Her-mee-oh-nee (filk)

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 80836

Naturally, no GoF musical would be complete without a Yule Ball song, 
so here's the 12th A!Kedavra filk to the tune of Kansas City from 
Rodgers and Hammerstein's Oklahoma!

Her-mee-oh-nee (GoF, Chap. 22-23)

Dedicated to Constance Vigilance

THE SCENE: Gryffindor Commons. RON, getting desperate for a Yule Ball 
date, asks HER-MEE-OH-NEE, only to be turned down.

RON:
The faculty said, "Students, here's the deal-ah,
We'll have ourselfs a dance this winter term."
So even though I couldn't take no Veela
I knew that I could always count on Herm.

I didn't want her goin' to the Yule Ball by herself
Even if she is a Know-It-All
An' she ain't so bad, compared to Eloise.
What she tol' me sounded worse'n Draco's drawl.

I cannot get a date with Her-mee-oh-nee
I guess I'm gonna hafta take some troll!
She claims that she will be goin' with some other guy,
So all my plans are in the toilet bowl.

It isn't as if I dream of Her-mee-oh-nee
She prattles on `bout magic lesson goals.
I can turn to Parvati Patil
And with her twin sister go 
I'll try to fix these girl robes up
So they'll look apropos
And give my sympathy to friends
Who cannot take out Cho
We'll keep our magnetism in control

RON & CHORUS OF MALE GRYFFINDORS
Yes sir!
We'll keep our magnetism in control!

(Segue to the evening of the Ball. As HER-MEE-OH-NEE enters, escorted 
by Krum, every mouth falls open in reaction to her radiant 
transformation – making RON more displeased than ever)

HARRY:
Who's she?

PARVATI:
Whut nerve!

CHORUS OF MALE GRYFFINDORS:
Woof Woof!

RON:
Whut this?
I'm astound!

Viktor Krum has a date with Her-mee-oh-nee
She's made herself as purty as can be!
She set her fangs a-shrinkin', her hair's all shiny too
And not one book does that bookworm carry!

Herm is a gal who now is fraternizin'
And giving info to the enemy.
She may think that she's a genius,
But she'll learn that's she's a heel,
`Cause Viktor Krum's jus' usin' her
To egg secrets reveal


HER-MEE-OH-NEE
Well, here is your solution then, I think it is ideal
Next time ask me to go initially!

ALL (to RON):
Yes sir!
Next time ask her to go initially!

(Lengthy and elaborate dance sequence: first the Champions dance with 
their partners, then everyone else joins in – except RON - Fred & 
Angelina, Neville & Ginny, Draco & Pansy, Dumbledore & Sprout, Moody 
& Sinistra, Bagman & McGonagall, Hagrid & Maxime, Karkaroff & Snape, 
etc.)

ALL (to RON):
Next time ask her to go initially!
Next time ask her to go initially!

RON: (spoken)
Well, that just completely misses the – uh, point
.

   -	CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS 
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm  

(just one song – plus one reprise – to go!)