Draco's nature, LV's abiliity to love, Dudders and Harry, etc. (long)

[tylerswaxlion]

No: HPFGUIDX 110516

Kate Harding
>He is missing all the signs of a child who has received healthy 
>parental love. Instead I get the impression of a child who has been 
>alternately spoilt and blamed, until he has no idea which way is 
>morally up.

>psyche

I think the whole issue of love is far more complex than all these 
threads seem to imply. 

While I agree that Draco, Dudley and Tom Riddle have never 
experienced a "healthy" parental love, I doubt that the parents in 
question would agree.

People who have had abusive relationships with their parents don't 
tend to have healthy relationships with their own children.  Abuse, 
physical and emotional, continues generation to generation.  But 
that doesn't mean that the abusers don't love their children or 
believe that they love them.  They just don't know how to show it.

I think Narcissa and Lucius believe they love Draco.  They've 
probably never *thought* about it.  If questioned, they'd probably 
be offended, b/c of course they love their son.  But just as they've 
never questioned their love, they've never questioned their actions.

Lucius is cold.  He's not a touchy-feely parent.  That doesn't mean 
he's a bad parent (although I don't think he's a great one) or that 
he doesn't love Draco.  He humiliates Draco in front of strangers, 
but he may really feel that being "tough on the boy" and 
embarrassing him may cause him to "fly straight" and work harder.  
Bad strategy?  Probably  Loveless?  Not necessarily.

It's even clearer with Dudley.  Vernon is so thrilled that Dudders 
is going to Smeltings.  Petunia would have a fit if anyone suggested 
she didn't love her Duddy-kins.  They are awful people and rotten 
parents, but *in their way* they love Dudley.

Now poor Tom Riddle, I always imagine him like Oliver Twist--mom 
shows up outside the workhouse/orphanage, lives long enough to give 
him his name, then dies.  Tom's then raised by a rotating staff that 
don't ever give him any love--they are completely indifferent.  
Riddle really *doesn't* experience love at all, and by the time he's 
old enough to earn the respect of teachers in the Muggle-world or 
impress wizards at Hogwarts, he no longer has the ability to 
recognize love.  He sees it as an illogical, exploitable weakness.  
He values loyalty in his DEs, but he doesn't understand it, nor does 
he feel it for them--that's why he tortures them.  He understands 
fear and self-preservation.

Experiencing and understanding love, even in a twisted, 
disfunctional manner, makes Draco and Dudley capable of redemption 
(though I doubt they will ever take those steps.)  

Now Harry has experienced "true love"--selfless, self-sacrificing 
love.  His parents died to save him.  His godfather broke out of 
Azkaban to save him and died trying to save him.  His best friends 
have willingly risked their lives for him again and again.  They act 
not only out of fear, or self-preservation, but also (and sometimes 
*only*) to protect Harry.  Dumbledore admits his "mistake" of not 
revealing all he knew to Harry was due to his love and wanting to 
protect Harry from more emotional pain for just a little while 
longer--disfunctional love here, but love nonetheless.

Most importantly, Harry recognizes this unconditional love.  And he 
returns it.  He tries to downplay his scar hurting in GoF to protect 
Sirius.  He refuses to open the package with the 2-way mirror to 
protect Sirius 

Though, ironically, if he'd discovered the mirror earlier, he 
*would* have protected Sirius--he wouldn't have needed to contact 
him through Umbridge's fire and wouldn't have been deceived by 
Kreacher.  I believe learning to accept others self-sacrificing love 
will play a crucial part in the next 2 books.

My mom's always said that hate is not the opposite of love, 
indifference is.  When you hate someone, you still care--you care 
quite a bit.  No one cared for Tom Riddle, and he grew into 
Voldemort, who cares for no one.

tylerswaxlion