Filk: You're a Mean One, Mr. Snape

[Jonathan Pessin]

No: HPFGUIDX 57947

Inspired by the recent "I Hate Snape" and "S.L.Y.T.H.E.R.I.N.S." posts,
and a comment made in another message (I forget by whom, sorry.)  here's
the filk:

Scene:  The students, led by Harry Potter, have had enough abouse and
have decided to revolt.  They come down to the potions classroom and
corner Snape in his own dungeon.

Harry:  You're a mean one, Mr. Snape.
You're really, really cruel.
You're as charming as a serpent,
You're as cuddly as a ghoul.
Mr. Snape.

Your personality smells as good as
Three week old gruel!

Ron:  You're a monster, Mr. Snape.
You're creepy as a bat.
You're as lethal as a Lethifold,
And ugly as a rat.
Mr. Snape.

I'm sure when you grew up you were
A terrible brat! 

Hermione:  You're a vile one, Mr. Snape.
And I'm sure you can't refute
You have all the tender sweetness
Of a big Blast-Ended Skrewt.
Mr. Snape.

Given the choice between the two of you
I'd take the Blast-Ended Skrewt!

Ron:  You're a foul one, Mr. Snape.
You make us all morose.
We want to go quite far away
Whenever you get close.
Mr. Snape.

The three words that best describe you,
are, and I quote: "Grease. Grease. Gross!"

Hermione:  You're a rotter, Mr. Snape.
You're the king of greasy gits.
You often send poor Neville 
Into epileptic fits,
Mr. Snape.

Your soul is an apalling dump heap overflowing
with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable
rubbish imaginable,
and that's just the nice bits!


Hobbit_guy, who really ought to calm down about this Snape thing, huh?

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"You haven't been getting into the Gaffer's home brew again, have you?"
"No... Well, yes, but that's beside the point."
-Frodo and Bilbo Baggins, Fellowship of the Rings Extended Edition DVD