Snape's worst memory

[Tim Johnson Family]

No: HPFGUIDX 81129

Many of you have speculated that the "graying underpants" Pensieve memory
cannot be Snape's worst memory. Wouldn't torturing Muggles or the other
attrocities he must have committed under Voldemort be worst? I am inclined
to take the chapter at face value: the graying underpants memory is indeed
the number 1 worst memory.

There's something magnificent about the Snape who shows the Dark Mark to
Fudge in the presence of people to whom he was emotionally vulnerable. This
is the Snape who turns spy against Voldemort "at great personal risk," and
who tells Karkaroff, "Flee--I will make your excuses. I, however, am
remaining at Hogwarts." This Snape has stayed loyal to Dumbledore for
sixteen years, and made himself content with a job he doesn't really want.
This is how Snape wants to be seen: heroic, brave, cunning, maybe a little
romantically dark and brooding.

In Harry's presence, this Snape falls apart as rapidly as the potions Harry
messes up in class. Harry and his friends spoil Snape's plans, egg him into
trouble, harrass him into losing his temper, tease him, irritate him, and
humiliate him. Snape doesn't see that most of this is unintentional, or that
his attacks on Harry were uncalled for--Snape only sees himself being shown
up by a kid over and over.

The last thing Snape wants to remember--the worst thing--is being a
helpless, unpopular, greasy-haired, clueless nerd. Snape despises weakness
and stupidity, and his teenage self was full of both. The memories of him
being a Death Eater have a certain showiness--Snape was one of a group of
elite wizards, and he was well-respected by them. The deeds he did inspired
fear, not laughter.

Snape can't forgive James, he can't forgive Sirius, or Lupin, or even
himself for being a helpless victim. Snape's lack of grace makes me worry.
Forgiveness is the first step to healing. Snape can never heal unless he can
forgive.

--RTJ