Take This Eye and Shut It (filk)

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 53615

Take This Eye and Shut It (PoA, Chap. 15)

To the tune of Take This Job and Shove It by Johnny Paycheck

Dedicated to Lilac 

THE SCENE: Divination Class. A stressed-out HERMIONE has finally had 
enough of TRELAWNEY'S pretensions and stages a noisy walk-out

HERMIONE
Take this Eye and shut it,
I ain't learnin' nothing here.
You're just an old fraud,
An' you're wastin' my time actin' like a seer 
Your tea leaves had better leave me alone
As I'm a walkin' off your course. 
Take this Eye and shut it, 
Divination, it's divorce.

TRELAWNEY
I've been Seein' with this faculty,
Gazing on the arcane 
All this time, I've seen no student,
With a mind that's more mundane. 
An' I've seen a lot of omens of flame
Read palms along the way
Knew one of us'd be leavin' for good,
And we would all hear her say:

HERMIONE & TRELAWNEY 
"Take this Eye and shut it,
I/You ain't learnin' nothing here.
You're/I'm just/not an old fraud,
An' you're  wastin' my  time actin' like a seer/learnin' arts of seers
Your/My tea leaves had better/are gonna leave me/you alone
As I'm/you're a walkin' off your/my course. 
Take this Eye and shut it, 
Divination, it's divorce."

(Exit HERMIONE, as RON and HARRY regard her with renewed admiration 
and respect.) 

RON & HARRY
Well, that Sibyll, she's a-spyin' Grim dogs
Each day we come to school.
She's a flamin' flat-out fruitcake
Down to her smallest jewel
Hermione has really blown her top
Told Sibyll to "make her day"
As when Herm's slapping Malfoy faces, 
Wish we'd the Crystal Balls to say:

"Take this Eye and shut it,
I ain't learnin' nothing here.
You're just an old fraud,
An' you're wastin' my time actin' like a seer 
Your tea leaves had better leave me alone
As I'm a walkin' off your course. 
Take this Eye and shut it, 
Divination, it's divorce."

    -	CMC (hey, they can't all be Sondheim)

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