Magical Evil Spell (filk)

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 73022

Magical Evil Spell (OOP, Chap. 36)

To the tune of Paris Original, from the musical How to Succeed in 
Business Without Really Trying

Dedicated to Steve Vander Ark (who says he likes Showtune filks the 
best)

Sorry, no MIDI or mp3 that I could find!

Note: This is based on the 1995 revival (with Matthew Broderick), 
which is slightly different (especially at the ending) than the 1961 
original. And despite the rather bland subject matter of the original 
song, it contains an alarming number of references to killing and 
dying, all of which have been faithfully preserved

THE SCENE: With the death of Sirius, HARRY's rage against BELLATRIX 
leads him to risk a stiff sentence in Azkaban to avenge his 
godfather. 

HARRY: 
She sent Black down to his doom 
He's now Beyond the Veil.
A most disastrous catastrophe.
A curse far worse I'll now rehearse,
Though it's beyond the pale,
At she, at she, I'll target it at she

At you, Bella

.

This Unforgivable,
Magical Evil Spell,
I'm using tonight.
I'm using tonight.
Specially for her

BELLATRIX:
This Unforgivable,
Magical Evil Spell,
You'll pay for tonight.
You will be destroyed.
Specially by me.

(BELLATRIX abruptly flees the scene of the crime)

Suddenly see me go, sir,

HARRY (in full pursuit)
I'm going to Crucio her
And maim her all to
Hell through muscular spells

(HARRY hurls a CRUCIO at BELLA)

BELLATRIX:
You unknowing brat!

Your Unforgivable,
Magical Evil Spell,
It won't even stun
If it isn't fun
Vicious and grim
..and grim.

(During the instrumental bridge, HARRY & BELLATRIX engage in a duel 
of Brucknerian/Bruckheimer-esque proportions) 

That Dark Lord Prophecy
Will greatly profit me 
You've got it tonight.

I need it tonight!
Now give me it!

HARRY (laughing hysterically)
Your sought-for prophecy 
Did not land soft, you see 
It's shattered to bits 
Voldy will have fits.
Won't he just...

(LORD VOLDEMORT himself abruptly appears)

HARRY & BELLATRIX (simultaneously, but for different reasons):
Oh, no!

VOLDEMORT:
Forecast prophetically
Gets smashed pathetically

BELLATRIX (throwing herself at VOLDEMORT'S feet)
Forgiveness I crave!
Forever your slave!
Don't make me die!

VOLDEMORT (indicating HARRY) 
So let us kill him!

HARRY & BELLATRIX (fearfully & exultantly, respectively):
This could be it!

(Enter CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS)

VOLDEMORT:
Oh!
None of my lame Death Eaters
Have proven themselves world-beaters,
And Harry Potter once again wins a round.

CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS
He'll lose!

VOLDEMORT & CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS (wands raised, addressing HARRY)
This Unforgivable
Dark Evil Killing Spell,
My/His ultimate crime!
We're meeting tonight
For the very last time

(As VOLDEMORT fires the AK at HARRY, it is deflected aside by ALBUS 
DUMBLEDORE, who has suddenly Apparated upon the scene)

DUMBLEDORE (spoken):
Hello boys!
 and girls!

VOLDEMORT & CHORUS (slapping their simultaneous foreheads)
Wotta mess!

    -	CMC 

HARRY POTTER FILKS 
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm