Crushes on female characters (Was: Hurt-Comfort and Comfort-Hurt)

[darrin_burnett]

No: HPFGUIDX 57092

Errol Owl:

> 
> But to start off, I have to protest. The women on this list have it 
> easy when it comes to well defined characters. We guys have to depend 
> on active imaginations more often than not....but then, when you can 
> place Avery on a list you give us no room for excuses.
> Very well then captain, off we go with absolutely no regard of age...
> 

The wonder is that ladies didn't put MacNair the Executioner on the list...=
  
something like  "He's sexy because he's so strong and silent and has such a=
 
brutal job, but maintains it all so stoically."

Sheesh. Next we'll hear how Alberforth Dumbledore and Vernon Dursley is 
sexy.

> The front runners:
> 1. Rosemerta : oh, she wins every time. I'm with Darrin and
> Ersatz Harry on that <now, now! no dueling guys – there are too many 
> contenders for her hand to kill `em all>. Curvy Bartender.
> Beauty. And sass (you've got to love sparkly turquoise high heels). 
> And class. She doesn't fawn (she has that *edge* in her voice when
> she talks to the minister doesn't she?) And she can think for herself 
> too. Note she still has trouble believing Sirius went over to the 
> other side. Got to admire a woman who won't start every second 
> sentence with "well anyway, everybody says...." 
> And what's with all the "m'dears" from Fudge? Makes a
> guys hackles rise that does! 

And she likes humor! She talked about how James  and Sirius used to make 
her laugh all the time!  Man, I would LIVE at that tavern.

> 
> 2. Mrs Lestrange: Right, she's got less canon that even Avery.
> But she does make an impact and I'm surprised no one else brought her
> up. Dangerous, that's the word. It would take quite a man to keep
> pace with her. Vicious. Wild. Fiery. Regal. Tempestuous. 
> Temptress...but ice cold deep down. The ice princess with a twist....
> 

Wha? I don't know. I have lived through my wild stage where I dated women 
who were just as likely to plunge a knife in my back (or use it in other pl=
aces.) 
Lived through it.  If Narcissa turns out to be a DE, then she falls on my l=
ist.

Besides, we're MEN! We need to know what Mrs. Lestrange looks like!


> 3. Narcissa Malfoy: Darrin said it best. The allure of an ice 
> princess. The confidence. The arrogance. The cold façade that
> perhaps hides an inner fire... sigh. I can see a lot of guys 
> idolizing her, pining with unrequited love.. or lust.

Here is the closest we have to the Hurt!Comfort thing. Why are guys attract=
ed 
to frigid ice princesses? 

Because we're convinced they wouldn't be frigid if they had us. We're 
convinced they are just waiting for us to melt them.

It's egotistical. It's stupid. It's embarrassing when you find out that, no=
oo... she 
wasn't waiting for you. But, there you go. Our Hurt!Comfort.

Call it the Cold!Melt school of thought (and you just KNOW there is a band =

name in that)


> 4. Fleur: Hot. Who cares about anything else? Besides, she was a 
> champion so she obviously has *some* talent. But I must admit that 
> being one of a pack hanging around her is a definite no. Nah,
> she'll have to be the one coming on strong...

There are countless other chicks from Beauxbatons. Remember Guy Rule 
#293. Always go after the second-prettiest girl at the party. She'll be thr=
illed 
that you are ignoring the hotter one for her. (Besides, by the time you get=
 done 
getting rejected by the hot girl, some other guy will have taken up the sec=
ond- 
and third-... and 34th-prettiest girl)

> The second tier:
> 
> 6. Hermione: smart, sassy, loyal, confident (or apparently so) with 
> an underlying vulnerability. She's great fun..but is in danger of 
> the "just a pal" syndrome quite a few ladies I know complain
> of. She's not good looking *yet*, though she definitely has potential,
> and the Yule ball upped her crushability tremendously. (Note- no 
> movie contamination...I still see a bushy haired know it all, with a 
> backpack slung on her shoulders, nose in a book. The kind who would 
> probably not recognize a compliment, or give a sarcastic reply even 
> if she did). That's impression is changing though. She's much
> more self aware now - oh yes, there are definite possibilities.
 
I know. I know. Movie contamination. But DAMN, she cleans up good, don't 
she? She's got a tad bit of mood swings about her, though. As Ron says, 
"barking."

> 7. Cho Chang: Nice, attractive, spunky, sporty, loyal. For some weird 
> reason she didn't have a high crush potential for me till the end
> of GoF. But that vulnerable scene at the feast did it. [Hurt-comfort 
> anyone?]
 
The scene where Harry finally works up the courage to ask her out is the on=
e 
that really got me from junior high school, ESPECIALLY when she really 
seemed to be sorry he hadn't asked her before Cedric did. (Or, she just was=
 
letting the kid down easy, because Cedric was her dream date all along.)

Man, how many of us were just a little late in finally getting the guts to =
ask the 
girl?

> 8. Hooch: one of the few teachers to make the list, and with due 
> movie contamination (those eyes!). Sporty and sassy, you could fall 
> for her faster than you can say "Quidditch"
 
I admit movie contamination here too. Love a girl who likes a fast drive in=
 the 
country.

> 9. Pansy: Some Neanderthal reaction I guess. A simpering female who 
> fawns over you, is anxious when you're wounded, jumps to your 
> defense, never steals your limelight
and is of course very
> pretty. If Draco sees something in her, who am I to argue? <grin>

Yeah, but only if your dad is rich and you are pureblood for like two mille=
nia. 
Wayyyy too high-maintenance, man. Remember her reaction to the gold 
unicorn? She only dates guys six figures and above, my friend.


> 10. Olympe Maxime: The very name has some Oomph! Her being a 
> Headmistress and her sheer size pose intimidating problems, but I 
> certainly can't fault Hagrid. There's beauty, grace,
> intelligence and a certain French seductiveness going for her--but 
> the clinching factor is her Single-malt horses.
 
Who says we just like skinny girls?! Bring on the big one!

> 11. McGonagall: Starchy and prickly exterior. But once you get past 
> the grandmother effect (very very difficult), there's quite a
> case to be built for her. Intelligence, sarcasm and authority, with a 
> totally mushy core. Probably reads romance novels in her room. Poor 
> lonely misunderstood Minerva. 

Check please! Sorry, I don't see it. I also admit to movie contamination he=
re, 
and not in a good way. Very, very difficult indeed. Maybe if my dad were 
single...

 > 12. Patils: Umm, not developed enough. They're described as
> beautiful though a trifle too giggly, or atleast Parvati is. We don't 
> know about Padma do we? Parvati does jump to Harry's defense in the 
> PS rememberall incident, so she show some spunk. There's
> potential.

Padma is a bit materialistic, but to be fair, Ron's robes were pretty hideo=
us, 
and she was basically playing wing-woman to Parvati. (I'd bet anything 
Parvati had to talk Padma into going, so Harry would feel better because bo=
th 
he and Ron had dates.) 

So, at the very least, she's a good sport, and Ron did treat her pretty sha=
bbily. 

> 13. Lavender: Ditto Parvati, with the Binky incident counting against 
> her.
 
Lavender also dissed my boy Hagrid after the man-hating substitute brought =

in the unicorns.  Snotty brat.
   
>Myrtle has way too much  angst (gosh, do we seriously consider her?) 

The first guy to treat Myrtle decently would have her so wrapped around his=
 
finger... of course, now she's a ghost. I mean back in the alive days.

Besides, if we're talking ghosts, that Grey Lady is probably hotter...

>Skeeter is poisonous, her  painted nails not withstanding, though I can't =

speak for others. 

You can speak for me. Bleech.

> Pomfry, Sprout, and (gasp) Trelawney – you got to be kidding!

In order. Too grandmother. Too aunt. Too crazy aunt locked up in the attic.=


> Molly? That would be practically incestuous. 

True, but I bet she was a hottie, back in the day.

> 
> Errol
> "Perverted pedophiles" would make a *horrible* name for a
> band, don't you think Darrin?

Assuming it's not a band name already, yeah, it would be a bad name for a 
band. Also a bad name for a list group.

Darrin
-- Cold Melt would be a great name for a band.