Pets-U-Like (was Re: The Phoenix and the Snowy Owl)

[B Arrowsmith]

No: HPFGUIDX 81563

Fawkes.
That's it, is it? The promised  new pet for Harry will be Fawkes.
How boring. Boring, predictable and therefore, to my mind, suspect.
Come on! Stretch your imaginations a bit. Be inventive.
How can you expect to second-guess JKR without a bit of lateral 
thinking?
OK, let's view the field for possibilities.

Not  all that many runners, especially  if you rule out another owl 
(Pig, Errol, Hermes). What would he want another for? No  reason, 
unless his eventual career is to form the  WW equivalent of UPS.
For all the fuss about owls, cats, toads in PS/SS, the menagerie is 
remarkably bare.

That bloody cat, now. Or part cat, part kneasle, could be useful. If 
Hermione finally succumbs to a rampaging mob of pissed-off Elves who 
finally realise that, like many politicised idealists, Hermione has 
absolutely no intention of  listening to the views of the minority she 
so resolutely patronises, Crookshanks could leech onto Harry. Kneasles, 
so we're  told, can always tell friend from enemy and always find their 
way home. Hmm. Useful, under some circumstances, but there could be 
drawbacks. For one, Hermione is  such a busybody that it'd be like her 
to join the Ghost Gang instead of progressing to her tooth-flossing 
final repose. Another Moaning Myrtle, intent  on making sure Harry 
sticks to the straight and narrow, backed up by a smug moggy with a 
face like  pushed-in tomato. Hectoring Hermione and her  furry friend. 
Not much appeal there.

Hagrid is bound to cop it in the neck sooner or later, agreed?  So 
who'll take Fang? Wouldn't recommend Grawp, he'd think he was lunch. 
Lovely, friendly animal (Fang, not Grawp), drools at one end and wags 
at the other. Knows his way around the Dark Forest and a damn good 
early warning system - when he runs away, follow him - fast; something  
nasty is coming. Mind you, he can be brave. He tried to help Hagrid 
when Umbridge was handing  out severance slips in her own inimitable 
manner.  Be a lot of fun at the Dursleys too;  Vernon blowing blood 
vessels twice daily.
Every boy should have a dog, and since Harry's lost Sirius, Fang'd make 
a good replacement; better tempered, just as affectionate, probably 
more intelligent.

What about  Trevor? Anyone  seen  him lately? Begetter of all sorts  of 
theories way back when, but he seems to be failing to keep up with the 
plot. The thing is, Neville is getting more self-confident,  
blossoming, you might say. And sticking your head above the parapet is 
very definitely the wrong thing to do when Voldy is having one of his 
nasty turns. Might be the last thing you do. Some-one should warn him, 
or Trevor will be looking for a new billet. Hedwig won't mind. Owls 
love frogs and toads. Of course, it's a different toad each time, but 
it's not Hedwig's fault he has a healthy appetite. It's a miracle 
Trevor's lasted this long at Hogwarts with all the avian predators 
swooping around the place. Is  this why he keeps disappearing? Poor 
bugger. Probably hiding in one of  the bathrooms for the duration. 
Can't even escape to the lake; if the squid doesn't get him the 
Merpeople'll have him on a half shell, sprinkled with a piquant garnish 
before you can say 'sushi'. Unless, of course,  the old theories come 
to pass; TOADMASTER I & II would be a nice surprise for the next book. 
He must do something, he was introduced way back at the beginning. The 
immediate thought was "Ah! Magic TOADstools! I still have hopes he'll 
get an intestinal upset and the products turn out to be a 
Bella-repellant.

We can rule  out Buckbeak. Apart from the fact that there's still a 
valid death warrant extant, he's not really domesticated. Can't see him 
going down well with Petunia, house-proud as she is. Cleaning out the 
bird cage will take on a whole new dimension; shoving him out of the 
bedroom window to  exercise would take some muscle, too. Harry would 
soon have to answer some awkward questions about the sudden decline in 
small animals around Privet Drive. Expect complaints from Mrs Figg when 
she finds feathers and hoof-prints where her cats used to be.

Then there's everybody's favourite, Fawkes. Mobile field hospital, 
people carrier, Basilisk blinder, etc. etc. I'm against  this on  
principle. Much too useful, much too powerful. Too  much  of  a trump 
card for Harry. The little toe-rag is supposed to suffer, not win in a 
stroll.  Fawkes has had his purple passage, as deus ex machina in CoS. 
Can't use  him in a major role again, too much like rewinding the plot. 
No, when Dumbledore finally gets the Black Spot and we get the 
obligatory death scene, Harry with tears in his  eyes, on his knees 
beside a stricken Dumbledore who brokenly whispers some maudlin last 
words carefully calculated to pluck the heart strings, I hope Fawkes 
flies up, bursts into flame, and a wind gets  up and disperses the 
ashes so he can't be re-born again. Much better, more suited to an epic 
tale. Where's the satisfaction in him being passed on like Grandads 
watch?

That's about it, for the current crop. JKR could decide to introduce 
something new, wouldn't put it past her. Wind  us up again. I've been 
flipping through FBaWTFT; can't see any obvious suspects.
One thing's for sure though, it'll be *very* interesting if Harry 
drowsily wakes one morning to a Parceltongue whisper of "A friend sent 
me. I'm your  new pet. Just for a while."

Kneasy