define love

[quigonginger]

No: HPFGUIDX 110630

I have been following with great interest the "LV never loved" 
thread.  Thanks to all who provided input and especially to those who 
added the psych stuff (that was my minor, but that was a long time 
ago).

I have to wonder, though, are we defining love the same?  Are we 
defining it correctly?  I went back and reread the original question 
which was "Has Voldemort or Tom Riddle ever cared for or loved 
anyone?"

Now if I replaced LV/TR with my name, I could honestly answer "no, I 
haven't."  Or I could say "Well, yeah, some."  Or I could say "Yes, 
many, many people".  All with the same degree of honesty.  

Would anyone care to join me in an exercise?  

Think of 5 people that you love that you met when neither you nor 
they were an infant.  Got them?

Now ask yourself at what point you started loving them.  I bet it 
wasn't instant.  I would bet that there was cordiality, 
acquaintanceship, friendship, and then love.  Your experiences may 
vary, of course, but if it was a relationship with someone you had 
not met as a baby, how could you love them right off the bat?

The way I understood the question and answer was that Tom had never 
gotten to the point of love.  He may have been cordial, and possibly 
even friends, but not to a great degree.  Similar to a relationship 
one may have with someone at work, but with whom one doesn't 
socialize outside of the workplace.  Comfortable, but not loving. 

Where I see Tom's choice in the matter is to not allow it to continue 
to a deeper level.  

Back to your 5 people.  If one is a spouse/significant other, then 
you have loved in a way I have not.  (as my first answer).  If some 
of the others are best friends, then I can relate to that (my 
second).  

Remember the days of Storge'?  Did I even spell that right?  We went 
on about the different types of love for days!  It would be my guess 
that "cared for or loved" would mean a deep love, like with a 
spouse/SO, OR a very deep friendship, or possibly both.  I don't 
think it means that he never had positive feelings towards anyone on 
a basic level.  

My reasoning is that those base feelings are far more easily turned 
off, especially as he reached the tumult of teenhood, than a deeper 
love.  He may have told himself he was illogical or, as others have 
suggested, weak.   A deeper love would have been much harder to 
nullify.  It fits in with JKR's "choices".  Had he never been capable 
of feeling even basic positive feelings towards anyone, he would have 
had no choice.  Del has pointed this out admirably.

So, in summary, I think that the type of love in question is a deep 
love, the type that takes time to cultivate.  A lesser love can be 
halted mid-growth should the relationship sour.  I don't think she 
means this sort of love.  Tom, of course, would never have known 
familial love.

As to my last answer above (yes, many), it is a part of my religious 
beliefs (and those of many other religions) to love all people.  This 
is not nearly the love I have for my friends and family, but I wish 
no harm and only the best for everyone.  Tom never had this either, 
that we know of.  I don't think he could have become what he did if 
he had.

Any thoughts on this?  

Ginger, who usually doesn't announce to over 11000 people that she 
loves them (blush)