Filk: Who Will Buy?

[Haggridd]

No: HPFGUIDX 67766

The following is a filk of the song "Who Will Buy?"  from the Lionel 
Bart musical "Oliver!".

Asterisks indicate italicized words.  Please use italics in the final 
uploaded version.

This filk is dedicated to Gail Bohacek, who cured me of a severe case 
of Filkers' Block.


                       WHO WILL BUY? 

SCENE:  
Fred & George Weasley, entrepreurs extraordinaire, have
gone on an all-out advertising blitz to publicize their new Joke 
Shoppe, Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes, at Number 93, Diagon Alley.  
Singing full-page ads have been taken out in the *Daily Prophet* and 
the *Quibbler*, and they have appeared in every hearth connected to 
the Floo network to telemarket their new venture.

   
FRED:
Who will buy our Ton-Tongue Toffees?
Lots of laughs for a sickle.
Who will buy our Ton-Tongue Toffees?
Lots of laughs for a sickle.
   
GEORGE:
Will you buy Fever Fudge today, students?
Fever Fudge today, students? 
   
FRED:
Who will buy our Ton-Tongue Toffees?

  
GEORGE:
Fever Fudge today, students? 

FRED:
Lots of laughs for a sickle.
   
GEORGE:
Wildfire Whizz-bangs!
Wildfire Whizz-bangs! 

(THE NEXT FOUR PARTS ARE SUNG AT THE SAME TIME)
GEORGE:
Wildfire Whizz-bangs!

Fever Fudge today, students?

FRED:
Who will buy our Ton-Tongue Toffees?
 
LEE JORDAN:
Skive, skive off class!
Want to skive off class?
Skive, skive off class!
Want to skive off class?
Who will buy? 

 
GEORGE:
Who will buy? 

  
FRED:
Who will buy? 

  
LEE JORDAN:
Who will buy?
 

FRED & GEORGE:
Who will buy our Wizarding Wheezes?
Owl-orders shipping is free.

 
LEE JORDAN:
Who will buy our Ton-Tongue Toffees? 

 
FRED & GEORGE:
Or come down to Diagon Alley 
Our shoppe's at Number Ninety-Three.

  
LEE JORDAN
Wildfire Whizz-bangs!

FRED & GEORGE:
You ought to try Skiving Snackboxes,
When homework gets too strong,
And you would then be sly as foxes
Skip class the whole year long.
 
LEE JORDAN:
Fever Fudge today? 

  
FRED & GEORGE:
Made from only finest ingredients.
Venomous Tentacula seed. 

   
LEE JORDAN:
Skive, skive off class! 

Wildfire Whizz-bangs!

 
FRED & GEORGE:
Tested them on First-Years at Hogwarts
The orange end's for you
To turn your face quite blue
The purple end makes it recede.
 
   
LEE JORDAN:
Who will buy?
 
   
FRED:
Who will buy? 

  
GEORGE:
Who will buy? 

   
ALL:
Who will buy? 

Who will buy our Wildfire Whizz-Bangs?
Filibuster's Fireworks are through.
For the paltry sum of five Galleons
The Basic Blaze box is for you.
But if you care not for comportment
You should take our advice.
Deflagration Deluxe assortment
Is cheap at half the price! 

Who will buy our Wizarding Wheezes?
We supply Extendable Ears.
Souvenirs for those who would listen
To all those persons who
Would keep secrets from you
  
FRED & GEORGE:
There must be someone who will buy. 

 
LEE JORDAN:
Who will buy our Ton-Tongue Toffees?
Lots of laughs for a sickle. 
 

(Rumor has it that Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes is supplying special 
equipment to the Department of Mysteries for use by the Unspeakables.)

-Haggridd