Idealism,The Weasley Family and Pride

[Linda]

No: HPFGUIDX 59588

I've been deliberately staying away from the discussions about the 
Weasley family dynamics because many of the opinions have touched 
upon a sore point with me and I didn't want to start any fires. The 
discussions however, have reached a point where I feel the need to 
speak up, and since I feel I have had time to react intellectually 
to the issue rather than emotionally I think I can keep my comments 
from becoming inflationary.

 I am the mother of two; a boy of thirteen and a girl of ten. As a 
result I have quite a bit of empathy toward Molly. I can not even 
comprehend raising seven children and don't pretend to know what it 
is like, but I do feel for Molly and the situation she is in. There 
has been quite a bit of back and forth on the suitability of Molly 
as a role model and although many of the points raised are valid I 
think that because this is a piece of fiction the tendancy is to 
look for a role model who is perfect. I sincerly doubt that JKR was 
aiming for perfection in any of her characters. It has been accepted 
that Harry is not perfect, nor is Hermione, so why must perfection 
be demanded from the Weasley family? (I realize that many of my 
fellow list members have not demanded this and I have no wish to 
offend.) Once HHR go back to school, we have no canon regarding 
Molly's feeling about the famous robe incident. I'm sure she went 
over the event several times in her mind, asking herself how she 
could have handled it differantly. I, certainly, have lost my temper 
with my kids and regreted it after the fact. There is no canon 
either way whether Molly tried to rectify the blowout with Ron via 
owl post, in fact as a mother I see it as highly probable. I also 
think (based on my thirteen year old son) that Ron would have been 
just as embarressed by the public argument as his mother was and 
told her "not to worry about it " in response. He might have even 
gone so far as to tell her he would take care of the issue leaving 
no choice but for her to drop the subject. IMO, he would not have 
told Harry about this exchange because it would just heighten the 
level of embarassment. Also IMO, his fourteen year old pride would 
not allow him to seek the help that he told his mother he would. It 
would then follow that what frustrates Ron is not the actual state 
of his robes but his inability to put his pride aside. 

    That brings us back to the issue of Ron's refusal to accept help-
 especially financially. I see this as an extension of Molly's (and 
Arthur's as well) pride in providing for her family the best she can 
on their own without compromising their beliefs. This is easy for me 
to accept as well. At the beginning of my marriage I was five months 
pregnant when my husband lost his job. As a matter of necessity we 
went on public assistance and even then we did not have enough to 
live on. Both my parents and my husbands parents bought us baby 
formula and diapers. The waiting list for housing assistance was so 
long as to useless, and the check we receiverd from the state was 
not even enough to cover the rent and utilities. There is nothing in 
my experiance that can make one feel so helpless as having to depend 
upon others for everything. The Weasleys as we see them in the books 
are self sufficient and like Molly's parenting issues I have a lot 
of empathy for how important that is to them. Twelve years and 
another child later my husband and I own our own home and are able 
to provide a few extras for our children and there is a large amout 
of pride involved just in being self sufficient. Somtimes, when you 
don't have a lot, pride is all you have left and it must pain Molly 
every day that she can not give her children all she wishes she 
could. Ron's reminding her of that fact, especially in front of 
Harry, was a blow below the belt, and at fourteen he is old enough 
to know it. I'm sure he regreted his outburst as nuch as she 
regreted hers.

I have to wonder if the time JKR spent on public assistance has 
colored  her portrayal of the dynamics of the Weasley family. If I 
had her talent for writing, and was in her shoes, it would certainly 
color mine.

In conclusion, I feel that because the Weasleys are the "good guy 
family" we try to create in them the ideal family. That is patently 
unrealistic and not IMO, not JKR's intent. Her writing has a basis 
in realism and that kind of idealism just doesn't fit her style or 
service the story she is telling.

Just MHO.

 -Linda, who apologizes for somewhat disjointed nature and long 
windedness of this post.