FILK: The Ballad Of Mrs. Norris

[Haggridd]

No: HPFGUIDX 59089

This filk is based on Tom Lehrer's "The Irish Ballad".

The last word of the filk, "Fin," is French, and the asterisks are 
there to show that it should be italicized.

This filk is dedicated to Caius Marcus, who inspired it with his call 
for filks to dramatize scenes from canon not yet the subject of any 
filk.  It deals, of course, with the events in CoS surrounding the 
petrification of Mrs. Norris.

                 The Ballad Of Mrs. Norris


About a cat I'll sing a song,
Sing Mrs. Norris is done in,
About a cat I'll sing a song
Who down the corridors prowled along
And found out students who did wrong,
To Argus Filch she turned them in, them in,
To Argus filch she turned them in.


One evening in a fit of pique,
Sing Mrs. Norris is done in,
One evening in a fit of pique,
They found poor Nearly-Headless Nick.
The Headless Hunt was a filthy clique,
Who wouldn't let Nicholas in, -las in,
Who wouldn't let Nicholas in.


He said that it was his Deathday,
Sing Mrs. Norris is done in,
He said that it was his Deathday,
And at his party they did stay.
But the rotting food drove them away
'Cause they didn't know where it had been, had been,
They didn't know where it had been.


They tried to get back to their Feast,
Sing Mrs. Norris is done in,
They tried to get back to their Feast,
Where everyone was not deceased,
Harry heard the words of the Beast,
Wanting to kill again, again,
Wanting to kill again.


They rushed so quickly up the stair,
Sing Mrs. Norris is done in,
They rushed so quickly up the stair,
And found these words when they got there,
"Enemies of the Heir, Beware!"
And the sight filled them all with chagrin, chagrin,
The sight filled them all with chagrin.


Thereunder hung the Caretaker's pet,
Sing Mrs. Norris is done in,
Thereunder hung the Caretaker's pet,
As stiff as a board could ever get.
Old Argus Filch, he was quite upset,
And wailed in a hideous din, -ous din,
Wailed in a hideous din.


And when the Headmaster came by,
Sing Mrs. Norris is done in,
And when the Headmaster came by,
He said Mrs. Norris did not die.
But was in a state of petrify,
And still had some life there within, within,
Still had some life there within.


They took her to Hospital Wing,
Sing Mrs. Norris is done in,
They took her to Hospital Wing,
Where Professor Sprout began to sing,
Said Mandrake Root was the very thing.
"It will cure her," she said with a grin, a grin,
And now, as the French would say, *"Fin."*

-Haggridd