Let's stop comparing pains !! (Re: Harry enjoying his friends’ pain )

[delwynmarch]

No: HPFGUIDX 94769

Susanne wrote:
> > It's not that because Harry has more "excuses", now nobody
> > else can feel bad.
> > 
> > Ron has things that hurt his feelings, and so does Hermione,
> > and everybody else, no matter if there is somebody else out
> > there, who gets hurt more often.
> > 
> > You can't tell other people, that they now
> > have lost their right to feel bad about anything (or the
> > right to express these feelings), unless it's as bad
> > as what soandso is going through.
> > 
> > Other people deserve compassion just as much as Harry
> > Potter, and I'm pretty sure Harry would agree with me (most
> > of the time),

Del :
I completely agree with you, Susanne !

Alla :
> Other people can feel bad, of course and Ron's insecurities are 
> very "down to earth", but it just to me as a reader they seem quit 
> einsignificant in comparison to Harry.

Del :
Harry's problems are *bound* to seem bigger than anyone else's, 
since the story is told from Harry's point of view ! My problems are 
always bigger than yours, because they are mine so I see them up 
close (where a mole-hill looks like a mountain) and they have an 
emotional effect on me. Your problems, on the other hand, I see from 
a distance (easier to see the solution) and I can analyse 
dispassionately.

Alla : 
> I mean he feels "overshadowed" by his family,I can understand 
> that, but  at the same time Harry has no parents and when Ron 
> complains about his mother, well, he does seem as an ungrateful 
> brat to me.

Del :
Which is worse : no father, a violent father, a sexually abusing 
father, a father who's always away, a poor father, a "disappointing" 
father, a father in prison, a father with too high expectations of 
you, a father who doesn't care about you, a father who favours your 
brother, a divorced father, a remarried father, any real father... ? 
We simply can't "rate" problems. 

Alla :
> He is entitled to his feelings, but as I said at those moments I,
>  as  a  reader don't find him very sympathetic.

Del :
Let me tell you about my own experience : I went through 15 years of 
depression being told that I shouldn't feel so bad, since I had so 
many good things in my life, and so few problems.
Oh sure, I had no father, but I had a wonderful mother, and anyway 
having no father is much better than having a "bad" father.
Oh sure, I had been abused sexually as a pre-teen, but I hadn't been 
raped, had I ? It was only touching, not really bad.
Oh sure, I was poor, shy and fat. But those were a problem only in 
my head, I was only imagining that the other kids were tough with me 
because of it. And it wasn't like they were beating me up anyway.
And I was so bright, so mature, I was living in such good 
conditions, I was going to school, I had such a loving mom and 
wonderful sister, etc, etc... How did I *dare* being depressed !? 
How could I be so ungrateful towards all the great things God (or 
life if you prefer) gave me ? How could I not see that there were 
tons of people who had many more, and much better, reasons to 
suffer, than pampered sissy attention-seeking little me ? I should 
be ashamed of being depressed ! I should stop being depressed, 
because I wasn't worthy of it !
It's only when I met my future husband, at age 27, that my feelings 
were validated for the very first time in my life. He was the first 
one to tell me that there was no being right or wrong when feeling 
bad. I was depressed and I had as much right as anyone else to be. 
It was a big surprise for me, I even refused to listen to him for 
months. And it was only when I allowed myself to be depressed that I 
began being able to really do something about it. That's when I 
granted myself the right to suffer from it that I finally recognised 
what being born and raised without a father had done to me (how 
could I love myself when my own father had refused to love me as a 
baby ?). That's when I accepted that I had a right to suffer from it 
that I saw clearly how much the sexual abuse I received as a pre-
teen destroyed me, even though there had been no technical rape (I 
was put in a sexual role I was not ready to fill, by someone who was 
supposed to protect me). It's only when I allowed my anger towards 
all those people who had tried to minimise my trials to flare up, 
that I was able to find real comfort, help and support. They were 
wrong to tell me I shouldn't feel bad, they were wrong to tell me 
that it wasn't as bad as what other people were enduring, they were 
wrong to minimise my problems. They were wrong to deny my pain.

And whoever tries to minimise Ron's problems (or whoever else) 
because Harry's problems are "bigger", is doing the exact same thing.

Both boys need help. Both boys deserve total compassion. Period.

And what about a competition between Harry and Neville ? Should be 
tough...

Del, who thinks that when someone suffers, they deserve to be 
offered help, support and compassion. Even Tom Riddle.