Hogwarts/Hogsmeade (filk)

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 56847

The recent threads on "Sexy" Snape inspired this filk, set to one of 
the most drop-dead sexy tunes ever written (by Sondheim, of course!)

Hogwarts/Hogsmeade

To the tune of Uptown/Downtown from Sondheim's Follies (cut from the 
original)

Dedicated to Haggridd (who will know the original)

THE SCENE. Potions Class. SNAPE begins an owl to the Headmaster 
describing his least favorite student. 

SNAPE:
Now this is the tale of a lad known as Harry, he
Was some kid they raised without folks, like Longbottom
A duty-free life is his aim, and yea verily,
Not even the great Sev'rus Snape
Has yet caught him
He isn't the least perturbed by House points lost
So `twixt him and me it's winter frost
And the subject of this evening's owl
Claims foul is fair and fair is foul

Hogwarts, he wins at Quidditch and gloats
Hogsmeade, he's sneaking in with no note
Hyperactive Harry, he's
My grievance from Gryffindor

Hogwarts, he's sticking up for Mudbloods
Hogsmeade, he's drenching Draco in mud
Hyperactive Harry, he's 
My grievance from Gryffindor

He slaps on his map
As he ignores rules
And tries to sneak off so meek
Making us the fools
And soon the sap's in a scrap
Quite the rhapsody
I know what's on tap, oh
Claptrap capsules. 

Hogwarts, he's tricking Age Lines with lies
Hogsmeade, upon Cornelius he spies
Ask him, should he be Hogwarts or –Meade
He's one of the those miserable kids with `weed.

(SNAPE dispatches his owl, and retires. A Chorus of Portraits of 
Previous Potions Professors finish the song)

SEMI-CHORUS I:
We're gonna see Hogsmeade to bully Harry, he's
Hogtied, hag-saluting Harry, he
.

SEMI-CHORUS II:
Hi Hi hyperactive Harry, he
..

ALL
Hogwarts, Hogsmeade, 
We're gonna go Hogswarts to bully Harry, who's
Downwards, earthwards, onwards, go
Whole, whole, whole hog to bully Harry who
.
Hogs!

     -	CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm 

Aarrgh!!!!!!! Broadway MIDI is no more!!!! (You now have to purchase 
their MIDIs on software)

http://www.broadwaymidi.com/

(I'm too depressed thinking of all theie links I'll have to remove 
from HPF to write another filk for at least six hours)