TBAY: opening night at the WWF (better)

[Dan Feeney]

No: HPFGUIDX 73841

The interminable blue drone of the ocean! But something was 
different...

It was evening, and Darkthirty looked toward the hardly noticeable 
path leading into the woods at this farthest extremity of the bay, 
where he liked to take walks. "Everyone seems to be meeting canon 
characters these days. Wish I could run into one..." Even She Who 
Must Be Seen To Be Obeyed (all senses) was rumoured to have put in an 
appearance recently. "Course, how would I meet anyone way out here? 
Hardly anyone comes this far, except for that strange bird. Though, 
the bird being infrequently sighted, I should feel privileged..."

He started on the road to town, feeling a little embarrassed about 
his first interloping week here. "Jeez, when is a ship not a ship? 
When it's a piece of clothing, or something to wash clothing in..." 
but hadn't gotten a few paces before he noticed an odd thing. There 
seemed to be a big event happening - a steady stream of people were 
making their way toward a huge tent that had been erected near the 
edge of town. A bright, blinking sign was flashing "WWF" above the 
tent, and he could hear the roar of kitsch rock emanating from the 
tent even from this far away. The second strange thing was that there 
was a teenage girl, kind of odd looking, staring wide-eyed at the 
sea, just off the road, not 2 metres from where he was walking. 
Darkthirty gasped.

"Oh, goodness. You startled me. I didn't see you there."

The girl turned gently to look at him. Her eyes seemed very wide. 
There was something familiar about her. "Oh, lots of people don't 
notice me right away. But if they need me, they usually find me," 
said the girl dreamily.

"Uh, if you don't mind me asking, are you... uh..."

"Luna. Yes. I am she," Luna replied diaphanously. "Have you noticed 
the little sudsy patches on the bay? Someone's been rather careless 
with their detergent, I should think," she continued, serenely.

Darkthirty looked out over the bay and saw that, indeed, there were 
patches of white floating here and there between the ships. "Yes, I 
see that, now. You think others have noticed? Asked the culprit to 
clean up their act? I wonder who has done this? When is a ship not a 
ship?" and so on.

Placidly, Luna stared at Darkthirty, apparently not understanding a 
word of what he was saying.

"Anyway, Luna, are you going to that there WWF thingy?"

Wispishly, Luna looked toward town and then laughed 
unagitatedly. "Oh, that. No, I wanted to fight, but I think not 
tonight," she said, mellowly.

"You wanted to fight?"

"I haven't a worthy acronym," Luna sighed. "I haven't any acronym at 
all, in fact. Not that I really want one, mind," she commented, in 
her easy way. "I will get one, though, it seems inevitable," Luna 
calmly added, smiling.

It was Darkthirty's turn to stare confusedly.

"When I asked someone over there," she said smoothly, her arm 
driftingly indicating the tent, "I was told Canon with acronyms are 
invited to wrestle, along with Ship Captains or other 
representatives. Those of us without are," she continued, 
gaseously, "not. Only a person who lived in a closet wouldn't..." 
started Luna tranquilly.

"Wrestle?! Canon are wrestling!?"

"Mmm" hummed Luna, patiently.

This I gotta see, Darkthirty was thinking. "Well, Luna, I could make 
up an acronym for you. Really. I've got a theory too..."

Luna replied, nebulously, "oh, no, don't worry about it. I did come 
to watch, but in fact I rather like looking at the names on those 
ships out there right now. Why would someone hang GREY UNDERPANTS..." 
Luna asked, relaxedly.

"Another time, Luna, really. I will think about your predicament. 
But, for some reason, I feel like I need to get to that... uh... that 
wrestling thing. It's been really really nice talking to you."

Darkthirty had an idea. "Listen, why don't I just go over there, see 
how it goes, you could gather some information for me, on what you 
see. We can meet up another time and exchange information."

Luna was staring at him again, spacily.

"Okay, well, bye."

Feeling somewhat guilty for leaving her, Darkthirty sped off toward 
the huge tent. "Oh my goodness, this could be a hoot," he said to 
himself.

Most bay residents were there already. Stepping quickly to the side 
of the tent, which was practically vibrating to the pseudo-rebellious 
music blaring from loudspeakers outside, and apparently inside the 
tent, Darkthirty hid his BIC LIGHTER. "Won't need this tonight." He 
got into the queue, behind Cindy, who was carrying a placard that 
read "Snape is Right." 

"Excuse me... uh, Cindy, of Snape's patronus, right?"

"Yep. Who are you?"

"Uh, I'm.. Tennant! (~snicker~) Cindy, does your sign mean what I 
think it does. Do you mean 'Snape is Right' as in, like, an absolute? 
No matter what he does?"

"I like Snape's character completely, and will support him no matter 
which road he chooses to go on. Yes, that's what I said."

In front of Cindy was someone who looked like Darrin. He also had a 
sign, but it read, "Snape is Wrong." Darkthirty wondered if they'd 
been talking, when the line surged forward. A few people ahead, 
Darkthirty caught sight of... oh, no... Peppy Elf, disappearing into 
the tent... "Queen! A Queen song. Arrgh!" he muttered to himself.

He could now see the event information, right by the door. The top 
read - "Exclusive Engagement. One week only. Witchwizard Wrestling 
Federation presents TBAY Smackdown! See your favourite Canon, Captain 
or clothing designer battle it out for Witchwizard World Supremacy!"

Suddenly, the silly music stopped. Darkthirty was just starting to 
read the short list of the first night's events, "Rules" and ...

"Ladies and gentlemen!" the speakers burst into sound. He looked 
around. Cindy and Darrin were now entering the tent.

"Tonight, for the first time anywhere, the Witchwizard Wrestling 
Federation brings you..."

"Cindy and Darrin. What are they doing here?"

"Smackdown!" the speaker shouted.

Then it came clear. Yes! That was it! This event was created by the 
WWF to satisfy the same craving for meaningless partisanship 
represent by fans of the World Wrestling Federation! Of course. Just 
as some folks supported The Undertaker, no matter what he did, so 
others supported The Rock, or Stone Cold Steve Austin, no matter what 
they did.

Smiling to himself, Darkthirty, without another glance at the slate 
for opening night, strode into the big tent.