All or No One (filk)

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 80920

All or No One (GoF, Chap. 25-26)

The 13th and penultimate A!Kedavra filk to the tune of All er Nothin' 
from Rodgers and Hammerstein's Oklahoma!

Dedicated to HAGGRIDD

THE SCENE: Gryffindor Commons. HARRY has finally figured out the egg 
clue for the second task, but that's just the beginning of his 
difficulties.

HERMIONE:	
You'll need to be a whole lot more ambitious
If you're to win the second task, you know.

HARRY:
I just found out I have to swim with fishes
And learn somehow to breathe in H2O.

I heared from Cedric over ta the Yule Ball
To take the egg and stick it in a bath.
I thought for sure that this was jus' some fool-all
But he set me upon the ko-rect path.

(HARRY immerses the egg in water, which immediately begins singing)

CHORUS OF MERPEOPLE VOICES
List!
You better learn to do things underwater, Potter
Something in which you have the greatest stake we'll take
Unless you win it back with magic power – an hour
Is all the time that you'll have to partake
.

HERMIONE & HARRY (joyously and wearily, respectively)
The library once more, for goodness sake.

(Segue to the early morning hours of February 24. HARRY, under his 
Invisibility Cloak, is searching desperately for a spell that will 
aid him in the second task. )

HARRY:
Well, you see
.
I read through ev'ry book and scroll
And runes with all their hexagons
I looked at jinxes, I tried all these spells
An' even Vander Ark's Lexicon!
I think that I could read here til
I'm ready to get my pension
`Cuz as far as magic scuba gear,
They isn't no such invention!

(HARRY collapses in exhaustion. Enter, at 9:20 a.m., DOBBY, with a 
handful of Gillyweed)

DOBBY:
Poor guy, he can't find nuthin'.
He jus' cain't find nuthin' he needs
Though it ain't playin' fair
Though it ain't by the book
I must tell him of Gillyweed!

I'm an H. Potter elf, faithful & true
Socks the shade of the deepest blue
Wake him up right now, and let him know!
I must give him this Weed, known as Gilly
To rehabilitate his bro. 

HARRY (coming awake with a start):
They got my Wheezy?

DOBBY:
Gilly's how you'll let him go!

(HARRY takes the Gillyweed, and dashes off to the Lake. Segue to 
HARRY standing partially submerged, as he begins eating it.) 

HARRY:
It cain't be an error

CROWD:
Hmm Hmm!

HARRY:
Or a debacle-ey
Or my poor Wheezy pal is through!

Now I'm growin' some gills
Webbed hands and toes
Free and light the water it flows

(Segue to HARRY entering the Merpeople's  town square, and sees all 
four hostages bound to a huge statue)

Now I see Ron plus the other three!

CHORUS OF MERPEOPLE
The rules is that you only rescue one.

HARRY:
No, I must save the other three!

CHORUS OF MERPEOPLE (scattering)
He's got his wand out!

HARRY:
No, I must save the other three!

(HARRY goes about trying to free all four hostages, using a rock to 
hack at the ropes. As RON is set free, enter Viktor and Cedric – 
HARRY helps direct their rescue efforts)

HARRY:
Fer me it's all or no one.
Ev'ryone I've got to unbind!
To the table I bring my saving-people thing
I pledge to leave no child behind.

(With all the hostages free, but the effects of Gillyweed wearing 
off, HARRY struggles toward the surface with RON and Gabrielle 
Delacour in tow)

So I ain't gonna fuss, ain't gonna frown,
Set `em free, don't let no one drown,
Head for air with the girl and Wheezy

(HARRY reaches air. Segue to the presentation of points. )

RON
So even though you were showing thickness,
You've won another victory!

JUDGES (except Karkaroff):
What moral fiber!

RON, HERMIONE & GRYFFINDOR STUDENTS:
He's won another victory!

FLEUR:
Come on and kiss me!

(FLEUR kisses HARRY twice on each cheek, causing steam to come out of 
his ears.)

   -	CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS 
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm 

(just the finale to complete!)