The Skrewt May Scratch (filk)

[Caius Marcius <coriolan_cmc@hotmail.com>]

No: HPFGUIDX 50279

We haven't had a G & S filk for a while, so......

The Skrewt May Scratch (GoF, Chap 14)

To the tune of When Our Gallant Norman Foes from Gilbert and 
Sullivan's The Yeoman of the Guard

Dedicated to Ginger (hope you like G & S!)

Text and MIDI can be found at:

http://math.boisestate.edu/gas/yeomen/web_opera/yeomen_03.html

THE SCENE: Gryffindor Common Room. HARRY & RON are struggling through 
Divination homework. Crookshanks observes from the background

HARRY
When the galling Trelawney
Doles out homework sans mercy
Through each page we must then spend the evening slogging

Our clairvoyance is scrawny
And it turns out much worse, see,
When decrees she gives to start Futures Unfogging

RON
Insanity, indeed
But if we're to graduate
We must now invent some plausible predictions

Sums and symbols can't succeed
We just cannot calculate
So we must devise for us ingenious fictions

(RON & HARRY simultaneously take up their quills and begin writing)

BOTH
"The skrewt may scratch and then it may burn
And we may need a funeral urn
A coughing fit and a losing fight
Will show to all our dismal plight

"Venus will conjoin Saturn and Mars
Inside a house with numerous stars
We are betrayed by an evil force
Than would kill us and makes us hoarse"

HARRY (putting his quill down)
Oh, our Inner Eye can't see
As its two pupils grow blind
For this topic is beyond our comprehension

It's no time to get fancy
We must not be left behind
For necessity's the mother of invention

RON
Though our methods may be flawed
What our audience demands 
Is narrative of gloomy desolation

Sibyll's certain to applaud
If we prove we can't withstand
The impact of celestial mutations

(RON & HARRY again take up their quills and begin writing)

BOTH
"The skrewt may scratch and then it may burn
And we will need a funeral urn
A coughing fit and a losing bet
Will show to all our dismal threat

"Saturn will conjoin Pluto and Mars
And woe to boys who have forehead scars!
They'll be deceived by a vile force
That will not show too much remorse"

(Crookshanks walks away in disgust)

    -	CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS
 http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm
(next update: 01.26.03)