You Guys *Want* Hagrid To Die? Fine, Then!

[Cindy C.]

No: HPFGUIDX 57040

I was just scrolling through the "Who Is The Death That JKR Says 
Will Be Horrible To Write?" poll, and I notice a rather disturbing 
statistics.  

Forty-eight percent of voters (213 people) predict Hagrid will go to 
the great beyond in OoP.

<shakes head sadly>

I'm still thinking the smart money is on Hermione, myself.  Be that 
as it may, I'm willing to get rid of Hagrid if you guys absolutely 
insist.  The problem, though, is the thorny question of the means of 
Hagrid's demise.  

So forget *whether* Hagrid will die.  Let's jump right to *how* 
Hagrid will die, shall we?  The possibilities:

1.  Dementor.  Hagrid doesn't have a wand and so can't conjure a 
patronus, I suppose.  But how boring is it for Hagrid to just stand 
there helpless as a dementor glides slowly over to him?  I guess he 
would *weep,* wouldn't he?  That's what we need -- more of Hagrid 
weeping.  Ugh.

2.  The Giant Squid.  Hey, don't laugh.  There are many references 
to the giant squid, which hasn't figured into the plot yet.  Hagrid 
has been known to go into the lake.  You do have to admit that this 
manner of death would be extremely Bangy.  The tentacles around 
Hagrid's neck.  Hagrid digging his fingernails into the mud to slow 
his slide into the depths of the lake.  Hagrid struggling free, only 
to be grabbed once by each of the squids tentacles, until that Tenth 
Tentacle proves to be too strong for Hagrid.  Oh, I *like* that!

3.  AK.  Uh, a flash of green light, an especially loud thud, and 
that's it?  Nah.

4.  Lethifold.  Someone -- anyone -- has to die via lethifold or I 
will be bitterly disappointed, myself.

Wouldn't it be just *awful* if Hagrid finally meets his mother and 
that very instant meets his maker, too?  He might be so happy that 
he would come back as an oversize ghost.  Wouldn't that be jolly?  
;-)

Cindy -- wondering why her posts are taking so very long to turn up