How're We Gonna Make Him Stay in the School? (filk)

[Haggridd]

No: HPFGUIDX 53775

This is a filk of that WW I-era song "How Ya Gonna Keep 'Em Down on 
the Farm" by Donaldson and Al Lewis.

This filk is dedicated to Amy Z. (lupinesque), in fond hope that, 
finally, she will recognize the melody to one of my filks.

      How're We Gonna Make Him Stay in the School?

Scene:  (The Leaky Cauldron.  Harry is trying to   
        persuade Cornelius Fudge, the Minister of 
        Magic, to sign his permission slip to visit 
        the Wizarding village of Hogsmeade during
        his third year at Hogwarts school of 
        Witchcraft and Wizardry.  Fudge then confers 
        in private with Arthur Weasley, who in turn 
        tries in his own way to dissuade Harry.   
        Later, Ron Weasley is amazed at how 
        unreasonable the grown-ups are acting.)


Harry:  Mr. Minister, I've been thinking
        How you could let me go.
        There is a function you could perform,
        Just sign this little permission form.

        Mr. Minister, won't you help me,
        And your consent bestow?
        My aunt and uncle are just Muggles
        About such things, they don't know.


Fudge:  How're we gonna make him stay at the school,
        If he still wants to go?
        How're we gonna keep him away from Hogsmeade?
        The risk is severe;
        He could disappear.
        How're we gonna keep him away from Black?
        That's a mystery.
        Dementors walk the streets from dusk till dawn,
        Yet one false move and Harry could be gone.
        How're we gonna make him stay at the school
        After he's seen Hogsmeade?


Arthur: Harry, Harry, please see reason.
        You must do nothing rash.
        Whatever rumors that you may hear,
        You must ignore-- do I make myself clear?
        
        Harry, Harry, please do listen.
        There'll always be next year.
        To blow up your Aunt Marge is trivial,
        Leaving school grounds is severe.


Ron:    How're they gonna make you stay at the school,
        That's what I want to know?
        How're they gonna keep you away from Zonko's,
        Jokin' around in old Hogsmeade town.
        How're you gonna stay out of Honeydukes,
        Sweet-Shoppe of renown?
        Three Broomsticks (not Hogshead) is one fine inn;
        The butterbeer they serve will do you in.
        How're they gonna make you stay at the school
        After you've seen Hogsmeade?

(Later in the term, Fred & George Weasley pass on to Harry the 
Maurader's Map, which ultimately gives rise to divers and sundry 
alarums and excursions in the night.)

Haggridd