TBAY: The ESE Bill post part 1

[erinellii]

No: HPFGUIDX 85653

"If you can stand just a wee bit more background first, I'll soon be 
getting to all the canon for Ever So Evil Bill!" Erin is telling 
George excitedly as they stand in the Theory Bay woods before a giant 
fir tree whose top appears to have been blasted by can(n)on 
fire. "But, well, Bill hasn't really committed too many heinous 
crimes yet, so I'm afraid I have to lean pretty heavily on the 
characterization".  

George's handsome eyes bulge slightly at the thought of Yet More 
Characterization.

But before Erin can begin, there is a slight popping sound, and who 
should appear in the clearing but Hercule Poirot, the famous Belgian 
detective created by Agatha Christie, who proceeds to inform Erin of 
the serious crime
that has already been committed. 

The Case of the Unfortunate Fate of Sturgis Podmore.
 
"So you're saying Podmore was betrayed by someone else in
The Order?" gasps Erin. "It was ESE!Bill! I knew it!"

But before Erin can finish hugging Poirot, jumping up and down, and 
screaming like a madwoman- "Canonical evidence for a spy in the 
Order!  I knew I'd left something out of my theory! Thank you, 
detective, thank you!"-  there was a rustling in the undergrowth; 
bushes shook, curses rent the air and a disheveled figure burst out, 
tripped over a root and flattened a patch of wild flowers.

Kneasy painfully levered himself to his feet, and proceeded to do 
what it is that a Kneasy does best- make fun of Erin's carefully 
honed theory.

After dragging over a Daily Prophet reporter, Kneasy scrabbles 
through the dirt in front of the Evil!Sirius hedgehog grave.  The 
always meticulously finicky Hercule Poirot takes one disgusted look 
and *pops* right out of the scene. "Thank you again!" hollers Erin 
after him.

Kneasy has uncovered a tin box which he claims holds the "correct" 
information on Bill- who is, in Kneasy's delusional version of 
events, an embezzler hooked on hookers and the high life.  Erin 
begins to giggle as Kneasy expounds:

"
 from a time he went to see Madam Whiplash. Somethin' she
does for special customers - the rubber waders, the goose-grease, the
feather duster....   

"Anyway, the Quibbler nearly got the story last year, but they 
wouldn't hand over the folding stuff. Seemed to think it was for the 
benefit of the public or some such tripe. But I got the proof right 
here. I got bettin' slips and thank you notes from Bagman, receipts,
letters from Fudge, Auditors report and photos, lots and lots of
photos. Here, you ever seen a Veela wrap her hair round.... no, on
second thoughts I'll keep that one.

"So; what'm I bid?"

Erin bursts out laughing as the reporter tells Kneasy the Daily 
Prophet figures an old drunk like him ought to be satisfied with ten 
galleons or so. 
"It'll buy you a liquid dinner for the next week, and that's all you 
bums really want, isn't it?"

"Shouldn't have told them the Quibbler wouldn't take it, Kneasy," 
Erin advises.  "I mean, come on, the Daily Prophet is really the only 
other game in town, isn't it?  Here," she says kindly to Snape!
Son, "I have some tissue if you'd like
"   Snape!Son ignores her 
outstretched hand and turns to drag his dripping nose across the 
bottom of Kneasy's patched and ragged overcoat. 

George, whose handsome visage has been growing steadily more puzzled 
throughout the convoluted conversation, takes one look at the snot-
nosed little mite and runs off screaming.

"But, Kneasy, you had a good point about Fleur Delacour being 
accustomed to the finer things in life.  I wasn't going to bring this 
up in my main BB GUN theory, but since you mentioned it
 well, I 
think there's a darn good chance that Fleur is ESE also."  Erin 
mentally apologizes to Oliver (whom her TBAY self has not technically 
met yet- those timeturners are tricky things) for maligning a fellow 
countrywoman, -albeit a fictional one- but decides to plunge on.

"You remember when Fleur and the other Beauxbatons students arrived 
at Hogwarts?  They, and especially Fleur, absolutely hated everything 
they saw at first sight.  And you know, that's really *not * normal 
behavior.  They almost seem to have taken a dislike to it before they 
even got there, don't they?  And so, the question I would like to ask 
is this: What Voldemort supporter do they know who has been filling 
their heads with these preconceived notions that Hogwarts is such a 
terrible place?  Who has taught them to be on their guard against 
anything they might appreciate or learn from Hogwarts?  And what else 
has this mysterious influence taught them?  People are all worried 
that Durmstrung will come out on You-Know-Who's side once the war 
begins. Way I see it, they ought to be more concerned about 
Beauxbatons.

"Well," Erin says as dawn begins to break over the treetops, "I have 
an appointment to keep at the Royal George later this morning, so I 
need to get back to the trimaran and try to catch a few hours of 
sleep.  Good seein' ya, Kneasy."

Erin