FILK: Barty Crouch

[charisjulia]

No: HPFGUIDX 54472

Ok. . . 

This is really just supposed to be a plain FILK post, but (and the 
Mods will please forgive the off—topicness) I thought I'd take the 
opportunity and add something I've been meaning to say for some time 
now.


Last September I moved country and one of the few unfortunate 
consequences of this was that my access to the internet was 
considerably reduced. I knew this was going to happen and I'd been 
planning to send a goodbye post to the OT-Chatter announcing my 
departure. I'd even come up with the title: "So Long And Thanks For 
All The (To Be Specific) Carps". But then I decided that I wouldn't 
do that. "But I don't *want * to quit HPFGU!" I whined to myself. "I 
really, *really * don't want to. And I shan't! So there!" 
Unfortunately however things didn't prove quite so easy in practice, 
and though I `ve been diligently lurking I haven't made a real 
appearance on the list for ages (besides very briefly in the autumn).


So let me now say that which I wanted to say months ago: this group 
is *great *. Really, * really* great. It's introduced me to new ways 
of approaching not only HP, but literature (or fiction, 
whatever. . .) in general and has provided incredible stimuli for the 
imagination. And, well, it would be ok if I kind of still popped by 
once in a while, wouldn't it? When the mood takes me and the 
University PC—rooms are open, that is? I mean, I don't know how very 
often that would be, but, you see, I * do* so miss Theory Bay.

--Charis Julia, offering her very first FILK as proof of just how 
inspiring she does find HPFGU. 




BARTY CROUCH
To the tune of "Rasputin" by Boney M

(Note: a good part of this filk is based on exchanges between Elkins 
and Eileen back in December in the general context of the Crouch 
Trilogy Squared –- link to the first post here: 

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPforGrownups/message/47927

It is therefore dedicated to them both.
And a suggestion: Try to imagine it with Cindy in the background 
going "Hey hey hey hey. . ." in a hollow chant. It really adds a 
certain something.)


There worked a certain man for the MM long ago,
He was stiff, uptight, he did not look like a scarecrow.
Elkins considered him the epitome of Bad,
But CRABCUSTARD held that this guy was really rad.
He despised the DEs and their leader,
Dark Arts he could not abide,
But it takes a sympathetic reader
To see past near filicide.


Eileen:
BAR BAR BARTY CROUCH
I claim he is Dead Sexy!
And this CRABCUSTARD tastes really good.

Elkins:
BAR BAR BARTY CROUCH
Bulging eyes make him ugly,
And I won't touch that, are we understood?


He ruled the Ministry and never mind trial rights
For on the top job it was he had set his sights
But when Voldemort did fall, his hopes did not come true,
At the Bagman trial the crowd did begin to boo.
For Eileen he was a Tragic Hero,
Though she's read the things he's done,
But for Elkins he was more like Nero,
She prefers his son.


BAR BAR BARTY CROUCH
On young House Elves he was keen
He'd one at home (his wife she was dead)
BAR BAR BARTY CROUCH
Winky cared for his hygiene
And who knows what she did in his bed.


Spoken:
So when his ruthlessness and arbitrariness and his irregular hours
Became known to more and more people
The demands to allocate to this outrageous man the supervision of an 
important ministerial department 
Became louder and louder


"Very disappointing" pronounced Junior Crouch
And he sat and watched as Voldie made his Dad go "Ouch!"
Imperius I'd say was applied with real spite,
It took Crouch some months 'gainst it to begin to fight.
Then one night for Albus he came running
Acting really most deranged,
But Fake!Moody with a spot of stunning
His death soon arranged


BAR BAR BARTY CROUCH
Now in wizard hell he'll roast
"Sic Semper Tyrannis" as old writers said
BAR BAR BARTY CROUCH
Though he could come back as a ghost
Don't know 'bout Sexy, he's certainly Dead

Oh, that Barty. . . 



--Charis Julia