TBAY: "I See London, I See France!"

[Cindy C.]

No: HPFGUIDX 80776

"That'll be *enough* out of you!"  Cindy growled, fixing George with
her watery, bloodshoot eyes.

George, his face flushed, had flung his upper body onto the bar, his
shoulders shaking with laughter.  "No . . . no . . . ," he sputtered,
gasping for breath.  "Wait -- wait, there's *more!*"  He lifted his
head slightly, tears of mirth slipping down his porcelain cheeks. 
"Not only did Hermione survive OoP without so much as a hair out of
place -–"

"*CAN IT*, George -–"

"-—but your ever-so-important Put Outer is about is pivotal as a book
of *matches* -–"

"I'm *warning* you, pal --"

"And your *tattoo!*  'Moody and Rookwood 4 Eva!'" George snorted. 
"How much does it cost to burn a tattoo off nowadays, anyway?"  George
tossed his head back, gales of laughter filling the bar. "What did you
use to *make* those predictions, anyway?  A crystal ball?  A Ouija
board?  A Magic 8 ball?"

"Go on, then.  Laugh it up," Cindy said with disgust.  "I didn't win
any of my OoP prediction bets, which means I don't have the money to
pay my bar tab.  So you lose, too!"

"Come on.  You must have gotten *something* right?"

"Nope.  I'm O for 78 on my predictions.  But that's not the worst
part," Cindy said evenly, gulping the lukewarm tap water in her
champagne glass.  "No, the worst part was the *Bang* deficit in OoP."

"Now why am I not surprised that you found OoP insufficiently Bangy?"
George asked, rolling his eyes.  "What seems to be the problem now?"

"Seriously, there's something in OoP that just doesn't work," Cindy
mused.  "It's just not *right.*  I mean, tell me, what is the pivotal
scene in OoP?"

"Oh, that's easy.  The Rumble in the Ministry of Magic."

Cindy threw him a scornful look.  "No, I mean the pivotal scene that
isn't *completely dreadful.*"

"Oh, OK.  That has to be the scene where James torments Snape,
culminating in a flash of Snape's underwear."  George rested his
elbows on the bar.  "Yep, that was a classic.  Snape endured the
Ultimate Humiliation in that scene."

"Ya think?"  Cindy said icily.  "You think that's the Ultimate
Humiliation for a person in Snape's position at Hogwarts as Designated
Victim?"

George nodded slowly.  "I see nothing wrong with it.  And JKR agrees
with me –- she called that chapter 'Snape's Worst Memory.'  It's
supposed to be especially compelling, part of what makes Snape who he
is, what causes him to do the slow burn that is central to
SWEETGEORGANISM --"

Cindy scowled at him.  "Well, let's look at the way that scene
develops.  First, James sees Snape and disarms him.  That's not nice.
 Then he hits him with _Impedimenta_, knocking the wind out of Snape.
 That's even worse.  So that's a pretty aggressive start to a round of
spirited bullying, don't you think?"

"Yeah, it's a lot worse than any bullying we've seen at Hogwarts among
Harry's peers, anyway."

"Right.  But then JKR takes it *up* a notch, doesn't she?  She has
James use _Scourgify_, causing Snape to crawl on the ground, choking
on his own soapy froth.  So that's the worst thing yet."

"So?"

"Well, it's the next bit I have trouble with," Cindy said slowly,
groping around for a pretzel.  "This is supposed to be Snape's *worst*
memory.  We know about the Prank, when Snape was in mortal danger. 
This underwear scene is supposed to be the most horrid thing that ever
happened to Snape.  And what does JKR choose as the Ultimate Insult to
Snape?"  She reached for a tattered copy of OoP and began to read:

"James whirled about; a second flash of light later, Snape was hanging
upside down in the air, his robes falling over his head to reveal
skinny, pallid legs and a pair of graying underpants."

"What's wrong with that?" George asked, his eyes narrowed.

"Well, it's the *underpants,* frankly," Cindy said, closing the book
with a snap.  "Having others see your underwear isn't a lot of fun, I
guess, but it is hardly the worst thing that can ever happen to a
person.  Not by a long shot.  It's not even *close.*"

"Come *on!*" George retorted.  "Snape was humiliated in front of the
whole school."

"That's my point.  It wasn't nearly enough.  It was an instance -– and
there are several in OoP –- where JKR chooses to write a scene of
drama and suspense, but she includes something rather childish or
lighthearted in the scene as well, which *ruins* it for me.  Underwear
is often considered a bit of a gag, really.  Mildly embarrassing, to
be sure, but hardly the climax of what is supposed to be Snape's worst
memory ever.  Worse than being a DE.  Worse than the Prank.  Worse
than whatever he did for Voldemort at the end of GoF.

"It's anti-climactic, that's all," Cindy finished.  "And Bangers can't
deal with things that are anti-climactic.  It upsets us." 

"Well, if you're so smart," George challenged, "what should JKR have
done instead of the underwear business?"

"Mmmm," Cindy said, rubbing her chin thoughtfully.  She glanced
quickly around the bar, as though checking to see if anyone were
listening, then lowered her voice to a hoarse whisper.  "What's
missing when you hang someone upside down so that others see their
underwear is the risk of *physical* pain, disfigurement, even death. 
When the victim is at your mercy and finds himself wondering whether
you'll stop or go too far before something really *serious* happens. 
*That's* the very worst kind of bullying -– the kind the victim never
forgets.  And never forgives.

"I mean, we have a very good example of that sort of drama and
suspense, and it is a favorite scene of mine -- the graveyard scene in
GoF.  Were there any comic elements in that scene?  Heck, no!  That's
why we were able to take it seriously -- because *JKR* took it seriously!"

"Yeah, well," George allowed.  "But if she did it your way, then she'd
be writing different books entirely."

"Yeah," Cindy said with a thin smile.  "Gripping, disturbing books
that are way too much for kids.  

"*Bangy* books, in other words."

**************************

Cindy