[HPforGrownups] Two Words - Magic Wand was Re:Hagrid's parents

[caesian]

No: HPFGUIDX 110533

On Aug 18, 2004, at 12:24 PM, Lycaea wrote:

> Hi everyone. I'm new. Yup.
>
>  Me and my friend were discussing Hagrid and his parents the other day,
>  and the one thing we want to know is: how the hell did they have sex?
>  A giantess and a man? It must have been like waving a pencil in a cave
>  for one thing, but also, the technique would have to be used?
>
>  Can't get this out of our heads. Damn.
>
>  What do you people reckon?
>
>  **L
>

First of all, let me just say you must have balls bigger than 
Golgomath's to post this, either that or less self-restraint than 
Peeves.  Who's your list elf junior?

Second, I cannot believe I am going to venture to answer, which will 
certainly get me a Parental Warning label, no matter what I say.

But hey, who hasn't wondered?  Let's just get right to it then.  The 
guy was a WIZARD.  Ever heard that Frank Sinatra Song, "It's Magic"?  
Enough said.  I mean, really people - stop sniggering.  I have to read 
all of the same SEEMINGLY INNOCENT passages you all have, and I kept a 
straight face.  What am I talking about?  Has this one ever given any 
of you pause:

"He didn't stop to think.  Plunging a hand down the neck of his robes, 
he whipped out his wand and roared, 'Expecto patronum!"

Something silver white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his 
wand.   He knew it had shot directly ...

OK, enough?  No?  Not enough prurient speculation (God heavens it's 
only Wednesday!)?  OK - time to get out the big guns - and I don't mean 
Canon.  This post from the vault of archives will surely vanquish your 
perseveration:


From:  "Mike & Susan Gray" <MikeSusanGray at Y...>
Date:  Fri Aug 25, 2000  5:49 am
Subject:  RE: [HPforGrownups] Re: McGonagall's Age & Dumbledore's 
Triumphant Look

<<Wouldn't that put them at Hogwarts at the same time, in a sort
  of 'Lady Chatterly's Lover' scenario? >>

  EUREKA!!!!

  OK, I've got it: If McGonogall is actually Lady Chatterly, then 
Dumbledore
  must be Clifford--ergo, Dumbledore is impotent.

  Now: why is Dumbledore impotent?

  Easy: in his desperate battle with the evil wizard something-or-other 
back
  in 1945, Dumbledore, once a broom rider and wand waver of shocking 
vigor,
  released the very essence of his natural powers into that which this 
group
  has already identified as the magical symbol of a wizard's natural 
potency:
  his wand. This monumental sacrifice saved the world, but it also 
consigned
  Dumbledore to spinsterhood.

  The Triumph: But as Harry began his story at the end of GoF, 
Dumbledore had
  already guessed why the big V. couldn't sizzle Harry: priori 
incatatem. And
  suddenly, he saw the light: if only he can find someone whose wand 
shares
  the same magical bits as his, they could have a duel and Dumbledore's 
wand
  would be forced to release its burgeoning powers. Dumbledore jumped up 
to
  look at Harry's arm because he was so excited he couldn't sit still. In
  fact, he didn't even pick up the fact that the big V. had managed to 
gain
  through Harry's blood.

  The REAL Plot: So the true battle will pitch Hagrid's size & relative 
youth
  against Dumbledore's skill and craft, while the big V. realizes that he
  needs more than Harry's blood to get himself up to speed!

  Title of the next Book: Harry Potter and the Dirty Old Wizards

  Tschüsslis!


Caesian's last word:
And what the heck is Butterbeer?