TBAY - PEPPERMILL

[B Arrowsmith]

No: HPFGUIDX 69878

It was a quiet afternoon in the WHIPLASH establishment.

Droopy, the freed House Elf, was dusting testimonials. He gave an extra 
rub to one that read "You certainly showed us a new trick or two." 
Signed Gred and Forge.

In a corner, Kneasy, the general factotum, was engrossed in an S/F 
fantasy. "Did the villain get the girl?" he wondered.

On the hearthrug Crankshaft purred loudly as it carefully eviscerated 
an A.S.Byatt doll.

Madam W herself reclined on the chaise-longue, idly carving a couple 
more notches on her wand.

Suddenly, there was a thunderous knocking on the door.

"Get it, Droopy," instructed Madam W, "and if it's that Creevley creep 
wanting more intimate poses, the answer is a negative."

Droopy scuttled across the room, smoothing the front of his T-shirt 
which carried a slogan -  'Free the Hogwarts 500. OR ELSE.' Before he 
could reach it, the door swung open to reveal a red haired, 
be-spectacled character in immaculately pressed robes and carrying a 
clipboard. What appeared to be a Hogwarts Prefect's badge adorned his 
hat, the  letters slightly re-arranged to read 'PERFECT'.

"My name is Weasley. I am enpowered by the Ministry.."

"Just a minute," broke in Hermione, "don't you mean EMpowered?"

"No. The N is very  important.  It's the difference between PIE and 
PINE. Now, the Ministry is checking on all businesses to ensure that 
they are what they purport to be. Very important. Do you know that 
there are some GREY UNDERPANTS out there that are a cover-up for 
something much more unsavoury? Let  me see, you wreak havoc on young 
males, is that right?"

Madam smiled slowly, "It's Percy Weasley! How wonderful! I've been 
wanting to meet you for ages! Why,  only the other day, I was saying to 
your mother.."

"Do not mention my family! Until they accept the new reality of total 
subservience to the Ministry, I must disown them! We willl stick 
strictly to business."

"Strickness is good," agreed Hermione, "I'm all for it."

She flicked her wand. Ropes flew out and bound Percy hand and foot.

"Droopy, fetch the appliance." Her wand slowly extended and began to  
flex gently. There was a crashing and  banging from the kitchen, 
drowning out Percy's whimpering. Droopy re-appeared, bearing a tray. On 
it balanced a tall rounded object, vibrating slightly with suppressed 
power.

"Now, Percy. This is your past, present and future."

"What in Merlin's name is it?" gasped Percy.

"PEPPERMILL.
Percy Embraced Patronising Pomposity. Exacting Retribution May 
Inculcate Lasting Lesson.
Brace yourself."

Kneasy averted his eyes. Where would it all end?


( For those that skip posts, S/F explained in post 69509)