OoP FILK: Voldy, Baby (Notes towards a V/B SHIP?) Spoilers

[Kirstini]

No: HPFGUIDX 67566

This one is dedicated to those listies who were tentatively 
suggesting the possibility of a Voldemort/Bellatrix ship, on the 
basis that her husband is rather a faceless, generic DE, and 
Voldemort tends to address her as "Bella"

Voldy, Baby
To the tune of "Santa Baby", originally sung by Eartha Kitt and 
covered by Madonna, lyrics here: 
http://www.cs.rpi.edu/~kennyz/madonna_lyrics/_santa_baby.html

Scene: the foyer of the Ministry of Magic, as seen in OoP, Chapter 
36 (The Only One He Ever Feared).
 
VOLDEMORT (Spoken): I see the truth looking at me from within his 
worthless mind...months of preparation, months of effort...and my 
Death Eaters have let Harry Potter thwart me again

BELLATRIX: Master, I am sorry, I knew not, I was fighting the 
Animagus Black!
VOLDEMORT: Be quiet Bella. I shall deal with you in a moment. Do you 
think I have entered the Ministry of Magic to hear your snivelling 
apologies?

  - There is a flash of light, and Bella reappears on top of a 
spotlit pedestal in the Fountain of Magical Brethren, her DE robes 
having given way to a low-cut, sparkly evening gown(this is possibly 
rather grotesque)- 
  
BELLATRIX (sung, in her little baby voice):
But
.
Voldy, baby, I slipped a Crucio on Harry, 

VOLDEMORT:
For me?

BELLATRIX:
 (Uhhuh) I've been an awful bad girl
Voldy, baby, `cause that is what you like `bout me, right?

Voldy, baby, you know that I have always been true to you:
I've just bumped off my coz,
Voldy, baby, just got somewhat distracted in the fight

Think of all the years I've missed
Think of all the times that I could've been Kissed
Haven't I deserved a little clemency -
I was practically the first Death Eater to enlist!
Boo doo bee doo
 
Voldy, honey, I've one weak spot and that's really not a lot
I'm just a little insane
So, Voldy, baby, refrain - don't punish Bella tonight.

Voldy, cutie, the other DE's wouldn't let me bleed the kid (1) -
I *alone* caused him pain,
Voldy, cutie, I really should be blame-free tonight.

Voldy, baby, the situation's kinda complex – Don't hex!
You're so sexy when mad...
Voldy, baby, we've only just begun to reunite... 

Come and give little Bellatrix (2) 
The hope that one day she will be Lady V.
Remember, it was *me* who tried to find you - 
And I'm really, really sorry `bout the prophecy!
Boo doo bee doo

Voldy, baby, forgot to mention one little thing – get going!
We should make for the phone,
Voldy, baby, `cause Dumbledore is downstairs tonight!

I think it's time for us to take flight (yep, yep, yep)
So hurry outta this place tonight!

***
"Voldemort paid no attention..." (isn't there an Evil Overlord rule 
about ignoring your trusted lieutenant somewhere?)


Kirstini
1) - This really does rhyme. If you employ a thick German accent.
2) - I've decided that "Bellatrix" is pronounced to rhyme 
with "Grand Prix", and I won't be argued with on the matter.