Things that will come into play later.

[Geoff Bannister]

No: HPFGUIDX 79417

--- In HPforGrownups at yahoogroups.com, Fred Uloth <prof_uloth at h...> 
wrote:

 
> Hmm...I'm led to believe a woman wrote this post. I think JKR 
nailed male 
> relationships very well with this one. For women, a good friend is 
someone 
> with whom they can cry, share emotions, discuss whatever. To a man 
(at 
> least in Teens and Tweens) a good friend is someone who is there, 
shows 
> loyalty and doesn't pry into emotional issues. The girls (Hermy, 
Cho, 
> Jenny) are the one that keeps bringing up the topics Harry wants to 
avoid 
> (death, dreams, etc). Nevilles comment after Sirius dies is as 
intimate a 
> question as any guy would get with another guy. If Ron were asking 
the 
> questions that Hermione asks and Harry didn't blow his top, then 
I'd say 
> the people who think Harry is light in the loafers may have a leg 
to stand 
> on. JKR has a VERY good handle on relationship dynamics of teenage 
boys. 
> Guys don't want to talk about it...not when the wounds are still 
fresh 
> anyway...if they do, it will only be with a female that they really 
trust. 
> I don't think we should be slighting Ron for being a typical 
teenage 
> boy...when push comes to shove, Ron is always on Harry's side.


She has indeed handled male relations well. I feel that I relate to 
HP because I can see myself at that age. I was considered something 
of a "boffin" (probably a geek in modern speech!, something like 
Hermione even in having my nose in books and more interested in 
intellectual things. Being at an all-male school (the UK norm at that 
time) didn't help my contact with girls and, like HP, I had a number 
of disasters a la Cho Chang.

One of the things which I always dislike is the "big boys don't cry" 
attitude often drummed into our heads. Looking at Harry's responses 
to some of the deep emotional moments, I can recall when my eldest 
son was born and there was a medical crisis which threatened both 
mother and baby. I was left out on a limb feeling absolutely 
devastated waiting for news and wishing that I could go and have a 
good bawl on someone's shoulder - and I couldn't. There wasn't a 
shoulder handy and I couldn't break through the conditioning.

There is also the male bonding which I recently mentioned in 
connection wih CS Lewis' "Four Loves" - friends together just to 
enjoy each other's company. My wife often berates me because in phone 
conversations with our two sons, who are still in London, she gets 
involved in their "relationship" lives - particularly the younger one 
who has had a couple of relationship crash-landings but, when I get 
to the phone, we discuss DVDs, politics, computers et al. Fred is 
right, that's the way male dynamics often work -and not only teens 
and tweens.

Geoff