FILK: Hermione's a bitch!

[marilyn at gehennom.net]

No: HPFGUIDX 67251

This is not by me, but a friend of mine.  I thought it was hilarious, so
hopefully you guys will enjoy it as well.  :)

Witch
(original lyrics by Kit FitzSimons)
<to the tune of Meredith Brooks' "Bitch">

It's such a lovely day.
Call me mudblood and I'll kick you in the face.
Tried to tell those numbskulls
*This* important plot point:
...No one's listening to me.
<sigh>
Boys will be boys.

(When) I was petrified
You must've been relieved to get words in edgewise.
I know I talk a lot, but that won't do no harm.
No need for alarm:
I've cast a spell upon you and I've
Got nothing but charm!

I'm a witch!
I'm a muggle!
A main role
In the struggle
'Gainst the evil Voldemort!
I'm quick with my retorts!
I'm a girl
With a wand
Reciting 'Walden Pond'!
You know you *should* pronounce my name Her-my-oh-*knee*!

Well, 'scuse me Ronnie dear?
You say I should go and stick it in my ear?
Rest assured when all our seven years are over
And you slackers have been culled.
I will still be here:
I'm the next McGonagall!

I'm a witch!
I'm a muggle!
A main role
In the struggle
That's a epic in itself;
The books take up five shelves!
I'm a girl
With a dream:
Get on the Quidditch team;
Because they say it's E.qual Op.por.tu.ni.ty!

Of all of my
Extracur-
-riculars,
My faaav'rite's 'Sitting There Scowling'.
When not in school,
That's *all* that I do...
Gee, thanks, J.K. Rooooooowling!

I'm a witch!
I'm a muggle!
A main role
In the struggle
That's so huge that--I'll be damned!--
We never take exams!
I'm a girl
--Fancy that!--
Guess what? My pet's a cat!
You know, I should be getting more of the acclaim!

The sixth book,
It should be:
"Harry and Her.mi.o.ne".
'Cause Ron's just
Extra baggage;
I'm the brains and I'm the magics!
I'm so brave! I'm so kind!
They love me for my mind!
You know, I wouldn't want it any other way!

<owl chorus sings:>
(Who-oo-oo, whoo-oo-oo)
(Who-oo-oo, whoo-oo-oo)
(Who-oo-oo, whoo-oo-oo)
(Who-oo-oo, whoo-oo-oo)


-- 
http://marilyn.suburbanjihad.net/
	"Give her hell for us, Peeves."
 And Peeves, who Harry had never seen take an order from a student before,
      swept his belled hat and sprang to a salute as Fred and George wheeled 
	     about to tumultuous applause and sped out of the open front doors
	                                             into the glorious sunset.