many listies, especially those of us who are
not in the least currently interested in finding a
boyfriend, husband, what have you. Many examples were
thrown  outab of the cultural obsession with
couplethinking: the belief that you cant be fulfilled
outside of a sexual relationship, the term
significant other  meaning that non-sexual
relationships arent significant?, the phrase just
friends. Many of us agreed that the idea of
friendship as one of the four loves is under attack
today. 

Reading and participating in the discussion, I began
to realize that one of the reasons I love the HP
series is that friendship is very much one of the four
loves here. In fact, so far, philos (friendship) and
storge (affection) are the important loves of the
Potterverse. People have sacrificed their lives for
both.  As Cindy pointed out recently, eros (sexual
love) has yet to make a major thematic appearance and
are there any hints of agape (charity) as a major
theme? Perhaps by Book Seven, but right now, not
really. 

But where there is not eros, someone will supply it. I
blame the romantic paradigm for the fact that people
have been shipping the trio since Book I. The most
nauseating couplethinking is undertaken by nine year
olds in the movie theatre who all go Awwww when
Harry looks at Hermione, or Ron looks at Hermione. 

Im not pointing fingers here. As many of you know, I
am a very rabid shipper. Why else am I here defending
R/Hr? I just cant help but ship, no matter what they
say about shipping. I think Ron and Hermione could
live very happily together, and thats that. Or is it?
Leaving the appropriateness of Ron and Hermione for
each other aside, I think that R/Hr is also much
better suited to the subversion of the romantic
paradigm. 

Elkins has stated that she was disappointed to see any
hint of eros entering the philos of the trios
relationship. I was slightly startled and worried
myself, at first, but I soon grew to very much like
R/Hr and to root for it. And one of the reasons I like
it so much is that it leaves the philos of Harry and
Hermiones relationship completely untouched. You see,
Harrys relationship with Hermione is to the reader
much more important than Rons relationship with
Hermione. In the end, as much as we like to talk about
Avery, Snape, and Crouch, its all about Harry. What
JKR would do by choosing R/Hr over H/Hr is giving
primacy to the philos relationship over the eros
relationship. Ron and Hermione will always be of
paramount importance to Harry. He loves them both, and
they love him, and that love is entirely untouched by
eros. 

However, if H/Hr was to take place, the most important
element of Harry and Hermiones relationship  would be
seen as eros. There would be the friendship between
Ron and Harry, hopefully, though not surprisingly,
many scenarios would put a severe strain on that
friendship, but wed have lost the complete primacy of
philos within the trios relationship. 

Eros between Ron and Hermione is a good thing, I
think, simply because eros is important, however
damaging couplethinking is, and Im quite happy to see
them a couple, as long as they dont cut themselves
off from Harry (and everyone else) as a result of it.
I dont see JKR doing this. So, R/Hr can stand as an
example of eross compatibility with philos within a
larger group. Possibly, H/Hr could as well, but, as
Ive pointed out, in the H/Hr situation, eros would
not at all be subordinate to philos, even if
compatible with it.

Again, if you frankly dont care about this, if the
idea of eros being of the same importance as philos
within the trio does not appall you, pay this no
attention, but consider this an explanation of the
deep down reasons that Im R/Hr rather than H/Hr.

Eileen

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