DOOM and infant bonding--long [was Re: LV never loved anyone]

[pcaehill2]

No: HPFGUIDX 110338

Misty wrote:
> > > I am not a psychologist, but I know that there are 
> > > cases where certain children, not bonding at an early 
> > > age, lose that ability, and as a result never really 
> > > learn to love others. 

> > Valky added:
> > I have heard of this phenomenon too. I was under an impression 
> > however that it more specifically applied to children who had no 
> > bonding experience in frailest infancy during the first year of 
> > their lives and ones who were openly or directly rejected by one 
> > or both of their blood parents. Clearly this does not apply to 
> > Harry, as he was in a loving home for 15 months prioir to his 
> > parents' death. 
> 
> 
"tonks_op" responded:
[snip]
> If a child like Voldemort is left in an orphanage at a very early 
> age and he only gets food and clothing, but very little contact
> with another caring human being he will not have the ability to
> bond with others. There is a certain time when it has to happen. 
> If he is placed in a loving home after a couple of years in a 
> totally unloving and uncaring environment, he will never be able 
> to bond with anyone no matter how loving his new parents may be.

Pam now:

I am a psychologist, and tonks wrote a great summary of research re: 
bonding and the development of empathy --but stated it with a note 
of finality, even doom which does not completely represent current 
thought in this field.  It is indeed far more difficult to develop a 
nurturing, emotionally close bond with an infant/child who has been 
deprived of physical touch and love/compassion during the first year 
of life, but it is not impossible. The term "object constancy" (not 
cognitive, but emotional) applies to the internalization of the 
caring parent, which gives one emotional stability and the all-
important ability to self-soothe (witness any kindergarten, the kids 
who, after an argument, can go into a corner and read a book to calm 
down, versus the kids who have to involve everyone around in the 
situation, frantically trying to find attention/validation from 
others, not themselves).

Sorry for all the "psychobabble", but I really don't believe in doom-

-I've had clients who were severely neglected as infants, even 
tortured as very young children, who were able to 
recapitulate/reenact the dependency/mirroring experience of infancy 
within themselves (no, not wearing diapers etc., but emotionally 
depending on another/group of others) and who have been able to 
develop empathy and internalize self-calm.

Such infants are not all doomed to become sociopaths.  But it does 
take hard work and a belief that there is more to life than their 
own ego--the courage and imagination of the individuals with whom I 
work is so moving to me.

Now to tie all this in to cannon, so to avoid rendering this post a 
boring OT psychological treatise:

I agree with tonks, that LV probably experienced severe emotional 
neglect during not only his first year of life, but for several 
years thereafter. I also think he fits the profile of someone who 
(like Harry) was severely bullied--but without Harry's ability to 
self-soothe, or take responsibility for his own response to this.  I 
think a common result of this, for kids, is a desire for "power 
over" others--never to be in the bullying situation again.

LV falls for this, hook/line/sinker, but makes the big mistake of 
seeing *everyone* as the enemy--even the DE are not to be trusted, 
just used.  His fear of death, of becoming nothing, is, I think, 
related to his experience that his own being/ego is his whole world--
nothing outside of himself has any validity or value (this ties in 
to no experience/development of empathy/compassion for self/others).

Harry falls into the "power over" trap with Dudley in book 5--just 
before the dementors appear, he severely abuses his own wizarding 
power by threatening D with his wand--even if D is a total git who 
deserved it!!  But (I know, this is from spidey, the movie): with 
great power comes great responsibility, and Harry has to face his 
own childhood need for power over others and draw upon his ability 
to empathize.  His "saving people thing" also seems to be drawn from 
childhood powerlessness--he couldn't save his parents, but he damn 
well can save Sirius (*sigh*).  Part of Harry's future task, I 
think, is to "accept the things he cannot change" (damn! there I go 
again), and comprehend the wise use of power: intelligent compassion.

Pam, who thinks compassion is behind the closed door at the DOM


P.S.  One of the original orphanage studies was done post WWII, at 
clean, modern, facilities, where infants were given 
food/clothing/physical care, but nurses were told not to hold or hug 
the children, since it was believed at the time that this would 
interfere with the bonding between the prospective adoptive mother 
and infant.  What actually happened was that these infants 
experienced "failure to thrive", and became listless and 
uninterested in outside stimuli, even food.  Very very sad story, 
but true.