[HPforGrownups] TBAY: Anger Management

[Amanda Geist]

No: HPFGUIDX 58601

> An ominous cloud of white smoke hung motionless in the still air,
> the ventilation system whirring pointlessly in the background.

It stopped hanging and swooped lower to hear, as

> Cindy rose slowly from her chair and lumbered to the make-shift
> plywood podium near the bar.  She reached for a pitcher of tepid
> water and poured it into her glass, her hands shaking only slightly,
> and took a small sip.  Placing her glass carefully on the tottering
> podium, she finally looked up at the crowd.  "My name is Captain
> Cindy, and I --"

> There was an awkward pause as the theorists waited expectantly.  "Go
> on," George urged patiently.

> "I --"  Cindy faltered, her eyes cast downward, her weathered hands
> gripping the sides of the podium.  "And I'm a Rage-aholic," she
> finished.

"Oh, was *that* all..." thought the cloud, considering drifting up and
hanging again. Really not much to do until the hurricane hit, though, she
thought--may as well stay here and see what they're on about...

> "Well, yeah," Cindy said.  "But I'm very concerned that something
> about OoP will enrage me and I will fling my brand new hardcover
> copy of OoP into a *roaring* fire in the Mother of All Hissy Fits."

> "Ooooh," George said slowly, rubbing his chin, his brow knitted.  "I
> *do* see your problem.  Yes . . . yes, this could be serious --
> those books are *expensive.*  Besides, what are the chances that
> *you* could read a book and not find something outrageous, something
> that offends you deeply?"

> "I'm thinking about zero," Cindy said glumly.  "OoP isn't even
> released yet, and already I'm getting ticked off."

The cloud drifted idly lower.

> "I think OoP will suffer from 'Low Hanging Fruit Syndrome'!"

Time to get involved, the cloud thought...

> "Low Hanging Fruit Syndrome?" Amanda echoed blankly.

> "That's right," Cindy said.  "OoP will be filled with wonderful
> opportunities for JKR to do the unexpected.  But she won't.  She'll
> go for the safe bet.  The easy way out.  *The Low Hanging Fruit.*"

"So *that's* it," thought Amandageist, and remained, listening.

> "But she's never done that before," objected Jo Serenadust from the
> far left part of the room.

> "That's true.  But we have a situation where JKR seems to have set
> up the obvious, and I'm thinking she is just going to go for the
> obvious.  Like MemoryCharm!Neville.  It would be so much more daring
> and interesting for her to go with ReverseMemoryCharm!Neville or one
> of the other complex Neville theories.  But she won't, will she?
> You know she won't.  She'll give us MemoryCharmButtKicking!Neville,
> who is as *PREDICTABLE* as he can possibly be!" she shrieked.

> Cindy whipped around and launched her water glass with all of her
> might in the general direction of the fireplace.  It exploded
> against the wall, spraying the mantel and pool table with razor-
> sharp shards.  "And that," Cindy howled, "is what is going to make
> me *CRAZY!*  Mrs. Figg will be Good!  Real Moody will be Good!
> Hagrid will be Good to the bitter end!  If JKR takes the Low Hanging
> Fruit, I will scream a long and deadly scream that will pierce the
> walls of her big ol' Scottish mansion!  And then I will throw my
> book straight into George's fireplace!  But it will do no good.
> Because OoP will already be *RUINED!*"

Amandageist watched as a bit of a scuffle ensued between one of the Elkinsi
and Cindy.

> "Uh . . . unless someone has some suggestions for Cindy that might
> actually be helpful," George panted, "maybe we should take a
> break."  He shoved Cindy hard in the direction of the fireplace and
> gave her a withering stare, daring her to move.  "And *you!*" he
> hissed.  "You stay right there!  I'm going down to the basement to
> see if I have more glasses.  *Plastic* ones this time!"

Amandageist drifted down and swooped over Cindy, so that the captain was
bathed in icy mist for a second or two. It seemed to have the desired
effect; she cooled off for the moment and sat down as George disappeared
down the stairs. The rest of the crowd, fearful of mayhem or geist-mist,
withdrew and resumed their conversations, shooting glances over
occasionally.

"Cindy," Amandageist said, "you're overreacting, and you don't even have
anything to overreact to yet."

"WHAT?" Cindy jerked her head up to look at the geist. "And could you float
at a more comfortable conversation level?"

"Sorry," and the geist floated down to hover about four feet above the
floor. "Listen. JKR has done the predictable before. She does loads of
predictable stuff. Her work fits perfectly into what I've heard termed
'fair' mysteries, ones you could figure out; she provides the necessary
details. No, wait" as Cindy began to object, "Let me qualify that.

JKR writes 'fair' mysteries that any person who grew up with a knowledge of
the wizarding world could figure out. We, the readers, do not have the
requisite background. It's not that she's hiding anything--we just don't
have all the context required to put the pieces together. It is her strength
and her charm that she can feed us both the mystery and the context, so
braided together and gradually, that we do not resent her for springing the
answers on us at the ends of the books. Rather, we think, 'of course!' and
are delighted to finally know."

Cindy was nodding slowly, seeing the sense but still wanting to be upset. It
was, after all, what she did best, and she had a reputation to maintain.
There's no jumping on a geist, though, she thought; why waste the energy?
She relaxed and kept listening.

"So," Amandageist continued, "I fully expect a good bit of what happens in
OoP to be the obvious. But has this woman's creativity taught you nothing?
Even the *photos* in the wizarding world are out of the ordinary. Even if
she *does* take the low-hanging fruit, it'll be a type of fruit none of us
has ever seen before, probably one that bites or changes you into a lizard."

"But bangs..." Cindy began.

"Yeah, I know. We've all had so much time to work out these totally bizarre
theories that at this point they're the only things that make sense to us.
You should do what I do and believe in theories that *are* obvious. Snape
loving Lily, Neville being memory charmed--so what if they're obvious? I
can't *wait* to find out all the details! They're going to be nothing like I
expected, because they're going to come through the filter of JKR's vision
and creativity. If Snape's task was to go back to Voldemort, that's a broad,
obvious conclusion. But there are *millions* of ways she could structure
that. Sure, I want to know what his task is. But if it turns out to be the
obvious, I still get all the fun of experiencing JKR's presentation of the
whats, whys, and wherefores."

She swooped closer, hovering with her face near Cindy's, speaking earnestly.
"So *what* if the end product is expected? Think of the *journey*! You're
focusing on the goal, the ultimate answers, only! But the treasures of these
books are every bit as much in the path *to* those answers. Chill out,
dear," Amandageist finished.  "Are you okay now, or do I need to do another
pass?"

"No, thanks," Cindy shivered. "I'll be fine. But, you know, the MD people
might be even more upset than I am, if JKR takes the low-hanging fruit."

Amandageist laughed. "Oh, won't they just. But they've been trying to get
that appliance to work correctly since they installed it. They'll find a way
for MD to work even if JKR comes right out and states its negation in so
many words. I wouldn't worry about them. They'll be fine; they simply won't
allow themselves to disbelieve. It will all be a very clever ruse by JKR or
Dumbledore. You saw how they reinforced the building the dishwasher's in,
against the hurricane."

Cindy laughed too, and managed a smile. "Okay, I guess I can wait until OoP
comes out before I start reacting to it. Want a pass through my drink? Can
you taste it if it's very strong?"

"Almost," Amandageist sighed.

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