There's Always a Slyth’rin (filk)

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 53524

We have dozens of Harry & Voldemort duets, but AFAIK no duets for 
Harry & Draco. Here's an attempt to rectify this shortage

There's Always a Slyth'rin

To the tune of There's Always a Woman, a Sondheim song written
for 
Anyone Can Whistle (but not included in the show). It can be found on 
any of several Sondheim compilations (it's sung very fast, in a waltz 
tempo, with several interludes of spoken verbal ping=pong)

Dedicated to Anne U.

NO MIDI or sound files, but the "enchantingly nasty" original
lyrics 
may be found here:

http://libretto.musicals.ru/text.php?textid=19&language=1


THE SCENE: The Great Hall. Enter HARRY 

HARRY:
There's always a Slyth'rin
Inducing destruction,
The pus in your mail
The smear in the press
There's always a Slyth'rin
Producing obstruction.
There's nothing as low as a Slyth'rin.
Let me stress

(Enter from the opposite direction, DRACO, approaching HARRY with 
insincere and exaggerated politeness) 

DRACO:
Join you?		.

HARRY:
No way!

DRACO:
How narrow.

HARRY:
OK.

DRACO:
My turn?

HARRY:
Yours.

DRACO:
There's always a Slyth'rin,
The vaulting ambition.
The one who soars higher 
Who masters each goal
The cauldron they can't melt,
Prestige and position!
There's nothing that glows as a Slyth'rin.
We control!

HARRY:
That it?

DRACO:
Sure.

HARRY:
Leaving?

DRACO:
Why not?

HARRY:
Ta-ta.

(DRACO makes as if to leave, then returns to HARRY's side)

DRACO:
I lied.

BOTH:
It's always a Slyth'rin,
Toward darkness inclined,

HARRY:
The troll in the toilet,

DRACO:
The planets aligned!

BOTH:
The cobbing in Qudditch
The feigned injury.
There's nothing as low/that glows as a Slyth'rin...
(each turning to the other) I agree.

HARRY:
Git!

DRACO:
Wuss!

HARRY:
Dope!

DRACO:
Trash!

HARRY:
The ferret who's fleeing
The snake in the chamber
The "Potter Stinks" badges
The muscly thugs
It's always a Slyth'rin.
Robed up like Dementors
There's nothing as low as a Slyth'rin.
Or as smug

DRACO:
Dormiens?

HARRY:
Draco

DRACO:
Longhorn?

HARRY:
Horntail?

DRACO:
Short-Snout?

HARRY:
Fireball?

DRACO:
Welsh Green?

HARRY:
Heb Black?

DRACO:
Ridgeback?

HARRY:
Viper
.?

DRACO:

tooth?

HARRY:
Opaleye? 

DRACO:
Titillandus
.

HARRY:
Nunquam 

DRACO:
There's always a Slyth'rin,
With rules we all fiddle
Our lineage perfect,
Our heritage pure.
We reject the Mudblood
Unless he's a Riddle.
Whoever he is, he's a Slyth'rin.
That's for sure!

HARRY:
You'd
..

DRACO:
....Know Who
..

BOTH:
It's always a Slyth'rin,

HARRY:
The jerk on the train

DRACO:
The fanfic redemption

HARRY:
The house-elf in chains

BOTH:
A Machiavelli
Who's tacky/natty as hell.
There's nothing as low/that glows as a Slyth'rin.
Name your spell!

DRACO:
Disarming

HARRY:
Charming 

DRACO:
Confusing

HARRY:
Stunning.

DRACO:
Freezing

HARRY:
Hurling

BOTH:
Extinguishing

HARRY & DRACO (Alternately):
Incendio's perfect-
Diffindo is perfect-
Let's set him on fire
Just see him perspire
Or just use a Bludger
I could loose a Bludger
Or Canary Creams.
What would Salazar scheme,
A charm that would tickle-
A curse does the trick well-
It'd be worth a wheeze.
I know two or three.
This moron's deficient-
My wand is sufficient
He won't hang around.
Right flat to the ground.
Whatever will do it,
Whatever will do it,
If any spell will.
If any spell will.

BOTH:
There's nothing as low/that glows as a Slyth'rin.

DRACO:
Sneak.

HARRY:
Snake

DRACO:
Shrake.

HARRY:
Fake 

DRACO:
Dork. 

HARRY:
Crook.

DRACO:
Elf.

HARRY:
Wimp 

DRACO:
Squib.

HARRY:
Cheat

DRACO:
Nerd.

HARRY:
Blonde 

(HARRY & DRACO quickly pull out their wands.)

BOTH:
Puh-leeez!
Flick to kill!

(Black-out)

   -	CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm