TBAY: Humpty-Dumptying the Bangs (or not)

[abigailnus]

No: HPFGUIDX 54612


Note: Some of Derannimer's comments in this post are quoted or derived from a private e-mail.

Derannimer drags a by-now rather flushed Abigail into a reasonably private corner of the Royal George.  She looks mildly flustered.

"You keep saying that word!"  She hisses.  "I do not think it means what you think it means!"

"What word?"  Abigail asks, confused.

"Well, a phrase actually.  Humpty-Dumptying the Bangs!  It doesn't mean excessive Banging."  Derannimer sighs.  "The term started at some point during the Great MATCHING ARMCHAIR Neville Debate, between Elkins and Cindy.  Elkins said that 
MATCHING ARMCHAIR didn't Bang, whereupon Cindy said something like:

'I've been Banging since before you were *born!* I am the *Queen* of 
Banging! It Bangs if I *say* it Bangs!'

Whereupon Elkins accused her of Humpty-Dumptying the Bangs, which is 
a reference to Alice in Wonderland where Humpty Dumpty is using all these words 
inacurately, and Alice mentions his. . . odd use of the language, and he replies:

'Words mean what I want them to mean.'

So all "Humpty-Dumptying the Bangs" meant--it was just a throwaway 
line, really--was "Captain Cindy taking it upon herself to be the 
sole arbiter of Bang-worthiness."

Abigail stares at Derannimer silently for a few minutes, as two spots of color bloom on her cheeks.

"Oh."  She says finally.  "How embarassing."

"I can't imagine what got into Cindy, though.  Going along with it."  Muses Derannimer.

"Yes."  Abigail says, obviously keen to get off the subject.  "It was almost as if she couldn't help herself.  Must be the heat in here.  It's very stuffy."

"I wouldn't have said anything."  Derannimer says apologetically.  "But you mentioned it a second time to Pippin.  You kept insisting that the phrase meant what you thought it meant.  Hey!"  She brightens up.  "I guess we could say that you were Humpty-Dumptying 'Humpty-Dumptying the Bangs'!  Get it?"

Abigail chooses not to respond, and instead says, "It still seems to me as though there should be a term for excessive Banging."

"Try telling that to the Captain."  Derannimer replies.  "She probably won't even admit such a thing is possible."

But Abigail doesn't seem to be listening.  She's rummaging through her many pockets, throwing out pieces of lint, crumpled grocery lists and a small terrier which quickly scurries away.  Finally, she digs out a small device, which looks like a cross between an adding machine and a cuisinart. 

"Is that a..." Derannimer gasps.

"Yup."  Abigail beams.  "A miniature acronym generator.  It's an experimental prototype, very tempermental, and given to somewhat... mixed results.  But it's served me in good stead."  She gives the odd contraption a friendly pat, and then proceeds to punch buttons and pull levers.  

The acronym generator whirrs, beeps, wheezes, and plays a jaunty little tune.  Then a thin strip of paper emerges.  Abigail tears it off and reads.

"DIMINISHING CAPACITY: Death In Massive Increments Negates Its Supposed Horror - EveryDay Corpses And Perpetual Atrocities Cause Indifference To amplifY"

"It fudged it a bit at the end."  Derannimer points out.  

"Well, this is only a beta version."  Abigail says sadly.  "If you've got something better I'll be glad to hear it."

"No, I suppose this will do."

"Good."  Abigail smiles.  "Then you can go show it the Captain."

"Why me?"

"Well, you *are* a Big Banger."

"But you brought it up in the first place.  You go."

"No, you go."

"No, *you*."

This might take a while.

Abigail
Who would like to thank Derannimer for the correction.