TBAY/OoP: Ashes to Ashes

[Cindy C.]

No: HPFGUIDX 64923

Never before had the little town of Theory Bay seen such chaos, such 
destruction, such carnage.  The seemingly endless Hurricane Jo had 
done far more damage than even the most pessimistic townspeople had 
predicted.  Many of the theorists chose to ride out the worst of it 
huddled on their various ships, most of which survived without 
incident.  

The town itself had not been quite so lucky.  

George's Tavern had survived, large chunks of its shabby roof missing 
but sporting a cheerful sign announcing its scheduled reopening that 
evening.  A crowd of gawkers and souvenier hunters gathered around 
the library of Canon College where a massive yew tree had fallen, 
water gushing inside to soak the only records of vintage theories 
like LOLLIPOPS.  Filthy yellow flags littered the parking lot of the 
Canon Museum, where a sullen guard stood watch until power could be 
restored.

Worse -- far worse -- was the rampant looting.  Pirates skulked off 
with the few remaining theories that might be worth something on the 
burgeoning fanfic market, hiding them under their shirts or in their 
grimy knapsacks.  Even Prank joined in the lawlessness, cavorting 
about with a splintered oar marked "Toadkeeper" clenched between his 
massive jaws.

It seemed only fitting that the town's one funeral home would weather 
the storm without so much as a broken window.  Cindy, sullen in her 
darkest dress uniform, stood on the sagging wooden steps of "Theory 
Bay Funeral Home and Crematorium (For 'When Faith Has Failed You')," 
watching the townspeople file in to pay their final respects to the 
theories that could not withstand the deluge.  She lifted her 
sunglasses momentarily and scanned the bulletin board on the white 
clapboard wall next to the front door:

Memory Charm Neville Theories – Requiem Room 3
Florence Theories – Bereavement Suite 6
ESE Theories – Mass Grave Section 16

"Watch where you're going, would you!"  Karkaroff elbowed Cindy 
aside, shot her a triumphant look, and followed the arrows 
toward "Ambush Scenarios."  Cindy sighed heavily and crept quietly 
into the largest room, where the few bits of conversation were 
quickly snuffed with an irritated "Shhhh!"  Eileen was there, her 
face veiled, speaking in hushed tones in Avery's left ear.  Dicentra 
had chosen the far corner with Stoned!Harry, plumping a pillow under 
his remaining leg, sporting a black armband embroidered with a 
scarlet "S."  Faith was perched on the edge of a straightbacked chair 
and seemed to be suppressing a thin smile.  Cindy's lip curled as she 
eased herself into the only remaining chair -- next to Faith.

George, resplendent in iridescent white robes, glided from a doorway 
to the left of the podium.  He paused briefly to gaze down into the 
pine box that held the dearly departed, shaking his head slowly, 
before moving to the lectern.  He paused, ran one slender hand 
through his silken auburn locks, and cleared his throat for silence.  

"Dearly Beloved . . . " George began, his waxy knuckles white from 
his powerful grip on the lectern.  "We have gathered here today to 
mourn the passing of one of the most well-known theories in Theory 
Bay.  This theory, a testament to the spirit of goodwill in our 
community, died an unexpected and hideous death witnessed by 
millions.  'Percy.  Is.  Not.  Evil,' nicknamed P.I.N.E., had its 
humble roots in Inish Alley, but it grew to amass a cult following of 
loyal believers who challenged anyone to prove that Percy was in fact 
evil.  

"Alas, P.I.N.E. never stood a chance when Hurricane Jo arrived.  The 
death certificate establishes the cause of death as 'Blunt Force 
Trauma,' due to taking one hell of a beating in OoP.  Please, open 
your canon to 'Number 12 Grimmauld Place.'"  

The assembled crowd stirred, pulling tear-stained copies of OoP from 
their pockets and purses.  Those without copies glanced sidelong at 
their neighbors, hoping to steal a glance and follow along.

George paused, waited for the murmuring and rustling to die down, and 
continued in a heavy voice.  "'Dad reckons Fudge only wants Percy in 
his office because he wants to use him to spy on the family – and 
Dumbledore.'  And there's *more!*"  George cried, pounding the 
lecturn.  "Calling his father an idiot!  Slamming the door in his 
dear mother's face!  Saying is father would go down with Dumbledore!  
And worst of all, calling his parents '*TRAITORS*'  Oh, the 
disloyalty!  The blind, ruthless ambition!  It was hard to watch, 
folks, even for a seasoned theorist such as myself.  Such a tragedy!  
Such a waste of one so young, with so much promise!"

George mopped his brow as a chorus of sniffles rose from the 
crowd.  "No, we must accept it for in the end we have no other 
choice.  Percy.  *Is.*  Evil.  But we must not grieve.  It is better 
this way.  Percy is now a threat to the Order.  He must be regarded 
with great suspicion in the next books.  He breaks the pattern of 
having each Weasley being just a little too good, a little too able 
to resist temptation."  George leaned over the lectern and lowered 
his voice to a scornful whisper.  "At least now we know what Percy is 
made of, don't we?  And if we are lucky, one of his siblings might be 
faced with the horrible, painful task of assassinating Evil!Percy for 
the good of the Wizarding World!" 

"Nooooooooooo!"  Eileen had managed to find her feet, pulling her 
sleeve from Avery's grasp, wailing piteously.  "There's still hope 
for Percy!  He . . . " she faltered, seeming unable even to convince 
herself.  "H-he might be *redeemed!*  Just like Crouch Sr.!  It could 
happen, you know.  I know it could!  I *believe* in redemption!  I 
*BELIEVE!*" she howled.  She burst into tears and threw herself into 
Avery's arms, her shoulders heaving.  He supported her gingerly and 
led her from the room, her shrieks bouncing off the stone tiles in 
the hallway.

"All right," George said briskly, closing OoP with a snap.  "Our work 
here is finished.  But there is always hope, brothers and sisters, 
there is always hope.  P.I.N.E. exists no more, and we must accept 
it.  But now we have something better:  'P.I.E. -– Percy.  Is.  
Evil.  After all, that's the way Percy would have wanted it."

******************************************

Cindy